


Snapshots of a Princess

by JʼLi (kibigo)



Series: R∇M [1]
Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword
Genre: Actively Sexual Relationship, Alcohol, Asexual Ganondorf, College AU, Comparative Mythologies, Costumes, Critical of canon, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Festivals, Halloween, Hate Sex with Hilda™, Holidays, Hornt Dyke Zelda, Implied toxic home life, Lime, Modern Setting, NaNoWriMo 2019, Nature, Nonmonogamy, Pizza, Sexting, Snow Weddings, Spooky Month, Trans Femme Hilda, Vai-loving Gerudo moms, Winter Wonderland, Zelda is That One Rich Cis Hylian Girl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:27:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 56,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21775174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kibigo/pseuds/J%CA%BCLi
Summary: or,My Roommate Ganondorf & Me.Zelda is a woman‑loving first‑year, newly‑arrived at college. Thanks to a clerical error, her roommate is a boy named Ganondorf. Heʼs studying to become an Art History major; she mostly just wants to get laid.On the other side of campus, a girl with a fondness for rabbits rooms with an obnoxiously handsome lad named Link. Her name is Hilda, and she seems awfully antagonistic upon Zeldaʼs first meeting. Whatʼs her problem, anyways?Written for NaNoWriMo 2019 and edited in the weeks which followed. Nohardcoresmut (for some definition of “hardcore”; limes not lemons), but expect copious swearing, nudity, sex, and alcohol—this is college, after all.
Relationships: Ashai/Isha (Legend of Zelda), Ganondorf & Zelda (Legend of Zelda), Jules/Link (Legend of Zelda), Princess Hilda/Zelda (Legend of Zelda)
Series: R∇M [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1569271
Kudos: 16
Collections: Nabla





	1. Move‑in Day

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Through a Glass Darkly](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4362317) by [Rynling](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rynling/pseuds/Rynling). 
  * Inspired by [The Complete Guide for Courting Etiquette: the Do's and Don’ts of a Royal Engagement 4th Edition](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20398480) by [GourdKin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GourdKin/pseuds/GourdKin). 



> This work uses some lightweight styling to make text messaging conversations a little more readable, as well as provide other minor æsthetic improvements.
> 
> Authorʼs commentary will follow every chapter.

Imnsday, 01 Medough

The orientation packet lay open before me like a gospel. The map I cast but a glance, quickly asserting my bearings against my unfamiliar surroundings. ― Itʼs right this way,I said, gripping my fatherʼs jacket by the lapel and tugging him along.

― I can walk perfectly well without your help, Zelda,he replied, brushing my hand away.

― _Slowly_ ,I chided, rolling my eyes at his lumber.

It was a beautiful day.

And so we proceeded down the walk, sunlight shining through the trees, the warm Medough air gracing us with a slight breeze—and around us the whole world too seemed in some sort of motion. Some lumbering, like my father. Some bright and sprightly, like me.

The avenue ended in a T. A building awaited us there, and we forged onward to its plain set of double‑doors: the Residence Hall Romani. What would become my new home.

I was a first‑year at the prestigious Horsebridge University, and it was Move‑in Day.

I skipped up the steps, then held the door proudly open for my fatherʼs towering frame. His expression read less‑than‑impressed. And indeed, the visage of the foyer which greeted us was somewhat lacking in luster. White walls, riddled with tack‑holes; a damaged couch; a piano with half‑a‑dozen broken keys; the tacky « WELCOME » banner which hung over the entryway. But such signs of collegiate wear could do little to dampen my spirit. To the contrary: I loved every inch of it.

The welcome committee was but one woman, accompanied by a desk of papers, and she looked very tired. ― So, this is where youʼll be staying, hm?my father remarked idly, as I strode and he sauntered over to the table. I ignored him and set my sights on the much more attractive greeting‑lady.

― Hi!I said. My voice rang chipper and I was trying my hardest to set a good impression. ― My nameʼs Zelda. My packet informs me I will be residing here…?

― Uh, yeah, Zelda…the womanʼs eyes found my nametag. I puffed out my breast to make it clear. ― …Hyrule, is it? Thatʼs quite a name.

(Little did she know there were about a thousand Zelda Hyrules.)

― Iʼm Anju; Iʼll be your Resident Director—that is, R.D. Basically, that means Iʼm the one in charge.She flipped her way through the stack of papers. ― Just give me a second to find your file…

Her hands reached the bottom. She frowned, and made her way through them again. Again, her hands processed the entire stack. Something was clearly not as it ought to be, not that there was anything I could do for it but keep a smile on my face—so thatʼs what I did. She looked up at me. ― …Are you sure youʼre supposed to be here?she asked.

Behind me, I heard my father groan.

Not one to give up so easily, I displayed my orientation packet, where « Zelda Hyrule, Romani Hall » was quite prominently printed in the top‑right corner. I even helpfully pointed it out with my finger.

If anything, Anjuʼs expression grew more tired than ever. ― Well, Iʼm not seeing your papers in here,she said, ― but I suppose itʼs possible they got placed in the wrong stack…and she seized upon yet another pile and began thumbing through it.

A moment later and an “Aha!” filled the room (accompanied by a “Finally!” by my father) as Anju discovered my packet and pulled it from the stack to which it so clearly did not belong. This was followed up with a somewhat more puzzled “Oh!” as Anju examined more closely its contents, reluctant for some reason to turn it over to my care.

Impatient, I attempted to lean over and discern for myself what had shocked her so, in the process of so doing very nearly sending the whole table onto the floor. I coughed and set myself back on my heels, then adopted the more reserved approach of asking a question. ― …What is it?I inquired.

Anju had flipped the packet to its reverse, as if in search of some clarification, and, finding none there, had taken to giving me quite the once‑over. I was in a sensible summer dress, pink; dignified earrings; light makeup. I was certain there was nothing in my appearance which might cause offense. ― Right, so this is going to be awkward,Anju said, as though it wasnʼt incredibly so already, ― but… you _do_ identify as a woman, yes?

Well, I admit to never having given it much thought! ― Uh, yes?I proffered, taking advantage of her confused state to delicately remove the packet from her hands and have a see for myself. It was, in fact, completely ordinary. I gave her a puzzled glance.

― Right, so,Anju explained, ― there must have been some sort of mistake, because right now they have you placed in section C—thatʼs a boysʼ wing—and room 212—which is a double. So, uh, donʼt go anywhere, and Iʼll give them a call presently and get you sorted out.

I held up my hand. ― Wait,I said. Her words had sounded frankly Sheikah to me and I needed clarification. ― So, what youʼre saying is… not only did they place me in the wrong section… but they likely gave me a roommate who is… a boy?

― Yeah itʼs uh,Anju coughed, ― probably just a clerical error somewhere; Iʼll just call them and theyʼll give you a new assignment, Iʼm sure.

What a mistake! I glanced to my father and laughed at his visible facepalm. _Zelda_ wasnʼt exactly the most masculine name! ― Okay, so,I said, turning forward again, ― what will happen to him, then?

― Pardon?Anju asked. She was in the midst of her contacts list, searching for the correct office number.

― My roommate, I clarified.― Obviously they canʼt move him to the girlsʼ wing with me, so…

― Oh, Iʼd… imagine youʼd both get new ones,Anju said, like that was obvious.

And… I wasnʼt so okay with that.

Granted, I am not the biggest believer in Fate. When the legends say the Golden Goddesses departed this world, I interpret it as precisely that, gone, bye. _Not_ hanging around guiding our every action. Even so (and perhaps I have just read too many Young‑Adult novels), there was something about the Roommate Agreement which felt to me sacred, divine. One did not simply Request a Transfer because the person one was paired with failed to match expectations regarding race, religion, _gender_.

― I donʼt think I want that,I said, to the visible shock of my present audience.

― Zelda…my father warned.

― I mean think about it!I exclaimed, and I was thinking about it now, at a racing pace. ― Suppose youʼre this boy, and you show up, Move‑in Day, all excited, and whoop! sorry, your roommate decided you werenʼt good enough for her before she even met you, better luck next time! Suppose itʼs evening, and everyone is doing fun roommate bonding things, and youʼre just sitting there, all alone, maybe someone will show up tomorrow, who knows? Din, _I_ donʼt want that. I have a roommate _now_ , why canʼt I meet him?

― I mean,Anju said, looking like she wanted nothing more than to end this conversation as quickly as possible, ― if youʼre both fine with it, thereʼs no _rule_ saying you canʼt…

― I can always request a transfer later if things go sour, right?This wasnʼt forever. I could always back out. ― I feel like I should give it a shot!

― Zelda,my father continued, finally getting around to finishing his sentence. ― I donʼt think this is a good idea… These college boys…—and he waved his hand in lieu of finishing _that_ sentence.

And, oh, if I wasnʼt prepared to argue _feminism_ with my _father_. ― Oi, so whoʼs the man‑hater now?I fired back. ― You come @ me with this #NotAllMen bullshit all summer long, and then the second Iʼm like “hey, maybe I should give this guy a chance”, you tell me itʼs a bad idea? You canʼt have it both ways… _dad_.

Forced to make the choice between his daughterʼs feminism and her choice in roommates, my father predictably took the easier option. ― …Itʼs _your_ education,he conceded, and never had he looked so eager to get on the road.

― Hereʼs your key,Anju said, passing it to me and eyeing the line which was now beginning to form behind us. ― There will be a floor meeting at 8PM tonight—donʼt miss it. And—if you have any problems—let me know, alright?

I gave her a warm smile, turned on my heels, and set off in the direction of my quarters with renewed haste.

My father followed slowly behind.

* * *

To my fatherʼs obvious relief, there was no sign of my soon‑to‑be roommate when I pushed open the door. We had been the first to arrive. The scene was much like the rest of the building:— bare, white walls, peppered with holes; a thin, ragged carpet which had clearly seen better days; one small window, looking out on a parking lot; two sturdy, but unappealing, desks, which had clearly seen much use; and two equally sturdy, but equally unappealing, beds, one of which had been lofted, and which I immediately claimed as my own. Again, my father was unimpressed, and again, I couldnʼt have asked for better. Especially, I couldnʼt wait to start filling it with my _stuff_ , which, as it happened, was precisely what we then set out to do.

In boxes, at first, of course. And suitcases. And totes. Unloaded onto my desk and floor and one really began to appreciate just how sizable a _carload_ really was. We were both sweaty by the end of it, arms sore, (in my case) nails broken, and yet the feeling was wholly unsatisfying, as nothing had even been unpacked yet. It was my first time moving in any sense of the term and I found myself with a sudden profound sympathy for all those who complained about just how grueling it could be.

But even though my work had only just begun, mid‑afternoon and my father had outlasted his utility. He seemed to recognize this, that putting the umpteenth sweater on hanger was really only a job for one, and was making fidgety motions with his feet. I gave him my attention, and he said: ― Well, itʼs a long drive home, and…

― Yes, yes, drive safely,I told him. I was trying to sound casual, but somehow the thought of departure got to me and there were tears in my eyes, which seemed to catch him offguard as well and oh Nayru Iʼm your fucking daughter let me shed a tear for you without making it awkward alright? I hugged him tightly so he wouldnʼt have to put up with my leaky face. ― Thanks for helping me get moved in,I said.

― Of course, of course,he told me. ― You stay safe out here, okay? If you need anything—call. Or, you know. If you donʼt.

― Yes, papá,I replied, rolling my eyes because it was obligatory when a parent tells you to call them to roll your eyes, I had learned this much, but at the same time I would, of course. ― Now, go on, so I can finish unpacking my stuff.

― Yes, yes,and I practically had to push him out the door, because even though we had both agreed he should leave, it was still hard saying goodbye. Then the door closed, and he was gone.

A melancholic sadness filled the room. My eyes wandered over to the other half which, reserved for my phantom roommate, still lay desolate and bare. I looked back at mine, finding it both desolate, bare, and full of boxes. No wonder there was so much sadness in this space! And so I set about rectifying the situation as quickly as possible.

The simplest change came with the posters. They were absurd, cheap things, bands and movies popular enough to be available at the supermarket but appealing enough that I wouldnʼt mind them there covering up the tack‑holes. A calendar, too—not that I ever would write into it, having my phone. Sheets for the bed, then blankets, then pillows, then my oh‑so‑squeezable Cucco doll. _All_ of my clothes, which, I had never realized just how _many_ I had before now. The desk was the hardest part—so many tiny knickknacks, pencils and holders, electronics, that it took quite possibly the longest of any element of the room, and for the least notable effect. But even this I completed. And it was 6PM and I was sinking into my desk chair, thoroughly exhausted, my portion of the room thoroughly moved‑in, and at the very least the place did not appear so desolate anymore.

I was very hungry.

I pulled out my phone and started going through restaurant listings, looking for (1) nearby, (2) cheap, and (3) not completely garbage college food. The first two were non‑negotiable, as I didnʼt have a car and was unwilling to splurge for a meal I would be eating alone; the last I supposed I could learn to get used to.

I was trying to make a decision between pizza, subs, or pizza‑and‑subs when I heard someone fiddling at the door. So lost in the conundrum was I that I didnʼt start until it had fully opened, and a large boy had come into the room, myself visible there in all my sweaty, messy‑hair, terrible‑posture glory, unceremoniously scratching my behind.

As far as roommate first‑impressions go, Iʼd say it was ten for ten. But the stranger just groaned and dropped his bag to the floor. ― Youʼve _got_ to be kidding me,he said.

― Hi!I lept to my feet, naturally undaunted by this little outburst. ― I donʼt suppose youʼre my new roommate? My name is Zelda.

― This is room 212?he asked, checking outside.― Then yeah, I guess I am. Iʼm Ganondorf—and I took his hand and shook it firmly.

― Right, well—I had decided on pizza. There were too many unknowns in the submarine sandwich and I didnʼt wish to test my luck. ― —Ganondorf. As you can see,and I waved to my side of the room, which, I somehow only just now noticed how absolutely _feminine_ in its demeanor it was—why were so many of my belongings pink? ― Iʼm already quite settled, and, it being the time of sup, I find myself rather famished. Are your parents here, have you eaten, and if neither, what say you we get to know each other over sustenance?

― Negative on all three,Ganondorf replied, and rather dismissively. ― As _you_ can see, Iʼve only just arrived, Iʼm alone, and I have a lot of things to unpack, so…

― Oh, well, come on then, let me treat you,I insisted. ― Itʼs no good unpacking on an empty stomach. Thereʼs a pizza place like, what, fifteen minutes away? And there will be plenty of time after that to get settled.

― Itʼs no use unpacking on an empty stomach,Ganondorf said, ― but itʼs no use trying to move boxes on a full one.

And thatʼs how I wound up helping Ganondorf Dragmire bring his things in from the car.

Several loads in, and I got the sense that he and I werenʼt actually “bonding” that well.

Call it intuition. Call it him never speaking to me except as a direct reply, even as I was helping him by carrying half his stuff. Call it me maybe being a tiny bit of a prick in return. (I was famished, remember.) But there was a part of me which knew that something needed to change, or develop, between us if our roommate situation was going to have any hope of working out.

Thankfully, I was not without plan. And, as we set the final box down on the floor, I immediately put it into action.

This plan was five letters, and the final two were _za_.

* * *

― …This is sacrilegious,I said.

We were seated across from each other at the pizza parlour, both staring at the Tri Force Pizza (toppings: Powerful Pepperoni, Wise Mushrooms, Courageous Bacon) which had just been delivered hot to our table. Yes, that was really what it was called, and yes, we went ahead and ordered it anyway.

― Iʼm Gerudo, I donʼt give a fuck,Ganondorf replied, and he dug in immediately.

― I suppose the pizza slices are sort of… triangles,I reasoned, poorly. ― So itʼs more an homage, really.

Yeah, I didnʼt give a fuck either. Din smite me, it looked so good.

Despite his eagerness, Ganondorfʼs method of consumption was decidedly refined, taking small, reserved bites separated by lots of careful chewing. You would witness none of this from yours truly. After helping to unload _two_ carfulls, and managing to unpack the entirety of my own, my stomach had been supplanted with a Dodongoʼs Cavern, demanding ready pizza sacrifice to keep from rumbling Death Mountain and sending large rocks down on the townspeople below. So, I had already nearly finished my first slice by the time Ganondorf next spoke.

― So, uh,he said, dabbing at his mouth like a fucking prince, ― just to be clear… you _are_ a woman, yes?

I giggled and had to cover my mouth to keep from spewing pizza sacrifice everywhere. _That_ sure came from nowhere. ― Uh, _yes_ ,I replied, after a swallow. ― Why does everyone keep asking me that? Do I give off A Vibe?

― No, uh,and he checked me out, for what was actually the first time, having mostly avoided looking at me before. ― I wouldnʼt say that, he replied.

He took another bite, chewed, and swallowed. ― Still, you have to admit it is _abnormal_ , finding one such as yourself, situated in the midst of the boysʼ wing, rooming with one such as me…

― Clarwaga mawa,I replied, and he looked at me like I was from another planet. Ah. I had forgotten to swallow. I made another attempt: ― Clerical error, I said.

― And they didnʼt, yʼknow, fix it?

― I told them not to,I said. ― I mean, I wanted to at least _meet_ you first, you know? _Ghosting_ felt a little bit rude.

He sighed, and he looked, honestly kind of sad. Had I made the wrong decision? ― Hey, if itʼs a problem for you, Iʼm sure we can still go and tell them—

― No,he said, in a rather resigned tone. ― No, itʼs just my luck, but itʼs fine.

― What do you mean by that?

― Well, I have a lot of sisters,he explained. ― And two moms. And, uh, no brothers. So Iʼve rather grown up around women.He reached for another slice as I was well into my second. ― It will be comforting, in a way, I suppose.

I pondered this piece of knowledge. ― Big family, huh?I asked, and that drew another sigh out of him, big and long. I couldnʼt relate. I was an only child.

― You have no idea,Ganondorf said. ― I get that this isnʼt the case in other cultures, but when two Gerudo women get married, they have _twice_ the number of kids.

We ate in silence a while longer. And, by my reckoning, things were going well! I had learned a personal detail about Ganondorfʼs life, and he had learned that I was a woman who enjoyed her za. I gave myself a self‑satisfied nod.

― Anyway,Ganondorf continued, finally. ― Itʼs not _me_ that I would be worried about.

― And _what_ do you mean by that?I queried. I was rather awkwardly moving about, trying to find the position of most comfort (and worst posture) within our booth—leaning against the wall, certainly, but then I was too far away from the food. ― Weʼve already established that _Iʼm_ fine with it,I continued, ― so if _youʼre_ fine with it, those are the only two relevant parties, yeah?

― I think you are forgetting… the entire rest of the wing?Ganondorf asked. It was true: I hadnʼt given them any thought at all. ― I mean, school hasnʼt even _started_ yet, and youʼre setting yourself up to be the talk of the hall. Are you prepared to be on the receiving end of that much attention?

― Are you talking about _gossip_?I asked. Did boys gossip? Ganondorf clearly thought boys gossiped. But what did he know?

I had to admit that, even growing up amongst girls, his knowledge of the masculine gender probably exceeded that of me.

Nevertheless, I was never one to be deterred by _talk_. ― I donʼt care about gossip,I said. ― In fact, Iʼm certain I donʼt give a fuck _what_ the other boys think,and that was the end of that.

The table fell into silence again, and somewhere I realized that I wasnʼt exactly upholding my conversational end of the bargain. ― Sorry,I said. ― I had intended for us to become acquainted over dinner, I was just _so_ hungry.

― …You did seem quite famished,Ganondorf replied.

I nodded solemnly. ― This is why I told you to save unpacking until _after_ youʼd eaten,I said. ― Elsewise you might have ended up transforming into a pig like me.

― Goddesses forbid,—and I tried to picture it: this muscular, prim gentleman shoving slice after slice of pizza into his mouth, and the scene was so absurd that I couldnʼt help but laugh.

― Anyway,I continued, ― now that Iʼm not about to keel over, what say we get to know each other more properly?

― Alright,said Ganondorf, immediately proceeding to foil my plans with that most dreaded of get‑to‑know‑you questions: ― So, what are you planning on studying in school?

Who did he think he was, my advisor? I tried my best to play it cool. ― Oh, you know,I said, waving my hand a little. _Girls._ ― A bit of everything,—which was another way of saying _nothing at all_.

― A bit of… everything,replied Ganondorf the Betrayer. ― Is there a major for “a bit of everything”?

― Well, I guess you could say I havenʼt really decided yet!I told him. Around us, the parlour chatted on, unaware that our conversation had taken a sudden adversarial tone. A car horn blasted outside, which fit the mood much more nicely. ― I figure that if this year I can satisfy most of my general reqs, Iʼll hopefully have a better idea of what to pursue for next!

― That… certainly is one approach,was all he replied.

― Well, okay, Mr High‑and‑Mighty,I shot back, ― what have _you_ got your sights set on, then?

In response, he puffed his chest out in a dignified manner. ― Art History,he said, proudly.

And oh, thank the goddesses. I laughed, picturing this mountain of a man walking around, a suit in some museum, taking notes in his padfolio—but only because I could _totally_ see it. ― Art History?I asked. ― Din, and here I was worried youʼd say something _employable_.

― Anything is employable if youʼre good enough,Ganondorf retorted, and I was fine letting him live with that illusion.

― Anyway,I said, taking a sip of my (Mt. Lanayru) soda, ― I think it suits you. You look… arty.

― Iʼm sure I donʼt know _what_ you mean by that,he responded.

― You know,and I gestured to his body. He had that soccer‑player look about him: Toned, athletic, and also somehow slightly _flamboyant_ , despite not wearing anything more sophisticated than jeans and a polo, his red hair tied back in a ponytail, a glitter of gold embedded into his ear. ― …Sculpted,I said.

In a moment of rare tribadic insight I realized he probably thought I was hitting on him. ― Oh, uh,I quickly clarified. ― Just to be clear, Iʼm only into girls.

He laughed, then, claiming what was (only!) his third slice. ― Sculpted, huh,he said.

― I mean,I continued. ― I guess youʼd probably make a pretty shitty art historian if you didnʼt have good æsthetic.

― You Would Be Surprised,he replied, giving me a knowing look.

― Itʼs a long semester,I said. ― I expect to hear all about it.

And the silence was much more comfortable at that point.

― So tell me,I ventured, because he was clearly very passionate about it, ― why Art History? Thereʼs _got_ to be a reason behind it.

― Well,Ganondorf sighed, and there was. ― My grandmamás on my, uh, older motherʼs side were really devout, yʼknow? My mums, not so much. But anyway, when I was young, they would still drag us to all these old temples, and the museums, and—I just think itʼs really interesting,he explained. ― Seeing how it has all evolved. I feel like thatʼs something we need to keep alive, that history, and that means you need young people like me stepping up and learning it.

History as praxis? I wasnʼt sure Iʼd ever heard that one before. I chewed on it for a moment, as I much more literally chewed through a crust.

― Thatʼs… really interesting,I finally replied. ― I mean, you listen to most people—Hylians, anyway, I mean—when they talk about History and itʼs all about like, discovering new _dead_ stuff. But you talk about it instead like youʼre… keeping something _alive_. Like, it doesnʼt sound like youʼre interested in Progress so much as like…

— …Sustaining the conversation, yes,Ganondorf said.

— Sorry, but I just find that _super_ interesting,I said. And we sat there a moment, me with a newfound perspective to ponder, and Ganondorf with an Obvious expression which signalled to me that this was probably, like, Art History 101. And then my phone buzzed, interrupting our moment. ― Oh, shit,I said, noting the alarm, ― floor meeting at 8PM. We need to head back.

We both eyed the Tri Force Pizza remains. It had been divided into 8 pieces, of which Ganondorf had taken 3 for himself, and I had taken 4. Neither of us reached for the final one.

― …We donʼt have a fridge yet,I remarked.

― Yet?

― Oh, yeah, I _was_ going to rent one.Minifridges were the sort of expense I could easily pass on to my father. ― Tomorrow. But uh…I waved my hand over the lonesome slice. ― Hate to waste food until then.

― What do you say we split it?Ganondorf asked.

― My thoughts exactly,I replied, and without further ado seized upon the piece, attempted to tear it lengthwise down the middle, and ultimately made a terrible mess.

But Ganondorf made no comment on the matter, taking his bleeding cut from my hands and, for once, downing it with gusto. Then we each grabbed our things, paid our ticket, and booked it into the night.

* * *

The room was packed. We were divided into two, the right half of the room taken by section D, the girlsʼ wing, and the left taken by section C, which consisted of the boys and me. Nevertheless, the meeting began with Anju addressing the group as a whole.

― Alright, second floor Romani, all present and accounted for. Iʼd first like to introduce your Resident Assistants—or R.A.s. They will be living with you and your first point of contact if anything goes wrong. Section C, your R.A. is Pipit—and a handsome brown‑haired boy raised his hand, ― —and section D, your R.A. will be Karane—a similarly attractive redheaded girl. ― Of course, we all need time to sleep and study, so in the evenings only one of us will be “on duty”—that will be posted to the whiteboard out in the hall. _Go to them first_ so that the rest of us can get our rest.

And then icebreakers followed, such that we could meet the rest of our sections, and the rest of our floor.My presence within section C elicited a few raised eyebrows from my compañeros, but none said anything until word got out that I was rooming with Ganondorf.

― So, are you, like, siblings, or something?one boy asked, which led us both to laugh. (We looked nothing alike.)

― Thank the goddess we arenʼt,Ganondorf said, prompting a stern look from me. ― I donʼt think I wouldʼve survived growing up with _another_ sister.

― Maaan, I wish I couldʼve gotten a hot girl rooming with me,another remarked.

― No way, man, then you have to like… share everything. And you have to keep your room clean all the time, and your desk organized…and there was a loud chorus of groans from the boys for whom cleanliness was not in their nature. ― Take it from me,the speaker said, a boy with an obscene red pompadour named Groose, ― itʼs much better to have a hot girlfriend you can just _drop in on_ , and still keep your man‑space.

I wondered how he knew. We were all first‑years here, yes? (Resident Assistants aside.)

And there was another chorus of ― Sorry, man,― Sorry,― Feel sorry about your man‑space,directed at Ganondorf, and we were both standing there trying not to crack up, knowing that not once had Ganondorf had anything which might be considered a “man‑space” in his entire life. And I felt, honestly, very warm and proud, because out of all these boys, I happened to get paired with the one who gave as little of a fuck about such things as me, and we were going to make it work out.

I _knew_ there was some magic in the Roommate Assignment which was not to be trifled with.

And so went the meeting. At one point, Karane pulled me aside to tell me that if I ever needed assistance with “girl things”, I was welcome to turn to her instead of Pipit. I had no idea what she could possibly mean by “girl things”, but she was really cute so I told her that I would be sure to keep that in mind.

And then it was a late night because Ganondorf had still not unpacked any of his things and wanted to at least get his sheets on the bed and clothes put away before we turned off the light. I didnʼt mind—it was my first night in a college dorm and fuck if I was going to bed _early_ —so I ran to the vending machine and bought us each a bottle of Mt. Lanayru and we made a (shitty) party out of it.

Then it was time to actually get _ready_ for bed—a bit of an awkward affair as I had never changed in a room which held a boy in it before, but I just stood behind my wardrobe and it blocked me from view perfectly adequately for the task of changing into my pyjamas. Our room had an adjoining (shared) watercloset, which I used to wash and brush up.

I was happy to finally collapse into bed.

The lights off and it was eerily silent. I was sure Ganondorf wasnʼt asleep yet, so I simply remarked as much: ― Is it just me or is it really fucking quiet in here?

― I donʼt know,Ganondorf said. ― It sounds pretty normal to me?

A few moments later and I had realized what it was. ― Oh, Nayru, you know what it is? Thereʼs no central air.

― We could… open the window?Ganondorf proposed.

― No, itʼs fine,(opening a window would not help at all) ― itʼs just… fucking weird. Never thought _that_ would be the first thing Iʼd miss, living here.I rolled over. It didnʼt feel like home. It felt like a fucking slumber party, is what it was.

And in true slumber‑party fashion, I was a long time falling asleep. I realized, in those restless hours, that there were some things Ganondorf and I still hadnʼt properly discussed. ― Hey,I spoke again, and Ganondorf mmʼd. ― Just to be clear… I donʼt have to give you the whole spiel about “my body is not your sex object”, right? Weʼre good on that?

― I wonʼt claim to somehow being exempt from masculinity,Ganondorf replied. ― But I was raised by dykes, in a house full of women. I think I know that particular spiel by now.

― Yeah,I replied. I rolled over again, to no avail. ― Sorry, my brainʼs just unwinding and… itʼs really fucking weird, isnʼt it? I mean, I was all like, oh, rooming with a boy instead of a girl, thatʼs NBD, whatever, but like? Itʼs actually a big D? Fucking Farore donʼt you dare make that joke.

He didnʼt, but I could hear him chuckling. ― Zelda,he said. ― Iʼm pretty sure basically everyone has been trying to tell you this all day now.

― Yeah, well, Iʼm a little slow on the uptake alright?I peered at him through the dark. ― Itʼs not a problem, itʼs just, thereʼs like this… intimacy, I guess, I donʼt know, that I was looking forward to, in the sense of just like, hey cool, we live together now, letʼs hang out in our underwear and talk about our periods or what the fuck ever I donʼt know Iʼve never done this before, and now Iʼm just like, do I still get that?? And like, I canʼt think of a reason why we _couldnʼt_ but at the same time I donʼt know if we can.

― I… do not think most men generally have so high of expectations regarding their roommate experiences,Ganondorf said. And this was fair. Perhaps my expectations were not well‑suited to a roommate so much as a romantic partner. I needed to get laid. He continued: ― But, I suppose I understand. I was rather looking forward to finally living with someone of my same gender, after all.

― Yeah,I acknowledged. ― Sorry about that. Sorry, I know this is the most late‑night bullshit. Itʼs only because itʼs pitch black and Nayru‑knows‑what‑hour that Iʼm even thinking about this stuff. But weʼre going to be spending a lot of pitch‑black Nayru‑knows‑what‑hours together, right?I stretched my hand upwards, and from my lofted position it touched the ceiling easily. ― Everyone wanted me to be scared of you. But Iʼm not scared of you. But that doesnʼt mean it wonʼt be weird.

― Weʼll figure it out?Ganondorf asked.

― Yep,I said.

― In the morning?

― Din, I hope so.

― Alright,he said, and yawned. And I heard him roll over. And before long, he was snoring, asleep soundly.

It didnʼt sound anything like central air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It turns out that past Zeldas were quite prolific in their childbearing. The Hyrule family name is very expansive, and virtually all of its girls are named Zelda.
> 
> The name of the university Zelda is attending is Horsebridge, which is in fact a reference to Orsedd Bridge (itself a reference to Mazura a.k.a. Horsehead), a location in Breath of the Wild (east of Hyrule Castle). You can take this as the rough setting for the story (although there isn't a college town there in the game!). The similarity of this name to the venerable _Oxbridge_ was just an added bonus.
> 
> The characters of Pipit, Groose, and Karane were originally Shad, Purlo, and Ashei (from Twilight Princess). I made the change in order to simply reduce the number of separate canons I am drawing my characters from! Also, who doesnʼt like Groose?? Right??
> 
> For those wondering about the month and weekday names, here are translations:
> 
>   * **For the months:** _Hyjuary_ = January; _Macuary_ = February; _Rudanny_ = March; _Ruta_ = April; _Cerry_ = May; _Naboury_ = June; _Impasse_ = July; _Raurst_ = August; _Medough_ = September; _Dimnber_ = October; _Nayrry_ = November; _Fallory_ = December.
>   * **For the weekdays:** _Raursday_ = Monday; _Sarisday_ = Tuesday; _Rudnesday_ = Wednesday; _Rutesday_ = Thursday; _Imnsday_ = Friday; _Nabrusday_ = Saturday; _Katsday_ = Sunday.
> 

> 
> As you may have already noticed: The words _lesbian_ , _sapphic_ , or _platonic_ will not appear in this fic, as Lesbos, Sappho, and Plato are not known to exist in the Zelda universe. Yes, it was very frustrating to write without them.
> 
> Portions of this chapter are based upon an earlier sketch—by yours truly—titled [My Roommate Ganondorf](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18924835). Remaining chapters consist entirely of never‑before‑published material.
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read this first chapter of Snapshots of a Princess!! I hope you enjoy that which is to come.


	2. Labour Day

Raursday, 04 Medough

Three days past and it was Labour Day. I was awoken by the noisy sound of alarms ringing and a pillow thrown at my face. I blinked my eyes open. ― What was _that_ for?I shouted.

― Get _up_ ,Ganondorf replied. ― We have classes.

― Yes, alright, I can hear the alarm just fine, thank you.I groaned and propped myself up, shaking my head to clear my face of hair.

― Right, well, itʼs only been going off for five minutes,Ganondorf grumbled.

To be clear: It wasnʼt that I wasnʼt a morning person. Birds chirping, sunrises, dew against your footsteps—I loved that shit. I just also slept through it on most days. I looked down at the pillow in my lap, then sighed and tossed it back onto Ganondorfʼs bed.

― I canʼt believe our first day of classes is on a friggin national holiday,I said.

I wasnʼt a classes person, mornings or no.

Getting dressed was the usual affair. I had half a mind to spice things up, get fancy for my first‑ever college class, before I realized that, for one, I didnʼt have time, and for another, I didnʼt actually care. So it was a white‑blouse‑and‑jeans sort of day. By the time I slipped my shoes on it was about a half‑hour til.

Comparative Mythologies. Our first class of the semester. A class we both shared.

The dining hall was packed but downtempo. I had hoped they would fix us something nice, given the occasion, and we were granted waffles, which I supposed was Good Enough. Ganondorf and I sat mostly alone (as alone as one could get in a crowded dining hall) at the end of our table. Glancing around, I didnʼt notice anyone else from our section there.

― Oh, I should probably warn you,Ganondorf mentioned as he cut into his lightly‑syruped breadflesh. ― My parents are going to be visiting today.

I had just placed my own soggy chunk in my mouth, and I very nearly spit it right back out onto him—which would have been nothing less than he deserved! Instead, I had the good sense to swallow, if not to chew. I gulped orange juice to help the sticky mass go down.

― Ganondorf!I exclaimed, finally, red in the face. ― A little more warning next time!

― What?he asked, indignant. ― Is that a problem?

― Well, no,I said, ― but itʼs a little terrifying!As if it being the first day of classes wasnʼt bad enough! I suddenly regretted my choice of casual attire—and mourned the relaxing afternoon‑slash‑evening which I had planned.

― Oh, goddess,he rolled his eyes. ― Weʼre _roommates_. You would have met them three days ago if they had been able to make Move‑in Day.

― Yeah, but, this is different!He made an extremely valid point. But it felt more… notable, somehow, when not _everyone_ was doing it. ― Like, theyʼll probably take us out to dinner, and—

― Theyʼll be taking _me_ out to dinner,Ganondorf amended. ― Theyʼd probably be willing to take you out to dinner also _if you wanted_ —do you _want_ to come to dinner with us?

― Well, yeah, of course, theyʼre _your parents_!And I knew I was making absolutely no sense now, so I wisely decided to stick a cork in it.

Awkward silence followed for about a waffle.

Eventually, I got my emotions back under control. ― So,I said, much more calmly. ― Tell me about them.

― Well,Ganondorf began, ― My mom Isha runs a small souvenir shop in the Gerudo quarter of our city, and my mom Ashai works in a kitchen.

_Oh thatʼs right theyʼre dykes how could I forget that very crucial fact!_ ― Sheʼs a cook?I asked. ― I bet your Harvest meals are _delicious_ , then.

― Well,Ganondorf said, and it was quite a _well_. ― First off, I said she _works_ in a kitchen, I didnʼt say she cooks—although she does, sometimes—not _usually_ for us, because it reminds her too much of her job. _Secondly_ , you _do_ know that Gerudo donʼt celebrate the same Harvest as Hylians, right?

― Oh,I said, blushing a little at my blunder. ― Sorry.

― The food _is_ good though,he told me.

― Well, thatʼs whatʼs important.I made for another bite of waffle, but I had drowned mine in so much syrup that it was now _quite_ falling apart, so this was easier said than done. I began to understand Ganondorfʼs more moderated approach.

It still tasted delicious, though.

― Anyway, both of their jobs mean that theyʼre often working odd hours, and thatʼs why they werenʼt able to make Move‑in with me. So theyʼre just coming by to check in and see that everythingʼs okay.

― …Where are you from, anyway?I asked, realizing that I didnʼt know. ― Is it a long drive?

― Kakariko,he replied, ― so itʼs what? Three hours? But there _is_ a mountain to cross.

― Oh,I said. ― Iʼve never been. Iʼm from the Capital,and he gave me a look that told me he very much knew that already, thanks much.

Was I really _that_ much of a Regentite?

― What about you?Ganondorf asked. ― Your parents?

― Well, my mumʼs passed, so itʼs just my dad,I told him ― And heʼs, like, some kind of magus in the State Department now, so he travels a lot. It was mostly my nanny wot raised me.

― State Department?Ganondorf asked—presumably for clarification.

― Bollocks if I know,I told him. ― When your last name is Hyrule, going into politics is sort of the Expectation. But,I tried to smile but Iʼm pretty sure it came out more a syrupy grimace, ― Iʼm pretty sure itʼs not for me.

Ganondorf gave me one long, hard look. ― Yeah,he said. ― Iʼd say thatʼs for the best.

The arse! ― Hey, I can be dignified if I want to, you twat,I laughed. It was probably a lie. ― Iʼll have you know, Iʼm like, thirty‑eight thousandth in line for the throne.

― Is that a fact?he asked, and no, I had pulled that number out my butt. But we both had a good laugh at the thought. ― You would _die_ ,he said.

― I would immediately issue a Holy Decree telling the Hylian Church to start marrying gays,I amended. ― _Then_ I would die.

― Oh, so you even have a plan?

― Yep,I said. ― Itʼs pretty much just those two things, but yep.

And with that the last waffles were gone.

* * *

The classroom didnʼt look much different from what I was accustomed to from secondary school, except that the desks were comfier (and on wheels!), everyone present was a bit older, and our professor, the mononymic Sahasrahla, was _much_ older, positively ancient. The period began with introductions, and we all went around and said our names and pronouns, and then Sahasrahla called us back to order.

― Iʼve already passed out syllabuses,he said, and they were going around, slowly. ― Read them on your own time, and if you have any questions, email me or stop by office hours; Iʼm not going to waste time with them here. Instead, weʼre going to get our feet wet with a demonstration of the sort of work weʼre going to be doing this semester. Who here is familiar with the Ocarina myth?

About a third of the hands in the room went up, including mine, every one of them Hylian (or Hylian‑looking, anyway) save one obvious Sheikah, Impa, who looked rather disgusted with the fact.

― Yes, well, I suppose it is not so relevant these days,Sahasrahla said. ― Zelda, if you would please.

Wait, me? Why me? And, oh, of course why me, because my name was Zelda Hyrule and the entire corpus of Hylian myth was little more than a genealogy of my divine bloodline—from which, I might remind, I was still _several times removed_.

I had a feeling I was going to get called on a _lot_ in this class, and I shot the professor daggers in a vain attempt to discourage it.

But, of course, I did know the legend. ― Right, so,I began, ― there had just been a great and terrible civil war in Hyrule, essentially over whether the Gorons and Zora would have to bow to the Hylian king, and the Hylians won, which meant that they did. So Hyrule was unified, and that was a good thing generally, although less so for the Zoras and Gorons I suppose. A decade or so after this the king starts opening negotiations with the leader of the Gerudo, a man named—I shot him a glance; Din, this was awkward, ― Ganondorf, because they were still an independent tribe out in the desert and if the two of them could get along then everyone would _really_ be set.

― So this is happening, and then the Divine Hylia Reincarnate, Princess Zelda receives a visit from a boy of the forest folk—I think she saw him in her dreams before or something like that, too? And _he_ says this Ganondorf guy is actually the Demon King in disguise, and that his true ambitions are for the Triforce, which at that time was locked up by the Royal Family in the Temple of Time adjacent to the Castle.

― So she obviously tells him to shove it because this is total batshit, right, but then _he_ says “I have proof”, and pulls out the Master Sword, which is this royal artefact wot was supposed to be locked away somewhere. And he says he comes from a future where Ganondorf actually did this and _won_ , and heʼs travelled back in time to warn everyone. So the Princess goes and checks and sure enough, the Master Sword has vanished from its pedestal, just like, gone, and the one this forest kid is holding is the Real Deal.

― So then _she_ goes and tells her pops, and they show him the sword and everything, and he demands Ganondorf be executed and declares war on the Gerudo just like that. And they win, and Hyrule is finally all united, but itʼs kind of shite because it turns out this king is a lot better at warring than governing, and so Hyrule falls into an era of decline.

― Sagaciously stated,Sahasrahla said, and I nearly gave him the finger except that he looked to be about a hundred and fifteen years old and yet still seemed like he could take me. Or at least destroy my grade. ― Now,he continued, ― questions of time travel aside, can anyone tell me what is _wrong_ with this story? Ganondorf, thank you.

― Gerudo donʼt believe in the Triforce,our classroomʼs Ganondorf stated, rather matter‑of‑factly. ― The idea that there is a physical wish‑granting manifestation of Power, Wisdom, and Courage, left to the Hylian people by the Goddesses, is a frankly obscene corruption of traditional Gerudo spirituality and philosophical thought. So the idea that they would try to deceive the Hyrule king to steal it is absurd.

Wow, harsh! I shot Ganondorf a look, too. ― But thatʼs the point, it _wasnʼt_ the Gerudo,I said, not _entirely_ sure how I had wound up defending this thing. ― It was the Demon King in disguise; like, he put on a suit and hat and was all “Iʼm Ganondorf of the Gerudo” and King Hyrule was all like “oh okay, well hereʼs where we keep the Triforces”. Except the forest kid and Zelda stopped him before it was too late.

― And yet,Sahasrahla said, ― somehow it was still the Gerudo which paid the price.And, well, it was hard to argue with that.

― Nevertheless,the professor continued, ― the historical aspects of Zeldaʼs account are correct. The Hyrulean Civil Warʼs conclusion had left King Nohansen I of Hyrule with authority over the Zora and Goron peoples, and with this he had claimed a unified land. However, the truth of the matter was that the bulk of the Gerudo region was firmly outside of his grasp. To rectify this situation, Nohansen I arranged to lay siege on the tribes who were occupying it at the time.

― There was one problem with this plan: The people of Hyrule were exhausted from fighting a bloody Civil War and were not eager to go off starting another. So Nohansen I invented the Ocarina legend to help muster support, drawing both from traditional Hylian stories about the Sages and Triforce, and from the racist beliefs of the time: namely, that the Gerudo were deceitful thieves who preyed upon unsuspecting Hylians. It could not have been further from the truth: The Gerudo of this time were an extremely isolationist culture, and hardly ever interacted with Hylians or their settlements.

― As a work of fact, then,Sahasrahla said, ― the Ocarina legend is worthless, little more than a piece of racist propaganda used by one king to achieve his military goals. However, as a cultural text, it is anything but—weaving together not only the primary theological questions of its day, but also then‑contemporary cultural artefacts and anxieties, leaving us with a snapshot of which issues were in the forefront of the mind of a typical Hylian. That latter reading,he concluded, ― is what we are in this class to discuss. Unit One will cover deities and Creation; Unit Two, Forces; Unit Three, common storytelling tropes; Unit Four, contemporary approaches. Materials will be posted online in the usual manner; bring printouts with you to class when you come.

And _that_ , more or less, made for the first period of my first‑ever college‑level class.

― Iʼm fucking _peeved_ ,I told Ganondorf as we were walking back to our quarters. The day was sunny and temperate, which—granted—tempered my frustrations a bit.

― Why, because he called out your Hylian bullshit?He clearly thought it was all in good fun.

― Do I look like the sort of person who gives a fuck about Hylian bullshit?I asked. I didnʼt bother giving him a chance to answer that one—the truth being that I cared more than I liked to admit. ― No, Iʼm peeved because it felt like he was calling out _me_ , specifically. As though just because my great‑granddadʼs great‑uncle invented this myth, that somehow makes _me_ responsible for it. Like Iʼm some Hylian posterchild or whatever.

― Well, I mean,Ganondorf said, ― your great‑granddadʼs great‑uncle _did_ kind of invent the myth.

― Oh, shove off.I frowned at him.

― Iʼm just saying,he continued. ― If you donʼt want people to assume youʼre a Hylian posterchild, maybe you need to put some more work into not looking the part. Or acting it,and he glanced at his phone. ― Anyway, your identity crisis is going to have to wait. Try to put on a pleasant face; my parents are just a few minutes out.

Oh, _fuck_. I stopped in my tracks—then ran to catch up. ― Wait, how many minutes is “a few minutes”?

― Like, five?

In my frustration, I had managed to completely forget they were coming at all.

* * *

Ganondorfʼs parents didnʼt take us out to dinner—they took us out to lunch. We went to a small sandwich shop—not subs—and bistro downtown. I ordered a grilled cheese with tomato soup—and if that sounds plebeian Let Me Tell You it was Not. We were seated at a table just big enough for the four of us; Ashai and Isha seemed in good spirits after the drive, and Ganondorf was laid‑back as ever.

― So,Isha said, once we were settled with our food, in her entrancingly thick Gerudo accent. ― How went first day of classes?

And Ganondorf laughed and I went red in the face because I just _knew_ the conversation was about to make a sharp right turn in my direction. And, lo: ― Zelda got her arse handed to her by Sahasrahla in Comparative Mythologies,he said, ― so it was pretty great.

― Sahasrahla?Ashai asked, thankfully—and unexpectedly—picking up on the _other_ name Ganondorf had mentioned. ― He still _teaches_? I swear he was about eighty when _I_ went through here.

That was interesting—I didnʼt know Ashai was an alum. ― Well he looks to be about a hundred now,I said, ― so that sounds about right.

Ashai laughed. ― Well, donʼt take it personally, dear. Hylians,and she waved her hand. ― Have a way of thinking they know all the answers. So he always finds someone to pick on in the first day of classes just to get the rest of them to all _shut up_.She shrugged. ― It sometimes works.

― Yeah, well, he couldʼve picked someone _else_ ,I said. ― Iʼm pretty sure heʼs only going after me because Hyrule is my family name.

― Give him some time,Ashai said, dismissing my criticism with another wave. ― I have a feeling youʼll come around.

― Do you not support the monarchy, then?Isha asked.

― Ganondorf, tell them I donʼt do politics,I said. (― She doesnʼt do politics,he said.) ― I think… there is some value in _a_ monarchy, and as far as rules for establishing that goes, I suppose “descended from the Goddess” is as good a basis as any.Not that her point was lost on me: If I supported the Royal Family, then I could hardly complain about special treatment afforded to the Royal Name. ― But, like, whatever,I summarized my general sentiment; ― if we stopped having Queens Hyrule, I wouldnʼt exactly be crying over it either.

The conversation was veering in the direction of interrogation, and I did my best to arrest this motion. ― Anyway,I said, ― Ashai, I didnʼt know you _also_ attended Horsebridge. What did you study here?

― Oh, yes, itʼs one of the reasons Ganondorf got in so easily, Iʼm sure,Ashai replied. ― I majored in Gender Studies, believe it or not, with a concentration in Masculinities.

― Oh?I asked, dunking my sandwich in my soup. Uncharacteristically for me, I had hardly _begun_ eating; Ashai, likewise; both of us locked in conversation. Ganondorf was keeping his usual, methodical pace, but Ishaʼs meal was disappearing fast. ― Any useful tidbits to share?

― If youʼre asking me how to attract cute voe,Ashai said, ― bear in mind that I _am_ still a tribade.And she leaned over and kissed Isha on the lips and if _that_ wasnʼt just the cutest thing I had seen in my life.

― Oh, no worries, same,I said casually, eliciting surprised squeals from both women.

― Ganondorf!Ashai chided. ― You didnʼt tell us that your new roommate is a vai‑lover!

― I didnʼt know Hylians _came_ in dyke,Isha remarked, earning her a scornful look and a slap on the wrist from her wife.

But I just laughed in response. ― Oh, weʼre a rare breed—believe me, I am Quite Aware,I said.

― Hang in there, well‑adjusted Hylian friend,Isha told me. ― Iʼm sure there is a beautiful vai‑loving vai just waiting for you to meet her.

I smiled and nodded and _why the hell was I blushing so hard?_ ― Fingers crossed,I said.

― Anyway,Ashai continued, ― when it comes to our darling Ganondorf, Iʼm afraid my advice wonʼt be of much use to you. Over the years he seems to have grown quite resistant to womanly tricks—

― —seeing as I live in a house with _eight_ of them,Ganondorf finished for her.

And so our lunchtime banter went on. Around us, families and students came and went as we progressed through the hour; we were in no rush ourselves, chatting and eating idly amidst the everpresent murmur. Eventually, however, the hour passed and it was time for me to bid my farewell. ― Unfortunately, I have class,I explained, collecting my things, ― but it really was lovely meeting you two.

― Likewise,Isha said, at the same time as Ashai asked ― What class?

― Uhh… Intermediate Gerudo,I told them, smiling at the coincidence.

― Oh!Isha said. ― Well, savʼaaq, then,and she winked at me, and I quickly rushed away before I would feel pressured to formulate a response.

GER 205 Intermediate Gerudo was thankfully located in the same Humanities building as our first class of the day had been, so I was able to rush back quickly without getting lost on my way. As far as class structure went, it was much more what I would have expected: no being called on embarrassingly in front of the class; lots of time going over the syllabus with very little real instruction. The teacher, Aveil, was a middle‑aged woman whose accent very much reminded me of Isha, and she frequently switched from Hylian to Gerudo and back—sometimes in the same sentence—making my brain hurt in the attempt to decipher her words. I had taken several years of Gerudo in secondary school, but the summer had not been kind to my language retention.

The cute purple‑haired lady sitting to my left certainly wasnʼt helping my focus, either. I caught her name as we did introductions— _Jules_ —and quickly committed it to memory. Could _she_ be my fated vai?

As I was struggling to make sense of both my feelings and what exactly we were to be studying, I learned later, Ganondorf was giving his mums a campus tour. Reportedly, Ashai stopped them to point out every little thing which had changed in the two decades since she had been in attendance, so this was not a fast process. Then they visited our dorm, and Ganondorf showed them our room—which, I realized in a panic afterwards, I had _not_ had the chance to pick up—but thankfully after only three days of residence there were only so many pairs of panties one could leave strewn across the floor. I was told Isha nodded approvingly at our minifridge, remarking ― Now you have a place to keep leftovers!before opening it and promptly discovering it was already filled to the brim with bottles of Mt. Lanayru. Ganondorf refused to take the blame for that one, which, fair.

For my part, after class I held no interest in breaking up the Dragmire family hour happening at that moment in my dorm room (and potentially opening myself up to a quizzing of my Gerudo competence, now that _that_ remlit was out of the bag), so I popped by the student union building for a latte, texting Ganondorf to tell him to let me know when theyʼd left. Then I downloaded the first of the PDFs for our Comparative Mythologies readings, and, for the first time in my college experience, started on homework.

It _was_ a three‑hour drive, and they _did_ have to cross a mountain. So Ganondorfʼs parents had left before evenfall.

* * *

Night came and I entered my room with a towel wrapped around my head. ― _Thatʼs_ going to get annoying fast, let me tell you,I said. I was returning from my voyage to the womenʼs showers, which were, naturally clear on the other end of the building, in the womenʼs wing of the hall. ― Maybe I can get away with only showering every _other_ day. Din, what a walk.

― Imagine that,Ganondorf replied. ― This building wasnʼt designed with stubborn first‑year gender rebels like yourself in mind.

― Iʼm hardly rebelling,I told him, as I put my soaps away and set my towel up to dry. ― Iʼm simply calling their bluff. _They_ say you canʼt stick two horny first‑years of differing genders in a room together without someone getting hurt; _I_ say you can.

― …Iʼm not sure I would describe my emotional state right now as “horny”,Ganondorf said.

― Youʼre not?I asked. ― I sure am.I looked up at my raised mattress and groaned. ― Ugh, why did I have to pick the _loft_?I complained, begrudgingly climbing my way up to it. ― So much work. Let me flop and fantasize in peace.

― Iʼm sure you could ask them to lower it,Ganondorf said.

― _Fuck no_ , I like it up here,I replied, ― just not the, climbing up every day to get there part.I surveyed the room from my new vantage point. After making it back at the end of the day, I had done some belated cleaning, so my side actually looked pretty nice. Ganondorfʼs was, of course, impeccable. ― You know what we need?I asked, looking out over the vast vacuous expanse of cheaply carpeted floor. ― A beanbag chair.

― _Please_ do not do any fantasizing on our hypothetical beanbag chair,Ganondorf replied, not even bothering to look up at me.

― I meant for the _flopping_ part, Farore.I considered it, though. ― I feel like that would be bad for your back? Beanbag chair sex?

― You are asking the wrong voe,Ganondorf said.

His choice of language sparked a thought in me. ― Oh, hey, about that,and he gave me a look, ― sorry, not the sex—do you speak Gerudo? If I get stuck can I, like, ask you?

― Oh,he said. ― Yeah, sure. I speak it fairly well.

― A lot better than me, I bet,I told him. ― Okay, Iʼll hold you to that.

― How was class, by the way?Ganondorf asked. ― I noticed you sort of disappeared afterwards.

― Oh, it went well enough,I replied. ― Actually, I think your parents worked some magic or something, because thereʼs a girl in there whoʼs, like, really cute…

― Is she gay?Ganondorf queried, ever the pragmatist.

― With that hair?I asked, recalling her violet pixie. ― She _has_ to be.

Silence descended on the room, but not uncomfortably. Ganondorf was playing something or other on his laptop, and the tick‑tick of his keypresses made for a soothing sort of ASMR. I pondered pulling out my phone and reading fanfiction, but ultimately decided I didnʼt have the focus after my shower. So I just snuggled in and stared off into space, thinking of cute classmates and everything else.

― Your parents were nice,I finally said. I had been mentally reviewing the day, and kept coming back to that point. They had seemed happy, and Ganondorf had seemed comfortable around them. It had been nice. Plus, that grilled cheese had been _seriously_ delicious.

― Mm?Ganondorf asked. ― Yeah, theyʼre pretty alright.

I laughed. ― Hereʼs hoping you never have to get through a meal with _mine_ ,I said.

― Not a fan of your father?

― Oh, we get along fine, heʼs just… not happy, or fun. And really strict! And a man. We just donʼt see eye‑to‑eye.Thinking about it made me tired, and I flopped over onto my stomach. ― I can put up with him just fine. But like, thereʼs no reason for _you_ to.I listened to the sounds of Ganondorf pressing away at the keyboard, remembering my Move‑in Day promise to him, which I had yet to act upon. ― I should call,I said. ― I just havenʼt yet.

― Itʼs only 7PM,Ganondorf told me. ― So, like, I donʼt know what hours he keeps, but you probably could, if you wanted to.

― You wouldnʼt find that distracting?I asked, and he shrugged. Well, fuck. I guess I _could_ call him.

Now that I was thinking about it, I figured I might as well just get it over with, then.

― Zelda?my fatherʼs voice came in on the phone. ― I was wondering when you would call.

― Yeah, sorry, itʼs been busy here.That was _mostly_ a lie—we did fuck all yesterday, for example—but it sounded good enough. ― Today was first day of classes.

― Did your roommate finally show up, then?he asked.

― Yeah, Phantom Roommate showed up,I replied. ― His nameʼs Ganondorf, and heʼs pretty great, actually,and I flipped Ganondorf off as I said this, just to be clear I wasnʼt going soft, and I heard him laugh. ― His parents visited today and they were really sweet.

― Okay, well, if anything happens, just be sure to use a condom,he advised.

Well, _that_ certainly came out of nowhere. ― _Hylia_ , dad, Iʼm going to hang up on you if youʼre going to speak like that,I warned. ― You know Iʼm not interested in guys.

― Yes, well, things change,he said. ― I just want you to be safe.

― I donʼt even know if Ganondorf is _interested_ in women,I said—then called over to him, because that was actually a worthwhile question I couldnʼt believe I hadnʼt asked. ― Hey, Ganondorf, are you into women?

He made a farting noise with his mouth and shrugged indifferently.

― Yeah, Ganondorf says he doesnʼt even like girls,I paraphrased into my phone. ― So you have nothing to worry about.

― Alright,my father said, although he didnʼt sound convinced. Which, to be fair, he probably _did_ have things to worry about, just not with regards to _that_. ― How were classes.

― Uh, hard,I said. ― I think my Comparative Mythologies professor has it out for me. Ganondorfʼs mum says that he is just Like That, though, so weʼll see. Lot of reading.

― Yes, well, be sure to budget your time,came the reply. ― Donʼt pull any late nights if you donʼt have to.

― Yes, _dad_.I sighed. This here? was exactly what I was talking about. All the ways he could have picked up that thread of conversation and he had to go with “telling me what to do”.

I wasnʼt sure if he really even knew how to interact with me otherwise.

― Yeah, well, speaking of,I said. ― I know itʼs not that late, but Iʼm actually pretty knackered from the day. Lots to do tomorrow, just wanted to check in.

― Alright,he replied. ― Well, donʼt be a stranger.

― Yeah. Love you. Byyye.And I tossed my phone to the side.

― Alright call?Ganondorf asked.

― He says to get lots of sleep,I responded.

― We can turn off the lights if you want to—

― Fuck _no_ ,I replied. ― This is college; pass me a soda, weʼre staying up all night.

We didnʼt actually. But we put up a good fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wait, _Jules?_ Zelda, thatʼs the wrong purple‑haired woman to be falling for! (Alas, she canʼt read the tags.)
> 
> You may wonder why the people of Hyrule celebrate Labour Day—and why they might do so on this day in particular. The answer is that they all follow the Animal Crossing calendar.
> 
> The name of the Hyrulean capital is _Regencia_ , after the river it lies upon—hence Zeldaʼs designation as a _Regentite_. It includes a number of districts, including Zeldaʼs own Hycastle—the upper quarter of what conventionally would be considered Castle Town.
> 
> While I realize that the only Sheikah individual of canonically ambiguous gender is Sheik, my personal headcanon is that none of them give a fuck. In this story, Impa (only briefly mentioned in this chapter) uses they/them pronouns and introduced themself in class as such.


	3. Gerudo Harvest

Imnsday, 22 Medough

I burst into our room in a panic. ― Ganondorf,I said, finding him reclining quite casually in bed, reading a book. ― I need your help.

― Oh?he said, not looking up, my alarm completely failing to faze him.

― Okay, so, you know itʼs the autumnal equinox today, right? Well, that means itʼs also Gerudo Harvest Day—which, I mean, obviously you knew that.He raised an eyebrow. In my defence, I was rather distraught. ― Anyway, point is, the Gerudo language department is having a Harvest social, and itʼs extra credit for our class if we attend, and, like, free food, so most people are going to.

He sighed and scrounged up a bookmark, gathering that this was not a _quick_ sort of interruption, and placed it between the pages as he closed the text. ― …And?he asked.

― And,I said, breathing deeply. ― You remember Jules, right? That girl in my class I said I had a crush on? Well, _what if she is there?_ Ganondorf, this could be my chance! We havenʼt had time to talk at _all_ yet!

― Ah,he said, and it was a very “so the problem is Zelda is horny” sort of “ah”. ― Well, good luck, then.

― Ganondorf, _I canʼt speak Gerudo!_ Iʼll make a fool of myself. _You_ promised to help me,I reminded him.

He gave a very loud, exasperated sigh. ― Alright,he said. ― Well, letʼs have a look at your homework, then.

And so, for the next hour, Ganondorf tutored me in the Gerudo language.

― Your Vʼs are too Hylian,Ganondorf said at one point. We were both leaning over a worksheet of basic phrases which, by all rights, I ought to have memorized by now. For the most part, he was just checking my pronunciation. ― You need to bite into them more.

― What The Fuck Does That Mean,I replied. ― Sa _v_ ʼsaaba.

― No, see, that just sounds like “sa _b_ ʼsaaba”,he said. ― Sa _v_ ʼsaaba.And it did rather look like he was eating his lower lip when he said it.

― I Have No Idea How To Do That,I told him.

He pondered for a moment how to get the point across to someone so clearly inept. ― Okay, right.He snapped his fingers. ― Say “fuck”.

― Iʼll cuss you the fuck out if you want me to but I donʼt see how thatʼs helping me learn Gerudo.

― No,he said. ― I mean, _really_ say it. Like, spit it out at me.

― Fuck?Why was this suddenly embarrassing? I swore all the fucking time, but usually people werenʼt picking apart my _pronunciation_ as I did it.

― More oomph!he shouted.

― _Fuck!_

― Like that!he said. ― Like that; did you notice how you bit into your lip, there? Thatʼs what you need to do with your Vʼs.

I supposed I could sort of tell what he meant—there was a kind of biting, spitting motion to it; my upper teeth connecting just under my lower lip; my lip flicking outward rather than remaining docile. ― So I need to speak Gerudo like Iʼm blaspheming obscenities?I asked. ― Sa _v_ ʼsaaba.It sounded about the same to me, but Ganondorf told me it was much better.

― You Hylians are too prim,he said, and I laughed, because look who was talking. ― If you want to speak Gerudo, you canʼt be shy about it. You have to really _commit_ to the syllables.

And we moved on from basic phrases.

― Aaqvʼh _as_ ,Ganondorf corrected me. ― _Aaq_ is in the first person but _ha_ is in the second. Youʼre making a request.

― Ugh, fuck me,I said. ― Say the whole thing again.

― Aaqvʼhas tensava,he repeated. _Let us dance together._

― Blergh,I replied, which was _definitely_ not a Gerudo word. Despite not having any noticeable accent in his everyday Hylian, Ganondorfʼs Gerudo was impeccable, his deep voice dancing easily over the syllables as it weaved together his phrases. My own seemed tinny and clumsy in comparison. ― Did anyone ever tell you you have a really attractive voice when youʼre speaking Gerudo?I asked him.

― Youʼre just trying to distract from your studies,Ganondorf surmised, correctly.

― Yeah,I sat back up. ― But it _is_ true.

― Well, I appreciate the sentiment,Ganondorf said, ― although Iʼm not sure I should be placing too much faith in the opinion of someone who so forcefully disavows any interest in men.

― Gerudo is a _tribadic tongue_ ,I told him. He snorted, but didnʼt object to the characterization. ― Youʼre perfectly obnoxious now that youʼre speaking Hylian.

― I see _now_ why youʼve chosen to study it,Ganondorf remarked.

― Oh, only now? And here I thought I gave it away with “Hey, Ganondorf, teach me Gerudo so I can attract this cute woman!”

― Well, youʼll just wind up scaring them away if you have shitty grammar,he said. ― Letʼs review the conjugations again.

― Say you met someone _you_ really liked,I asked, wanting anything but to review the conjugations again. ― What would you say to them?

― Do you mean in real life, or are we presuming I have been transported into some romantic drama?Ganondorf asked.

― Ooh, go with the latter.Sometimes I liked to imagine _my_ life as such, despite having approximately nil resembling either romance _or_ drama going on currently. Well, I tried.

― Hm. I would address them, and then I would hold out my hand, and I would say “tarvʼhas sotave ger za aaqvʼlikave koivos udova orq”, or something along those lines. Itʼs a paraphrase from a Gerudo play about a tragic hero.And he related an abridged version of the story. ― The night before a great battle, this hero and their beloved are lying together in the desert, wondering what would happen if they simply let the sands claim them, together as lovers, the war carrying on without their presence. The next day, their wish is granted, as they both perish in the fight. Itʼs sad, but also very sweet.

― Mm, yep, see,I said, glancing through my notes. What kind of story ends with the hero _dying_? But I supposed it was some kind of romantic. ― If youʼd had boobs, youʼdʼve had me at “tarvʼha”.

― “Tarvʼh _as_ ”,Ganondorf corrected, and I groaned again.

I had no idea what any of those words meant.

Nevertheless, Ganondorf was a fairly decent teacher, and although I tried my hardest to avoid speaking anything and just listen to his deep intonations, we actually covered a fair bit of material, and I felt a little more confident as the supper hour approached. I asked for Ganondorfʼs advice on what to wear, to which he replied “Fuck if I know.” I decided to keep it simple—a plain dress and sandals—and accessorize.

― Alright,I said, as I headed for the door. ― Iʼm off. Iʼll let you know how it went when I get back, yeah? Or—Iʼll text you.

He gave me a thumbs‑up of encouragement, and I was on my way.

* * *

The social was planned for 6PM to 8PM in the yard outside the Humanities building, and the dining services had us catered with all manner of Gerudo‑inspired cuisine—various curries (I aimed for the spicier ones); roasted mushrooms; flatbread; melon salad. It was, for catered dining hall food, quite good, and the taste was enhanced by the fact that we were enjoying it in the early evening autumnal sun. Somewhere, there was a boombox, and it was blasting out contemporary Gerudo music, the open space and poor speakers not necessarily doing any favours to the comprehensibility of the various MCs flow.

I arrived early—just as they lifted the lids off of the dishes—because I was hungry and wasnʼt about to miss out on free supper. So I was already piling my plate with seconds by the time Jules arrived.

She came with friends—Frita and Lyndæ; I vaguely recognized them from class—and naturally looked absolutely stunning, the sunlight shining through her violet breeze‑tousled hair, a flattering dress, gems sparkling from nondescript studs in her ears. I sauntered up to them casually. _Youʼre not trying to impress a potential crush_ , I told myself, in an attempt to cool my nerves. _Youʼre just greeting classmates. Donʼt forget to say it like a swear._

I nodded in their direction and flashed an award‑winning smile. ― Saʼfuck,I said, with cheer.

Alright, maybe not quite like _that_. They stared at me like I was on shrooms of a less benign nature.

― …Did you just say “saʼfuck”?Jules asked.

― Oh Goddess, _saʼvaaq_ ,I intoned. And, as Nayru would have it, this time my enunciation was perfectly flawless, _not that I was in any mood to celebrate_ , because I totally just had. I totally just had walked up to my biggest crush and said “saʼfuck”. I was beet red.

― I can never pronounce that V,Lyndæ said, thankfully defusing the situation. He had a strong Goron accent even speaking Hylian, so I could only imagine what his Gerudo might sound like. ― Itʼs really embarrassing, goro.

― Um, guys,Frita interjected. ― Iʼm pretty sure weʼre not supposed to be speaking Hylian.

In truth, we only spoke Gerudo about half the time. My mistake hadnʼt ostracized me from the group, but it sure as heck did take the wind out of my sails. Jules didnʼt even know who I was (― Sheʼs in our class, goro,Lyndæ reminded her), so I fumbled my way through an introduction and mostly just felt like an incredibly ill‑fitting forth wheel. The night rolled on smoothly regardless.

About an hour further into the evening and the food was packed away, the music switched to live. A dance square opened up, but _fuck_ if I was going to ask Jules and embarrass myself all over again butchering that one too. Instead I watched jealously from afar as she spun around Frita in the evening light, laughing and looking like she was having the time of her life.

― You look kind of down, brother,Lyndæ said, coming to sit beside me.

― Huh? Oh, no.He didnʼt even try speaking Gerudo so I didnʼt bother either.

― I wish I could dance like that,he said, watching Jules and Frita along with me. ― I always trip up over my feet and get embarrassed.

― Hah,I said. ― It canʼt be much worse than saying “saʼfuck”, so I say go for it. Although, I suppose I have a vested interest in not being the only one to make a fool of myself tonight.

― I donʼt know,Lyndæ said. ― Your pronunciation is still better than mine, brother.

His flattery was pretty transparent, although it was probably also the truth. In any case, it made me feel just a little better about myself. Lyndæ had that kind of personality: He was shy, but strong and supportive, and—not that I wasnʼt a dyke, but I could maybe make an exception for Gorons; they only _had_ one gender—kind of cute. Not that my sights werenʼt still set elsewhere. ― Alright,I said, brushing my hair out of my eyes and turning away from Honey and Darling to look at him directly. ― Howʼs this, then: “Aaqvʼhas tensava”.

― It sounded pretty Gerudo to me, brother,he said. ― What does it mean?

― Itʼs asking someone to dance,I told him. ― My roommate taught it to me. I have a feeling Iʼd mess it up when it counted, though.

― Is there someone you wanted to ask, brother?

― _Nope_ ,I lied. I was pretty sure that wouldnʼt hold up to scrutiny. ― You? We could go out there, make fools of ourselves together, if you wanted.

― Oh, I donʼt know, goro, like I said…He really _was_ shy. But I was bored of sitting and moping.

― Oh, come on,I said. ― If you mess up, weʼll just say it was my fault. Iʼve got nothing better to do tonight.

And so we danced. And he wasnʼt joking about being clumsy—all blocky motions and rough gestures and unable to really keep time—but once he relaxed we started rolling with it and actually had a really good time. I was pretty sure he had a little bit of a crush on me. It wasnʼt mutual, in the sense that the person I wanted to jump was five paces to our right, but he didnʼt make it awkward so I wasnʼt bothered by it. And—again—he _was_ kind of darling, in a non‑sexual sort of way. I spent the rest of the evening trying to goad him into speaking Gerudo.

8PM came and went, and it was closer to 9 when the event actually wound down, the skies at this point quite dark. I was nearly ready to say my farewells and return to Ganondorf to report an unsuccessful, if ultimately enjoyable evening (and maybe have a yell at him for his disastrous advice), when Jules and Frita approached us again. ― Hey, misfits,she said, and I _wanted_ to believe that that term was endearing. ― Itʼs Imnsday night, and I heard through the grapevine that the Yiga House is throwing a killer party. You all want to tag along or what?

― Parties arenʼt really my thing…Lyndæ said, bowing out. ― You all go on without me. Have fun, goro.

― Alright,she said. ― Zelda?

I had yet to attend a college party, mostly because Ganondorf showed zero interest and I, uh, didnʼt really have any other friends. So I jumped at the opportunity, encouraged by the fact that Jules had actually remembered my name. ― Yes!I said, and I quickly pulled out my phone and texted Ganondorf:  
_going 2 party @ Yiga_  
_back l8 prolly_ before following along.

I didnʼt know anything about parties, but the night wasnʼt over yet.

* * *

Not even five feet past the door of Yiga House and my hopes and dreams were already shattered. There was a tall boy waiting there by the entrance, blond, muscular, and he walked up and placed a very unchaste kiss on Julesʼs lips. I did my best not to gag.

― This is my boyfriend, Link,Jules introduced, and I feigned some kind of smile and nodded his way, my tribadic fantasy quickly evaporating into dust. _Boyfriend?_ ― Zelda,I said.

― I brought Hilda along too,Link remarked. His stature screamed “self‑important fuckboy” and I hated him already. He clarified: ― My roommate. I think sheʼs further in—ah! There she is.And he pointed out a shorter dark‑haired girl hovering somewhere near the punch. She had a sour look on her face.

― Punch sounds like a good idea,I said, which Jules followed with a ― Woot! Lead the way!

I spent the next thirty minutes trying to politely ditch the obnoxiously heterosexual couple. Unfortunately for me, I still had no friends—certainly not at the party—so my access to modes of egress were severely limited. ― Iʼve got it!I exclaimed, out loud. ― I will try my hand at beer pong,—but then Link challenged me, and naturally he was quite good at beer pong. So I found myself a loser on that front as well, and at this point quite tipsy besides.

Needless to say, it was my first‑ever college party, and I was not having a very good time.

I wished at least that Ganondorf was there.

So, about a half hour in and I figured that perhaps Hilda had the right idea. ― I think Iʼm going to hang out by the punch bowl,I said, _and scowl_ , I thought.

I am not sure they even noticed my departure.

I filled my cup yet again. It wasnʼt my _first_ exposure to alcohol, but I was far from experienced in the matter, and the night was quickly proving me to be a lightweight. Still, it gave me something to do in this Hylia‑forsaken land. I eyed my fellow partygoers like they were blin on the prowl.

Then I spotted Hilda again, and figured, fuck it, might as well go talk to her, it wasnʼt as though I was doing anything else.

At least she wasnʼt snogging on a boy, and I at least knew her name.

― Hey,I said, strolling up to her, and if anything her sour expression grew even darker. ― Youʼre Linkʼs roommate, right?My drunk brain finally connected that this made us kin of sorts, seeing as we both shared our rooms with a man. ― He mentioned you as we came in. Iʼm Zelda,and I held out my hand.

She didnʼt take it. ― Oh, I am _well aware_ ,she said disdainfully.

― Um, pardon?I asked. How did she know me? Did we share a class? Is that why she looked so upset—was I supposed to have remembered her? It would have been about par for the course for this evening.

But such did not seem to be the case. ― Oh, Iʼve heard _all about you_ ,Hilda told me, practically spitting the words out. My ripe arse did not know how to process this unexpected vitriol, so I just sort of, stood there and stared. ― The _brave Hylian woman_ who decided to room all by her lonesome with the _big Gerudo man_.

Okay, what the fuck? I actually said that: ― Okay, what the _fuck_? Do you have a problem with my rooming arrangements?

― I have a problem with the fact that you were _given a choice_ ,Hilda spat. ― I would have _killed_ to have gotten to choose whether or not I roomed with a boy.Her eyes darkened further. ― Maybe I will yet. But apparently, that option is only available to _Hylian cishets_.

_Oh._ ― Look, I hate Link too, but please do not _murder him_ , alright?I said. ― That would be _a crime_.

― Oh?she asked, for the first time not completely caustic. Had she thought me… one of Linkʼs friends? I recalled that I _had_ arrived with Jules, and, wow. In retrospect, could not have given a worse first impression. ― You hate my roommate? What did Link do to _you_?

― Exist? Heʼs dating my crush,I said. ― Which, _by the way_ , fuck you, I may be cis, but I sure as fuck ainʼt het.

― You have a crush on _Jules_?Hilda asked. Then she laughed, and it was the most evil, malicious‑sounding cackle I had ever heard escape another human beingʼs mouth. ― Oh, sweetheart,she said, ― Link did you a _favour_. Jules is, like, so incredibly straight you canʼt imagine.

― Yes, Iʼm beginning to gather that,I frowned. So much for Ganondorfʼs momsʼ wishes of good luck. ― Still, that doesnʼt explain what the Fuck is your problem with me! I donʼt work for ResLife; Iʼm not the reason youʼre stuck with fucking arsehat over there.

― I have a problem _whenever_ cis girls get touted as “progressive” or “gender radical” for things that trans women have been doing for ages,she replied. ― Being a dyke doesnʼt make you any less of a TERF.

― What the actual fuck?!I asked, probably far louder than I needed to. ― I am totally cool with trans people! Trans people are great! Itʼs not like being declared male at birth somehow makes you any less capable of eating a woman out!

― If you are so “cool” with trans people,Hilda countered, ― then where are they in your politics?

― I. Donʼt. Do. Politics,I replied, loudly. We were causing a bit of a scene, not that anyone was paying any attention to notice. ― What I do is _fuck_ , except evidently not, because apparently there isnʼt a single fucking dyke at this school interested in me!

― Well, there sure as hell arenʼt any _cis, straight girls_ interested in you,Hilda laughed, and I shook my (once again empty) cup at her, because of course she was right, and I had spent my first three weeks at campus barking entirely up the wrong tree.

― So there are _trans, gay girls_ interested in me, then?I challenged, too blasted to really think about where I was taking this conversation.

― Interested in fucking you? Well, itʼd certainly put you in your place.

― In _my_ place? You mean, _beneath you_.

And she laughed again, but less maliciously this time. Somehow, this was… banter? This was some very drunk, sexual banter between two sloshed dykes who maybe hated each otherʼs guts. ― I am disgusted by everything that you stand to represent,Hilda said. Amendment: _Definitely_ hated each otherʼs guts. ― But Iʼm also drunk and horny as fuck, so Iʼd place you at about a “maybe”. Iʼm sure this has never occured to _you_ , but living in the menʼs wing of a dorm doesnʼt exactly leave a whole lot of opportunities for _meeting other girls_.

― Um, actually, it _has_ occurred to me,I shot back, ― seeing as I am in _exactly the same situation as you_.

― _Far_ from it,Hilda replied, rolling her eyes. Now that she wasnʼt in perpetual scowl‑mode, I had to admit that she was actually pretty cute. By which I mean, I was drunk and thinking about sex—but really fucking attractive?!

Better than fucking _Jules_ , anyway. I set my empty cup down on the counter. I was pissed and it was Imnsday night and I came here to get fucking laid. I wanted to get laid. ― So,I said. ― How about that “maybe”? We doing this?

Around us, the party continued, loud and thankfully still oblivious to all our outbursts and the arrangement which was now on the table. Hilda eyed me critically, very pointedly _not_ checking me out. Then, she sighed. ― Your room or mine?she asked.

― Yours. _Definitely_ yours,I said. And the thought reminded me to update Ganondorf on the situation.

_jules is STR8 but im still getting LAID_ I messaged.

He replied a few minutes later.  
_Stay Safe :)_ he said. I responded with a thumbs‑up emoji and let an impatient Hilda lead me away by the hand.

Hers was warm—unexpectedly, given her cold demeanor—amazingly so. Upon closer inspection, I noticed she was blushing slightly, too. As cold and critical as were her airs, she was still just a first‑year, same as me, taking a cute girl home for the very first time. There was no disguising the vulnerability of it, an endearing reminder of her inexperience and her humanity. We were, both of us, pissed, and nervous. With that in mind, I was willing to look past her initial hostility.

― Hilda,I said, and we stopped, on the sidewalk of a dimly‑lit street halfway between Yiga House and her dorm. If we were going to do this, I wanted to do things correctly, and “correctly”, in that moment, felt like makeouts. ― I know you donʼt like me very much, but can I kiss you?A light breeze was blowing, and it sent slight goosebumps up my exposed arms. ― Iʼm too drunk to understand why youʼre upset with me,I continued, ― but I actually think youʼre really attractive. When youʼre not chewing me out.

― Letʼs get to my room first,she said, shivering a bit as well. ― Then you may.

When we arrived, I had to laugh, because the room was like two parallel universes: one side bright, lived‑in, greens and gold; the other dark, organized, deep purples and blacks and a strange bunny motif. ― You have a thing for rabbits?I giggled, squeezing her hand.

She blushed. ― Maybe.And I tilted her chin up and kissed her, and it probably wasnʼt the greatest kiss in the world and we both tasted like alcohol but in that moment it just felt _right_. My hand found the small of her back and I pulled her close to me, as our mouths opened into each other and our heads grew light. She led me over to her bed with all the grace and dignity of a Crown Princess and I rolled into it and under the covers with all the grace and dignity of a flushed dyke eager to rut. She laughed and joined my embrace willingly, and we spent the next five minutes more or less with our lips glued to each otherʼs mouths, our legs tangled tightly.

Then, temptation got the better of us, and we made like the rabbits and fucked.

* * *

At some point in the night, I awoke, head hurting. I propped myself up and shivered as the chill of the room hit my exposed skin. Beside me, Hilda slept soundly.

I slipped out from under the covers and glanced over at Linkʼs bed, finding it empty and grimacing at the implication. Although, all things considered, him shacking up with Jules was probably preferable to his coming home to see me stark naked in his roommateʼs bed—Nayru knows we didnʼt bother putting a sock on the door. In the light of the moon I retrieved my panties from where they had been unceremoniously flung just hours before, and started the slow, dreary process of getting dressed.

I looked in the mirror above Hildaʼs dresser. My reflection bared no lies: I looked like the aftermath of a girl who had gotten drunk and shacked up at a houseparty, and I blinked hard at it before realizing my head hurt too much to care.

Hilda stirred, noticing my absence. ― Mlargh,she said.

― Mlargh to you too,I replied, with a little smile.

― Youʼre leaving?she asked.

― I donʼt want to worry my roommate by not coming home,I said, which she pooh‑poohed. ― And I donʼt really want to still be here whenever Link gets back.

― Okay,she admitted, ― thatʼs fair.

I walked over and sat on the bed next to her, now fully dressed, to put on my sandals. She reached out from under the covers like a monster and wrapped her arms around my waist. ― Warm,she said.

She was. Contrary to her intentions, the gesture made my heart swell and the thought of facing the brisk walk home that much more bearable—as much as I did not want to go. I leaned down and kissed her sweetly on the lips. ― Ice,I replied, teasingly. She rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue.

I rose and removed my jewellry from her desk—before searching it. ― Trying to rob me?she asked, smiling.

― Trying to leave you my number,I replied, grinning back. ― Do you have paper?

― Uh, in the drawer‑thingy—the long one… yeah.

I jotted the digits down, scrawling a heart in the corner and leaving the page on her desktop. ― In case you ever want to talk somewhere that _isnʼt_ a party,I said.

― Or do other things?she asked, and I laughed.

― Maybe.Then I rubbed her messy mop of hair and gave her a parting kiss. ― Okay,I said. ― Sleep well. Try not to hate me too much in the morning.

― No promises,she grumbled. ― Iʼm cold.

I tucked the quilt up to her chin. ― Youʼll manage,I said.

It was far too frigid for a night in late Medough.

I rubbed my goosebumped arms as I walked back to my dorm, shivering as I went. One thing in the chill airʼs benefit, it kept me awake and moving. I otherwise felt about ready to fall over.

I thought back on our scandalous encounter.

It hadnʼt been my first time being… intimate with someone, but it was my first time where clothes were not involved, my first time really having my body _explored_ ; certainly, it was my first time giving another girl a blowjob. I could still sort‑of taste her in the back of my mouth—psychosomatic, surely—and the sensation itself wasnʼt pleasant so much as the thought that it was wholly _mine_ , that that experience was _ours_ , that I had taken another person inside of me and now had ownership of the sensation in the form of a flavour on my tongue.

It wasnʼt afterglow in the technical sense, but it sure as all heck beat the hornt sexual frustration which had characterized the past month. I wasnʼt sure about Hilda at all—I knew, come tomorrow, me might again be nemeses—but I now had one good experience with her in my pocket, to keep for my own.

When I finally made it to my room, the digital clock on my desk read shortly after 2:00 in the morning. I had tried to be quiet and for a moment thought I had been successful. But then Ganondorf rolled over to face me.

― Youʼre back late,he sleepily said.

I grunted and stepped behind my wardrobe to change into some flannels. After however many hours of naked bliss, my dayclothes had felt weird and uncomfortable and it was a relief to strip them off for something more relaxed against my body.

― …So how did it go?Ganondorf asked.

― Fucking bloody hell of demons and blin,I replied, staring up at my mattress and completely not answering his question. ― I forgot about the _bloody loft_. Move over, Iʼm sleeping with you.

― I think you can make it up to your own bed,he replied, and I groaned.

― Yeah.I begrudgingly climbed up, my headache protesting from the exertion and change in altitude. ― Thatʼs probably a good idea; I prolly smell like alcohol and sex.

― …So it went well, then?he asked, again.

I sighed, flopping finally against my mattress, and rolling around in a horribly inefficient manner until I somehow landed under the covers. ― I donʼt know. I had a nice evening, but then it turned out Jules was super straight _and_ already taken, so then I met her boyfriendʼs roommate, and it turns out that she hates me, except then we had sex anyway, and,I sighed again. ― The sex was really good. So, like, I donʼt know. Iʼll figure it out in the morning.

― In the morning, then,Ganondorf said.

My bed was cold. Ganondorfʼs breathing didnʼt sound anything like Hildaʼs. I fell asleep staring at my phone, half‑wishing she would text me, begging me to return to her until morning.

The screen remained black as night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🚨🚨 PSA 🚨🚨 donʼt have drunk sex with strangers itʼs a bad idea 💫.
> 
> This episode is brought to you by the letter V, and good olʼ Lyndæ, who just canʼt seem to pronounce it properly. While he doesnʼt actually use “goro” in the in‑game dialogue, I like to think that all Gorons have a tendency to when speaking casually among friends. Plus, I just like the way it sounds, goro.
> 
> Jules probably doesnʼt deserve the negative characterization I give her in this fic, but she is the most expendable young tourist in Gerudo Town. And like, who goes around to ladies on the street and says “……are you actually a BOY?!”—I mean wtf Jules. I take it back, she absolutely deserves it.
> 
> Very briefly, I considered replacing her with (fucking) Lana from Hyrule Warriors, but then I would have to explain what the fuck Lana was doing in an Intermediate Gerudo class. (Also, speaking as a lesbian, Jules is way cuter.)
> 
> Yes, in this fic the Yiga are all fratboys. Iʼm not sorry.
> 
> Comments disparaging trans people will be deleted with great prejudice.


	4. Fall Field Day

Nabrusday, 23 Medough

If there was any part of me which had hoped that my headache would lessen during my time of repose, it was to be profoundly disappointed. I woke feeling like my skull was about to split open and spill all my brains out on the floor. Actually, I woke feeling like it would be quite the relief if it would. I groaned.

― Morning,Ganondorf said, glancing up from his computer. He looked to the clock. ― Barely,he amended.

― Bleh,I replied, burying my head under a pillow. ― I think I figured out what a hangover feels like.

― You know I canʼt hear you when your face is covered like that.

― Mlarbleghl,I said. If he wasnʼt going to understand me anyway, there was no sense making words.

He sighed and rose from his seat, walking over and gently removing the pillow from my face. I scowled at him.

― You need to get up,he said, ― and eat something. Drink some fluids.

I protested as loudly as I could without making my headache worse, but I knew it was inevitable. Muttering nonsense curses, I sat up, at the very least.

It was then I realized that I _really_ had to pee.

― Gotta go toilet,I said, practically falling out of bed. By some stroke of magic, I landed on my feet.

I grabbed a T‑shirt and soaps and jeans before departing the room. Might as well shower while I was at it. My time under the hot water was a good opportunity for piecing together my memories of the night before.

That all really happened, huh.

When I returned to the room, Ganondorf was gone. I pulled a Mt. Lanayru from the minifridge, then checked my phone. No notifications. I wondered if Hilda was feeling it this morning as well.

I slumped in my chair and chugged a few gulps of sugary soda. Ganondorf returned holding a glass of something, and he about dropped it when he saw me. ― Really?he said, exasperatedly. ― When I said “drink fluids”, I meant, like, _water_.

I burped by way of response.

― Anyway,he said, ― you were seeming particularly stubborn this morning, so I took the liberty of going down to the dining hall and grabbing you a muffin and smoothie before it closes.He set the contraband on my desk. ― Drink that, instead.

― Really?I asked. That was… oddly generous of him. I wondered if there was a catch. I took a cautious sip of the breakfast concoction, and it was _delicious_. Or I was just starving. My stomach growled dangerously. ― Thanks.

― Donʼt mention it,he said. ― We need you in fighting shape for the field day today.

I nearly spit the smoothie right back out at him. Thankfully, I didnʼt, because it would have been a terrible waste. ― Youʼre joking,I told him.

― Iʼm not; weʼll need you there if weʼre going to put out a good showing.The field day: There had been posters up in the hallway advertising it for about a week. Nominally, all of the sections were to compete, but since there wasnʼt really a prize, I had just assumed I would sit it out. Maybe stop by a booth for popcorn as I watched my hallmates make fools of themselves.

Now I would just as soon not even show up at all. ― Ganondorf!I protested. ― Iʼm hungover!I took another sip. ― Farore, this smoothie is really good.

― Hungover or no,Ganondorf said, ― I think you owe it to yourself to at least try. This is your big chance to assert your place in the section.

I scoffed. ― Like I give a fuck about that.

― You know what theyʼll say if you donʼt show up,he reminded me. ― “Oh, that Zelda, sheʼs so weak, she just canʼt compete with the boys—”

― —Oh my Goddess Hylia can we _please_ leave gender out of this?

― _I_ can,he said. ― _You_ can. A hall full of college boys?

Weʼd lived together for three weeks and Ganondorf had already figured out I was a creature motivated by spite.

― Okay, fuck them,I said, greedily biting into my muffin. ― Iʼll whoop all their arses.

― Iʼm pretty sure theyʼll be _on your team_ ,Ganondorf reminded.

― Doesnʼt matter,I said. ― Iʼll whoop them all. Except you. This muffin is good.

I was also a creature motivated by food.

― So,Ganondorf said, now that that was settled. ― Do you want to talk about last night?

― Uhhh do I have to?I obviously didnʼt, but it felt like I should. ― Food was good. Made a fool of myself, thanks to you, then felt bad about it the entire time even though it didnʼt matter because _Jules is actually straight_. I danced with a boy and I think he was crushing on me but he didnʼt make it awkward so it was alright. Then Jules asked if we wanted to go to a party and my dreams hadnʼt been _horribly crushed_ yet so I said okay.

― So we arrive at this party and Julesʼs boyfriend is there and they immediately take it to Mack City and I Want to Leave but I canʼt without looking rude because we just got there. So instead I just sort of tag along with them while wanting to puke. I challenged Julesʼs boyfriend to beer pong and I wanted to show him up but heʼs a Hunk and Iʼve never played beer pong before in my life so of course I lost.

― Okay,Ganondorf said. ― So far, it sounds like things did not go your way.

― Yeah, well, it only gets worse!I exclaimed. ― Because then I run into Julesʼs boyfriendʼs rommate—her name is Hilda—and it turns out _she_ hates me because sheʼs trans and I got a choice regarding my roommate arrangements and she didnʼt. And, I mean, her roommate is Julesʼs obnoxious boyf, so like, understandable.

― Sheʼs envious?Ganondorf asked.

― Yeah, and like, she thinks Iʼm getting all these progressive brownie points for crossing gender norms, which, I sure as heck havenʼt seen it so I donʼt know if itʼs true or not. But she thinks it is and so then called me a TERF for not including trans women in my politics that I donʼt have.

― Okay, this sounds like a lot to get dropped on you in the middle of a party,Ganondorf said.

― It was!I took another bite of muffin. ― It totally was. So, uh, then we had sex.

― What.

― Yeah, and, Ganondorf, it was like _really good_.In fact, it was the one thing I kept coming back to about the previous night. Yes, I was pissed; yes, I was a horny virgin teenager just craving for release; yes, we were both awkward and inexperienced and high off the novelty of it all—but it was still _really good sex_. Even with my hangover, I was sighing just thinking about it. ― Like, Iʼm not a sex expert or anything but like.I reached around for a metaphor, settling for the one in my hands. ― Better than this muffin.And it was a really good muffin.

― You just told me she _hated_ you,Ganondorf said.

― Right, so, like, who knows if itʼll happen again,I replied, dismissively. I checked my phone another time. ― I gave her my number, though.

I was also a creature motivated by sex.

― …Iʼm still not following,Ganondorf said, still not following. ― What made you think this was a good idea?

― We were both dykes, and available?I said. It didnʼt seem that complicated to me. ― I donʼt know, itʼs not like I really thought it out; I was drunk.

― You do realize that that is _literally_ the _lowest possible bar_.

― Shut up,I replied. ― I have standards.I sipped my smoothie as I tried to imagine what they might be. I came up with one: ― She was hot, also.

― Oh, because _that_ makes it better,Ganondorf said, his voice laced with irony.

But, I mean, it did.

* * *

So I spent the afternoon absently checking my phone and doing my best to relax. If I _was_ going to be participating in the Field Day festivities, then I sure as heck didnʼt want to strain myself beforehand. I even tried some of that substance Ganondorf had recommended—“water”—and found it to be refreshing but quite bland.

Hilda never texted, and I tried—and mostly failed, seeing as I was just lounging around with nothing at all to distract me—to put it out of my mind.

At 3:45 in the afternoon, we met for a team meeting in the hall.

― Alright, section C,R.A. Pipit said to those of us gathered in attendance. ― The festivities will be starting in just a few minutes, so letʼs go over real quickly what the evening will entail. The first competitive event will be the tug‑of‑war, so make sure you have clothes on that youʼre okay getting grass stains all over. If you donʼt, _change now_.

I refreshed my mental image of what I was wearing by looking down. T‑shirt and jeans. All raring to go.

― That will start at four. There will be frisbee and soccer tournaments after—weʼll have to play those by ear. If we donʼt have enough people to form a team, weʼll have to join up with one of the other sections to compete. Food will be served starting at five. All clear?

― Wait,said one of the boys—who I remembered as Groose; it was hard to forget his pompous coiffure. ― Shouldnʼt she be competing with section D? Seeing as sheʼs a girl.And I, naturally, looked around for whichever poor lass he might be referring to, before remembering that I was the only girl present and of course he was referring to me.

― Sheʼs a part of our section,Pipit said, ― although, Zelda, if you want to, Iʼm sure Karane wouldnʼt mind…

― Iʼm fine right here, thanks,I said simply, and a number of the boys groaned.

― Youʼre gonna put us at a disadvantage,Groose whined, particularly expressive among them.

― Sorry, what?I asked. ― Itʼs a tug‑of‑war, the only thing which matters is bodies.

― Yeah, but, like, what if we fall on you? I donʼt wanna get in trouble for accidentally hurting some girl.

― Then donʼt fall,Ganondorf said, and that was that.

― Zeldaʼs right, more bodies is better, end of discussion,Pipit said. ― Now letʼs go; weʼll be starting any minute.

And we trucked out.

The tug‑of‑war tournament was a simple‑elimination bracket against all the boysʼ sections in the dorms, a parallel competition happening to our right with the girls. Resident Assistants from those teams not competing presided over. Our first matchup was with section A from downstairs, and we eked out a victory from the snatches of defeat. ― See,I shouted at Groose, ― be glad you have me.

― Yeah, yeah,he said. And we kept right on winning.

A strange camaraderie built in the air, almost palpable, as we celebrated each narrow win and our hands burned and people _did_ fall on me and I was fine, actually, thank you very much. In retrospect, I supposed this was rather the point of the whole affair. Groose stopped giving me shit and Fledge, the unfortunate scrawny boy who was positioned right behind me (whose name I felt obligated to remember after landing on him for the half‑dozenth time), gave me a supportive clasp on the shoulder after every match despite me persistently knocking out his air. We lost in the finals to a group from the other side of campus, to whom we were simply outmatched (by which I mean outnumbered—it was as if their entire hall had chosen to show up). We commiserated about second place and we all shook hands.

The exertion had left me hungry, and I could smell the food being set out on tables. I had done my part; Groose and the other boys seemed adequately mollified, and Ganondorf had gotten as close to a victory as seemed possible under the circumstances. I heard him talking about getting a frisbee group together, which, I didnʼt know the rules to frisbee, so there was no way he was talking me into helping there. I was all ready to consider the event a success, and spend the remainder of the evening downing calories and relaxing on the lawn.

― Hey, Zelda,Pipit called, diverting me from my plans. ― Do you play soccer? We need one more person to make a team.

I surveyed the group warily, my stomach protesting against this suggested change in plan. ― Wouldnʼt you rather ask one of the boys?I inquired, directed mainly at Groose, who was among the group.

― We _did_ ,he said, in a tone of voice like that should be obvious. ― But they all wanted to do frisbee with Ganondorf.Glancing over at my roommate, I couldnʼt exactly blame them: He was tall, athletic, and wielded the disc like it was an extension of his arm. Iʼd say his team had a fair chance at winning.

Unlike this sorry group.

― Cʼmon, _please_ , Zelda,Groose begged. ― I really donʼt want to have to go ask section A.

If he hadnʼt gotten down on his knees I wouldnʼtʼve. But, well, he did look _particularly_ pathetic. And I was a creature motivated by prostration.

― I played goalie in high school,I told him. ― If you give me that, Iʼm yours.

A part of me hoped we would lose quickly, so that I could finally have dinner. But, at the same time, I only ever played to win.

* * *

In the afternoon excitement, I had quite forgotten about Hilda. Forgotten, that is, until she appeared as a player on the opposing team. I hadnʼt noticed her during the tug‑of‑war—her section must have lost early. But she was there now, and she looked determined—doubly so when she saw me guarding the goal.

Nemeses once again, then.

The match was fairly casual, but we played hard, and with Pipit and Groose leading the way, we quickly overtook the other team. Hilda played hard, too, but here teammates werenʼt quite there—I wondered where her hunk of a roommate was, before realizing that he was probably off challenging Ganondorf at frisbee. Of course he was. I hoped Ganondorf handed his arse back to him.

Because she was so hard at work stripping the ball—and her teammates were selfish misers who never passed—Hilda was rarely down at my end of the field, which certainly made my job as goalie easier. The first half of the game expired without them scoring a point. I felt pretty good about that fact, and my teammates seemed dutifully impressed.

Still, I kept trying to catch Hildaʼs eye, hoping for some silent signal of where we stood—enemies? friends? lovers? It never left the ball, and whether that was because she was _that_ focused on the game or because she was intentionally blowing me off was anyoneʼs guess. She was as grubby and sweaty as the rest of us, her hair tied back for once, face flushed with exertion, and the result was a sporty look I hadnʼt expected her capable of pulling off. She did so with aplomb.

So, telepathic communication wasnʼt entirely the _only_ reason I wanted her proximate to me.

It finally happened, right there in the beginning of the second half. Hilda had just received a rare pass of the ball, and she was wide open (it had caught my teammates just as much by surprise) and charging straight for me. She sent the ball flying towards my upper‑right with a kick…

…My fingers finding just enough purchase to catch the ball and bat it away. Her eyes glared daggers, and I stuck my tongue out at her, passing the ball off to my teammates. Sheʼd have to try harder than _that_ to score on me. With all her haughtiness, it felt _good_ to best her in a one‑on‑one. In celebration, I watched her cute butt as she turned and jogged away.

This was _fun_.

― Yeah, Zelda!Groose shouted. ― Show them how a _real_ woman does it!

I saw Hilda flush red—and stumble—as she attempted a manœuvre against Pipit. And I (finally!) understood what she had been trying to tell me all along.

This was no longer fun.

It was true that I was a misfit, as a cis girl living in a boysʼ wing. And nobody was doing me any favours there. I wasnʼt getting any trophies for breaking down gender barriers; nobody was recognizing me as Progressive of the Year. Iʼd had to fight all day just to be here.

But, even despite that, it was not impossible for me to find acceptance and belonging, as a floormate, teammate, goalkeeper. Even Groose, who had initially been so hostile, was now singing my praises, puffing his chest out as I made my plays. ― Thatʼs our Zelda,he would say. _Our_. One of us. I _could_ be one of the bros.

But what was the cost of that belonging? _Our_. Owned. In belonging to/with these men, I was turning away from other women—and women like Hilda in particular. I was a dyke and here I was playing D for a bunch of boys, for Hyliaʼs sake! I shouldnʼt have been there—I should have just gone over to section D, or gone for dinner instead of acquiescing and playing goalie, or just not fucking showed up at all, and honestly fuck them and fuck Ganondorf for making me care so much about what a group of college first‑year men thought of me.

We won the match, despite me mostly giving up on my role as goalie―Hildaʼs team really wasnʼt any good―but I was done playing this game. ― What gives, Zel?Groose asked me, and like _fuck_ was I okay with him calling me by that name, but I was too tired at the moment to call him out about it. ― You really fell apart there in that second half.

― You were right,I told him bluntly. ― I canʼt keep up with you guys. Iʼm going to go get dinner; youʼll have to find someone else.

And he whined and complained and threw a big fit but I was _so_ beyond caring. I jogged over to try to catch up with Hilda.

― Hey—I began.

― Fuck off,she told me. ― I didnʼt need your _charity_.

Charity? I realized she must have noticed that I was going easy on her—which hadnʼt been my intention at all, and Hylia, could I make this any worse? ― Hilda, I didnʼt stop goalieing out of some charity to _you_ ,I tried to explain. Even given the circumstances, I couldnʼt help rubbing it in her face a little. ― Like, are you kidding me? I _loved_ showing you up. But I was fed up with those boys. Iʼm really—

― I donʼt want to hear it!she interrupted, and the look in her eyes was more than enough to make me swallow my words (and tongue). ― I said fuck off; I donʼt want to deal with you right now.

And so I left, feeling very firmly put in my place. I grabbed dinner, my appetitle all but vanished, and I nibbled slowly while watching Ganondorf chasing flying discs in the evening light.

They looked good— _he_ looked good—but I couldnʼt really bring myself to care.

I checked my phone. Still nothing, of course.

I wished Iʼd asked Hilda for _her_ number instead, such that I could tell her that I was sorry.

* * *

The sun had nearly set by the time Ganondorf joined me, as I sat now stiff and cold in the grass. ― Second place again,he sighed. ― Seems to be the theme for today. How were things with you?

― Peachy,I replied, in a tone which made clear they were anything but.

He seemed to pick up on the hint that I needed to let off some air, even if I _was_ being stubborn and reticent about it. ― …Did something happen?he asked.

― I saw Hilda,I said simply. ― Also Iʼm angry at you.

He looked around, as though a more thorough explanation was sitting on a sign somewhere. The area around us was devoid of signs, life, and happiness—just grass and the empty breeze. ― …For getting second place?he ventured.

― For this whole cursèd evening,I spat. But some part of me realized I wasnʼt being entirely fair, so I continued. ― I joined the soccer team because Groose begged me too, and our first match was against Hildaʼs floor. Then he made a shitty comment about her being trans, and it just… felt really bad. I felt bad sharing a team with someone like that. But then I think I insulted her trying to apologize and Iʼm worried she might hate me even more now.

― Youʼre not the one who made the remark,Ganondorf said; ― Groose is. Why should you feel bad for something someone else said? Itʼs hardly your fault.

― Ugh, youʼre just…Why did I expect a cis dude to understand? I tried to figure out how to explain. ― Itʼs not about fucking _fault_ , alright? This isnʼt about _blame_. I was just… I was lending my strength to a bunch of shitheads because _you_ asked me to, and then I got called out on it and now I…I picked at the grass. ― …Iʼm really questioning where I belong.

― Okay.Ganondorf sat down beside me. ― Be honest with me here: Do you really think section D or anywhere else would have been better, though? Would a girlsʼ wing have been any more accepting, or would they have gone and done the same exact thing?

I thought about that one for a good long time.

Eventually, I gave up and sighed. ― Thatʼs different,I said. ― If I had been with section D—well, we wouldnʼt have gone up against Hilda in the first place, but—I could have opposed it somehow, like, hey, not all cis women are like that.I flopped onto my back. ― That sounds so pathetic when I put it like that, though.

― If you had been with section D,Ganondorf reminded me, ― Hilda wouldnʼt have been able to go up against another woman. It would have been just men on the other team.

― If _Hilda_ had been in section D, then everyone would have been happy.I sighed. ― But I suppose I canʼt change that.

― I donʼt suppose you can change a lot of things,Ganondorf replied, and I laughed at the incredibly _obvious_ remark. ― I donʼt think itʼs fair of you to hold yourself accountable for everything anyone in your section does wrong, though.

― Ganondorf…I said. ― Sheʼs my friend.I realized that this was a bit of a stretch. ― Well, Iʼd like her to be,I amended. ― And I just feel like I disappointed her, and it hurts. Thatʼs all.

Ganondorf didnʼt reply to that, which was good, because I was exhausted from talking about it and trying to figure it out. I laid back in the grass and decided to change the subject. ― Did you play Link?I asked.

Ganondorf frowned. ― Link?he queried.

― Oh, uh, Hildaʼs roommate:— tall, muscular, obnoxiously handsome, blonde…I realized I could just bring up his picture in the campus directory. I pulled out my phone and typed a few quick strokes. ― Here.

― Oh, yeah,Ganondorf said, barely even looking at the picture before handing the device back to me. ― We _thrashed_ them.

I smiled. ― Good,I said, putting my phone back away. ― …I guess that means you can be forgiven.

The sound of kernels popping in the distance roused my attention. I looked down at my plate, reminded that I still hadnʼt eaten much. ― …Do you want to go for popcorn?I asked.

He rose. ― Iʼll grab us some bags,he said. ― Oh, and—while you were showing me that photo,he told me, ― I noticed you got a text.

It was from an unknown number, and consisted of only a single character: a middle finger emoji. The noise I made was somewhere between a groan and a laugh.

_plz tell me this is hilda and some random stranger isnt flipping me off_ I replied.

_i don't know, they might be_ came the response.  
_but yes, this is hilda_

_i am SO sorry_ I said.

_i told you_  
_i don't want to hear it_  
_i just got back to my room and realized i'd never texted_  
_so now you have my number_

_r u mad @ me?_ I asked. Not that the middle finger was subtle, but I didnʼt know what else to say.

_i'm mad that you WON_ she replied.  
_i'm mad that in the one area where i thought i might have an advantage over the beautiful, cis, Hylian dame, she still managed to block me_  
_i'm mad that even after you stopped trying, i still couldn't pull out a win_  
_but no_  
_i wouldn't say i'm particularly mad at YOU, as a Person_

I smiled as I read the word _beautiful_ , sighing in relief at the rest of it.  
_4 wot its worth_ I typed, trying to return the compliment,  
_u lookt pretty good out there_

_yeah i mean_  
_i was trying not to get distracted but_  
_likewise ig_

And the thought of Hilda running around trying not to be _distracted_ by me in the goalie box made me blush furiously.  
_wait is THAT y u wouldnt look @ me?!_

_unlike you, i was playing FOOTBALL_ she texted.  
_i had to keep my eye on the ball_

_i thot 4 sure u h8d me_ I messaged back. I felt my shoulders sag. It seemed to generous to say that this had all been a big misunderstanding, but… it wasnʼt nearly as bad as I had believed. Perhaps some part of the evening might still be salvageable in my memories as “fun”.

_zelda_ Hilda replied.  
_i get misgendered, like,_  
_every day_  
_it was upsetting but like??_  
_i'm over it??_  
_i mostly just didn't want to deal with your cis guilt is all_

_oh_ I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Now that my anxiety had lifted, I was actually able to appreciate the night air, soft bustle of students milling about, noise of early autumn insects. The lawn smelled freshly mowed. _ya its prolly best u sent me away then_  
_its kinda been Cis Guilt hour ovr here_

_omh i do Not want to know_

I smiled and set down my phone. Ganondorf returned with two paper bags, and he passed one to me, filled to the brim with piping popped kernels. As I took the bag, he leaned in for a closer look at me.

― …Zelda, are you _crying_?he asked.

I brought a hand up to wipe my eyes. It came back damp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things I learned writing this chapter: I love writing Cis Guilt.
> 
> I originally planned for this episode to be more lighthearted after the emotional rollercoaster that was the previous one, but it turns out that actually having a field day never ends up quite as nicely as it sounds.
> 
> At least it ended sweetly, right?


	5. Blood Moon Festival

Rutesday, 05 Dimnber

Hilda and I kept in touch after that. At first I was cautious—because I didnʼt want to upset her, and because I wrongly assumed that she might be sensitive just because she was trans. This turned out to upset her most of all:  
_you don't have to tiptoe around me just because i'm not cis_ she wrote me.  
_i'm not some fragile princess in need of protection_

_no? a strong burly princess then?_ I texted back.

_hell yeah_ she typed.  
_that's the way i roll_

We kept in touch, but we werenʼt exactly friends. In fact, we needled each other incessantly. Now, this wasnʼt to say I didnʼt care for her dearly—but lighthearted jousting was the only way we could stay in touch without having to talk about our days, or how we were feeling, or how we felt for each other, or how much we wanted to fuck, or how _anxious_ we were about fucking, or how anxious we were about the sex weʼd already had. For the most part, we pretended like it had never happened, and we were just two girls who knew each other because I used to have a crush on her roommateʼs girlfriend, and who had bonded over our now‑mutual distaste for them both.

Which wasnʼt to say there wasnʼt flirting. Oh, there was flirting. And blatant sexual innuendo.  
_oh goddess, i <3 this weather weve been having_ I would write.  
_u can just Feel th brisk dimn weather round th corner n i cant Wait 4 it 2 get here 🍂_

_dimnber isn't the ONLY one i can't wait for to come 💦⌚️🙄_ Hilda would reply.

You know, as one does.

Of the two of us, Dimnber did come first, although naturally this ambiguity and unresolved sexual tension could only proceed for so long. And so, on the morning of the Blood Moon, it happened that I found Hilda sitting alone in the student union building when I went to check my mail.

― Oh hey, gorgeous,I said, striding up to her, and she replied with the requisite sticking out of her tongue. There was a time when I could get a blush out of her with something like that—but she had grown rather impervious to my compliments these past few days. ― What are you doing here all by your lonesome?

― I might ask the same of you,she replied. ― Donʼt damsels usually require an escort?

This gibe had begun as a jab at my pedigree, but at this point my response had become so rote that she could only have been setting me up. I laughed. ― Unfortunately,I said, ― my preferred escort is a haughty princess, and she has a habit of leaving me all alone.

Success: I managed to spy a faint tinge of pink. Nevertheless, she played it cool. ― Mm,she remarked with exaggerated nonchalance. ― Canʼt imagine what that must be like.

Not _that_ again: She still hadnʼt forgiven me for up and leaving in the middle of the night after our dalliance on the equinox. I groaned and rolled my eyes at her. ― Enough distraction,I said. ― What are you doing here?

― Escaping,she replied. ― Letʼs just say my room is currently being… occupied.

It was my turn to make a face of revulsion. ― Ew,I said. ― Gross. Iʼm so glad Ganondorf doesnʼt ever bring anyone around like that.

― Mhmm.Hilda was generally… unimpressed? perturbed? jealous? of the ease with which Ganondorf and I seemed to get along, although I reminded myself that she still hadnʼt properly _met_ him. ― Iʼm sure he thinks the same of you,she remarked. Or, perhaps she was just noting my hypocrisy.

― Are you saying I _shouldnʼt_ ,I said, halfway a threat, ― have girls over to my room for lovemaking?

― I donʼt know,Hilda replied, her tone equally unsubstantiated. ― I might get jealous.We were both quite aware of how painfully single we both were.

― In that case,I said, pulling out my phone and pretending to dial a number, ― Iʼll hit up one of my girlfriends right now.

She laughed and waited expectantly, a smirk on her face, entirely calling my bluff.

Hylia, I wanted to jump her bones so bad.

― So, youʼre just sitting here all on your own, then?I asked, returning my phone to my pocket.

― It couldnʼt be that you have devised a _better_ way to spend my time,she replied.

― Well…I fake‑pondered. It was clear what we were both thinking, but I wasnʼt _quite_ ready to go there just yet. _One_ casual fucking was fine, but _two_ was edging dangerously close to relationship‑territory. Not that I was _opposed_ to entering into relationship‑territory with Hilda. ― You could… come with me to the Blood Moon Festival tonight? We could help each other get ready, try on costumes…

My suggestion was an immediate flop. ― Ugh,Hilda said. ― Pass. Thatʼs what Link and Jules are doing right now—ostensibly—and it was bad enough just watching _them_ prattle on about their fiendish costumes and how much they want to fuck. I donʼt need that from you, too.

My face fell, and it must have been obvious because Hilda gave me an obstinate look, to which I rolled my eyes. ― Hilda, I said softly. _I was trying to ask you out._ ― Does it bother you when I prattle on about fiendish costumes and how much I want to fuck you?

She tossed her hair over her shoulder. ― You could stand to prattle on about it a bit more, actually,she told me. ― Just not in conjunction with an event worshipping the Goddess Hylia.

I blinked. ― Thatʼs… not really what the Blood Moon Festival represents—

― Iʼm not a Hylian, I donʼt care,Hilda intoned. She sighed. ― Look, if you want to spend the night with me, Link will be gone, we could… yʼknow. Maybe even go for a nice dinner? But Iʼm not going to some festival for a religion I donʼt even believe in.

Well, damn. Now _I_ was the one being asked out, and having to turn the other person down. ― …Sorry,I said. ― Blood Moon Festival is like… my favourite holiday. Ever since I was little. I make a really cute puppet?

― Send pictures,Hilda replied, and I nodded.

― Roger that. Dinner date some other time?Now that it was on a table, I wasnʼt about to let that one drop.

Hilda groaned. ― Do we have to call it a _date_?she whined softly.

― Whatʼs wrong with _date_?I asked. _Yes, we have to call it a date; Iʼm trying to date you, you fuck._ ― What else would you call it?

― Just dinner?she suggested. ― If you call it a _date_ , then that means weʼre… yʼknow…

I nodded very deliberately. I knew. ― Is that a problem?I asked. ― Or are you too busy enjoying the single life?

― Oh yeah,she said, rolling her eyes. ― You know me, getting all the action, ainʼt no woman gonna hold me down.

I leaned in closely, placing my hands on her thighs, applying slight pressure to keep her rooted in her chair. ― You sure about that?I asked. ― I seem to recall being pretty good at it.

And one could watch her face go from biting her lip, to mouthing _fuck it_ , to kissing me, hard, and for the first time sober.

I had forgotten how intoxicating she smelled.

Somehow, I ended up in her lap. Somehow, I wound up with my tongue in her mouth and my hands tangled up in her hair. Somehow, I was grinding against her crotch, practically dry‑humping her right there in her chair.

We were still in the middle of the student union building, and we were maybe four pieces of fabric away from being students unioning. ― _Zelda_ ,Hilda hissed, breaking away from my kiss, now fully beet red. ― Canʼt we take this _elsewhere_?

― Hilda,I asked, breathless, looking deep into her eyes. They were beautiful eyes, and I kissed her again. ― Would you please be my girlfriend?

― Well, seeing as the whole fucking school knows now, I guess I might as well,she replied. She was trying to look indifferent, but couldnʼt help smiling.

I nipped at her lower lip. ― My roomʼs free,I said. At the same time I pulled out my phone.  
_ganondorf whereru r u home_

_Iʼm at the library, why?_ came the reply.

_good_  
_STAY THERE_ I rose and lifted Hilda by the hand. Then I led her briskly back to my room, walking closely in front to hide her erection from the world.

* * *

― Mm.I yawned and reached my arms over my head. ― Mmm.I stretched out my legs and pointed my toes. ― Mm _mmm_.I rolled over and buried my face in my pillow.

Sex was _even better_ when you were sober.

Hilda was already down on the ground level, getting dressed. I watched her admiringly, appreciating the cute shape of her butt against her underwear as she bent to step into her jeans.

My vocalizations had not been lost on her. ― Doing alright there, princess?she asked lightly.

― Doing Just Fine, princess,I replied sweetly. And it had gone from a joke to a fully‑fledged pet name by this point.

― Just gonna lie around naked in bed all day?

― And so what if I do?I protested.

― Well, eventually your roommate _is_ going to want to come home,Hilda replied. ― Speaking of, Iʼm opening the window; it smells like sex in here.

― Imagine that,I said, shivering as the cool breeze made its way to my bare backside. ― I like the smell of your sex.

Hilda hopped up and kissed me sweetly. ― And I yours,she replied.

She was still _leaving_. Suddenly, her past bitterness over me doing the same made some amount of sense. Although, in my favour, I had given her plenty of time to come down from her afterglow before I had. ― Do you really have to go?I asked.

― Class,she grimaced, tying her hair back.

― Ugh,I complained. ― I hate class.

Had Hilda always looked this gorgeous?

― You look really, uh, fetching,I mumbled at her.

She looked down at her casual jeans and T‑shirt and laughed. ― Uhm, thanks, I guess,she said.

I closed my eyes and smiled. ― Youʼre welcome,I said. ― Anytime.

Her lips pressed against mine for one final time. ― Okay,Hilda said. ― Gotta go. Iʼm serious about dinner—you free tomorrow?

I squinted my eyes open at her. ― Yes, love,I said. In that moment, I would have agreed to about anything she asked of me.

She pecked my nose. ― You are such a sap,she told me. And then she was off for her next class. I lay in bed for another ten minutes just letting the experience sink in.

I had a _girlfriend_.

Eventually, I mustered the energy to scrounge up my panties and bra—on second though, consigning the former to the laundry hamper and selecting a clean pair. I stretched more fully in the slats of sunlight which filtered through the blinds. Then I texted Ganondorf.

_alrite ur safe 2 come back now_ I sent.

It was a while before he did. In the intervening time I had managed to further dress myself in a T‑shirt and sweats, an outfit not lost on him ― Werenʼt you wearing… something a little nicer before?he asked.

― I was,I replied. ― Then I was wearing nothing, and now Iʼm wearing sweats. Iʼm just going to have to get changed in a bit for the festival anyway.

― Right…he said.

I sighed, figuring he probably deserved the full story. ― Hilda and I are a couple now,I explained, ― and we, uh, coupled a bit while you were out.

― I didnʼt ask.The amount of time I had spent on my phone over the last week had not escaped his attention, and he didnʼt seem particularly surprised by this new development, despite his noted past skepticism towards my relationship with her.

― You should come with me!I said suddenly. ― To the festival, I mean. I know itʼs not something the Gerudo really celebrate, but…

― Iʼll pass,Ganondorf said. ― Dressing up in scary costumes is something I like to save for Halloween.

― Personally I think you canʼt have too many days of dressing up in scary costumes,I remarked. ― And anyway, the themes are totally different—on the Blood Moon you dress up as _demons_ and _monsters_ , and on Halloween you dress up as _ghosts_ and _spirits_. And, like, other stuff.

― …Iʼm pretty sure,Ganondorf said, ― thatʼs a distinction which only exists in Hylian.

― Also on Halloween you throw parties and eat candy, and on the Blood Moon you watch a parade and eat festival food. Itʼs, like,I explained, ― a totally different vibe.

― Be that as it may,Ganondorf said, ― I think one spooky night in Dimnber is enough for me.Internally, I cursed the full moon for coming so late this year—typically it fell in Medough and he wouldnʼtʼve had that excuse. ― Is Hilda going with you?

― No, she bailed, same as you,I complained. ― She did ask me out to dinner tomorrow, though.

That _did_ elicit a note of surprise from Ganondorf, although it was fleeting. ― You twoʼre pretty serious, then?he asked.

― Nayru, I hope so,I replied with a loverʼs sigh. ― I really, really like her. I mean, we donʼt _really_ know each other that well yet and we mostly just get on each otherʼs nerves—Ganondorf raised an eyebrow at me, ― —but sheʼs really, really hot and good in bed and she knows how to be sweet and when she is itʼs just, ah,I tapped a fist to my chest, right over my heart, ― right here. You know? You donʼt know.

― I have absolutely no idea,Ganondorf said, ― but Iʼm glad youʼre happy.He busied himself with his laptop then and, with my evening plans rejected and no further developments in my love life to inform him about, the conversation ended there.

― Mm, yes,I said, more to myself than anyone. ― Happy. I think that _is_ how I would describe my present emotion.

Honestly, it was kind of nice.

* * *

The festival began, as was traditional, with a parade. Campus aside, Horsebridge was not an especially large city, and the blocks covered by the route numbered in the few handfuls downtown. I was in puppet getup, arcane markings painted across my face and arms, a rickety wooden necklace hanging around my neck, yarn dangling from my wrists and elbows and shoulders, a cape of leaf camouflage down my back. In my left hand I carried an old‑fashioned‑style LED lantern; it cast an eerie, dim yellow glow. In one arm I held a bag of kettle corn, which I had purchased to help me bide the time as the floats and marchers passed by.

The night was chilly, and a fell wind blew. In the distance, a horn trumpeted, long and sorrowful. Another answered its call. Above, the full moon shone brightly, big and red near the horizon, the surrounding sky clear and riddled with stars.

A pair of bokoblins marched down the street, carrying lanterns and a banner decorated with skulls. The first band began to play, all percussion and woodwind and ocarina, but for a single trumpeter leading them in their dirge. I peered through the night in an attempt to catch a glimpse, but they were still too far down.

Before us, instead, were dancers.

They came in all shapes and sizes:— blin, stal, lynel. (I did not envy the back half of the lynels, marching the entire parade in a hunch.) Along the edges of the road, people in oversized sacks hopped along, representing chus; I smiled at them. They stuck out their tongues and made grotesque faces as they passed.

Street vendors walked along, pulling wagoned carts in masks, some of them selling masks themselves, others swords or claws or other frightening gimmicks. With the night only a few weeks away, a few were trying to make an early sale on Halloween costumes; I frowned at this mixing of traditions. Others, of course, sold food, and I may have sprung for the obligatory fried dough.

The first band came and went. They were dressed as stal to a member, glow‑in‑the‑dark bones marching eerily through the night.

The next act actually included faces I recognized: It was put on by the universityʼs Fencing Club, and I saw both Link and Impa in attendance. Obnoxiously, Link was playing the role of a Hero, although when I saw him darting forward and spinning in step to the music, I had to admit he had talent.

Thank the goddesses we lived in an era where the Royal Family no longer depended on men like _him_ to save them.

And then came the jugglers: as Deku and Skull Kids, my kin from the Lost Woods, glow‑in‑the‑dark sticks twirling gracefully through the night. The second band: accordion, this time, and tall wooden poles, spun around and clashed against each other and the street and played with sticks, a pair of xylophones bringing up the rear.

I had played marching xylophone in high school. I did not envy them either.

A float: of a large and ancient, glowing machine. Bokoblins on horses, followed by shorter bokoblins on foot to pick up droppings. Panflutes and triangles. And so the parade went on.

It was still as spooky as I had remembered, but there was something diminishing in the fact that I was, for the first time, viewing it alone. How odd that here I was, a monster in a crowd of monsters, surrounded on all sides by people I didnʼt know—and some manner of spooky magic was _suspended_ , for want of a familiar face to share in it with. For want of Hilda, and the way just holding her hand made my heart race. For want of Ganondorf, and the way his relaxed stability made it safe for me to feel afraid.

I purchased a hot chocolate, and promptly burned my mouth with it. Ah, festivals.

The parade came to a close, the horns blaring one final time. All along the walk, strung lights lit up as the people began to get up and mill about.

It had been, of course, only the first part of the nightʼs activities. Now, all along the street, every manner of stall, game, and performer kicked into action, the lot of them masked or dressed up as some fell demon recently risen from the earth. A few stores which were positioned along the festival path lit their windows for a special late night of spooky operation. To my right, a pair of glowing bubbles chatted idly about the lack of clouds.

The denizens of Demise had emerged from their dungeons, and they had wallets thick with rupees.

There was a part of me which considered just going home. Milling about the stalls was fun as part of a group, but there wasnʼt much pleasure in being peddled to alone. And, I had already spent most of my festival budget on snacks, so it wasnʼt as though I had my eye on catching any special Blood Moon deals.

Then I spotted Impa and Link walking down the street, checking out the stalls themselves, and I figured, well, hey, might as well say hi.

* * *

— Hello, Impa,I called as I drew close. They turned from the stall to greet me. ― I saw you in the parade, you looked excellent!I turned to their companion, somewhat more brusquely. ― Link.

― You two know each other already?Impa asked, glancing between us.

― Oh, I crushed her in beer pong at a party a while back,Link bragged.

― Iʼm dating his roommate,I added, somewhat more sensibly. From the look of surprise on his face, it was the first Link had heard of this information.

― Alright,Impa said, eyeing the both of us warily. ― Well, I suppose that saves me having to make introductions, at least.

As I had learned through my interactions with them in Comparative Mythologies, Impa could be a… rather forceful character at times, and very direct in their demeanor. They did not think highly of Hylian traditions or mythologies, to say the least, and were not the least bit hesitant to voice their disdain. But they also did not seem the type to hold grudges, and here, surrounded by demons and monsters, they seemed entirely pleasant and at ease.

I reminded myself that the Blood Moon Festival was a Sheikah tradition as well.

As point of fact, most Hylian holidays and traditions were Sheikah in origin, borrowed by the first Hylian settlers when they came to this land. And there was a bit of pride in Impa's step as we walked around, even as Hylians surrounded us on all sides, as if to say: Look at this majesty. All this, is our invention. All this, belongs to me.

That pride would no doubt turn to frustration by the time we held our next class.

Jules showed up a moment after (which I should have expected, but didnʼt), and considering how introductions were lacking, I could only assume that Impa had made her acquaintance before. ― You looked _so_ good out there, Link,she said, completely ignoring Impa and me (which I did not mind at all). ― _So_ strong.They kissed. I tried not to gag.

― Fair weather tonight,I said to Impa, in an attempt to distract myself from the snogging going on behind us.

― Mm,they concurred.

We browsed the shops and stalls, not buying anything but taking pleasure in each otherʼs company. I quickly discovered Impa had a thing for earrings, as they oohed and aahed whenever we came upon a vendor which carried them, appreciating especially the more ornate designs.

― Itʼs getting late,Jules said, after weʼd walked away from one such stall. She had a thing for earrings, too, not that I cared to know that information. ― I think Iʼm gonna head back to campus.

― Yeah,Link yawned. ― Itʼs a school night, so.The couple departed, I breathed a sigh of relief, and we two were left alone.

― Well, Iʼm still up to browse a little while longer, if you are,Impa said, and I nodded. They complimented my costume, and I complimented their hair. When silence fell between us, it was comfortable and easy, and I had to admit that for as completely and wholly unromantic a date as this was, Impa made for a good partner.

I did still wish my _actual_ partner was there with me, though.

She texted, not long after.  
_just heard from Link_ she wrote  
_not to expect him home tonight_

I snorted.  
_hylia above_ I sent back.  
_i just SAW them_

_gross :x_  
_anyway point is_  
_we'll have the room to ourselves if you decide you want to spend some time alone..._

― Whoʼs that?Impa asked, noticing my distraction.

― Oh,I said, looking up. ― Just Hilda.They gave me a blank look. Evidently the two werenʼt acquainted. ― My girlfriend,I clarified.

Din, I would never get tired of saying that.

― Oh,Impa said simply, acknowledging the information.

― Evidently,I continued, ― Link decided _against_ heading home.

They snorted as well. ― School night, indeed.

― Hold on,I said as we came to a streetlamp. ― I did promise Iʼd send pictures. Selfie?

They sighed and rolled their eyes. ― Oh, all right,and came to stand next to me.

I snapped the shot and sent it off.  
_hangin out w impa atm_ I typed.  
_missu tho_

_:/_ came the reply.  
_have fun ig_  
_i'd reply in kind but_  
_probably not the best for polite company_

In kind, as in, a selfie?  
_its not like theyr reading ovr my shoulder_ curious what _exactly_ she had in mind. _ur prolly fine_

_lol_  
_ok then_ and Hilda sent me an image of her own.

The first thing I noticed was that her hair was wet—she must have just gotten back from a shower. Her cheeks had a bit of flush to them, and I could see her bed fuzzily in the background, purple rabbit plushies and all.

She was naked, of course.

Her pose was not particularly provocative—at first glance. Indeed, her left arm crossed in front of her stomach, her hand shielding the whole of her member from view. But closer inspection revealed the way her hair draped over her shoulder, the slight bend in her back, her chest full of oxygen, and her fingers, curling, pressing upwards delicately against her skin.

Her eyes stared back at me, full of knowing desire. I felt my pulse race and face flush.

― Everything okay?Impa asked. I had stopped dead in my tracks, tucked into a dark corner to admire the image of my lover. I started, and they looked at me quizzically.

― Oh, yes,I said, jogging to catch up. ― Sorry, I was just… distracted.

Tempting as she was, I wasnʼt about to pull a Link and abandon Impa just to go fuck. That said, it wasnʼt like I had plans for _after_.  
_i mite b out l8_ I texted my response.  
_leav th door unlokt?_

_i'll be waiting_ she replied.

By the time I made it to Hildaʼs room, it was indeed late, and she had adorably fallen asleep with her lamp still on. I closed the door as quietly as I could. I had made a detour to my own room beforehand, to shower and change out of my costume (and to notify Ganondorf where I would be spending the night). So I was now again in my sweats, hair also moist.

In the dim light I stripped them off. Then, and more than a little self‑consciously, I did my best to recreate Hildaʼs pose. Hair like so; back curved like so; face tilted, eyes like so; fingers curled—just—so… I snapped the photo, Hildaʼs own drooling face clearly visible in the background. I smiled. Perf.

I sent the picture, immediately getting feedback in the form of Hildaʼs buzzing phone. She stirred, noticing me standing there. ― Mm, hey Zel,she said, groggily. ― …Did you just text me?

― It can wait until morning,I replied, then crawled under the covers to join her. She had never bothered putting her pyjamas on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weʼve all read [that one smutfic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4362317) already, right? I donʼt have to say it? (Saying it: Zelda and Hilda were trapped in paintings in A Link Between Worlds which is why their relationship features a lot of selfies now.)
> 
> In my original notes, Hilda and Zelda were going to have a purely sextual (i.e., non‑physical, non‑romantic) relationship through the æther from this point forward, but as I was writing this chapter I decided to just go ahead and make them full‑on Girlfriends. As youʼll see in the following chapters, this decision did a _lot_ to fill out and add depth to the plot… especially near the end.
> 
> I went back and forth on whether to make Zeldaʼs costume a puppet or a phantom; in the latter rendition, she used a box of shredded wheat as a helmet. But ultimately I decided that the relation of puppets (and certainly, Puppet Zelda) to the Blood Moon was easier to establish.
> 
> For clarity, when I say « bubbles », I mean [these guys](https://zelda.gamepedia.com/Bubble).
> 
> Best as I can tell, at time of writing this fic is presently the lengthiest in the [Princess Hilda/Zelda](https://archiveofourown.org/tags/Princess%20Hilda*s*Zelda/works) tag here on the Archive?! Love these two. Yʼall need to get on this ship more!


	6. Day of Descent

Raursday, 09 Dimnber

Hilda and my relationship only grew more… photographic as the days commenced.

This was partly a product of the weekend (in general): without classes, both of our roommates were Around and we got very little time alone with each other in private places. And part of it was a product of the weekend (in specific), which was to say, Hyliatide. The Hero had worked quickly this year (or, more literally, the demons had come late), so it was only three days before we (Hylians, Sheikah) were all celebrating Hyliaʼs Resurrection and the defeat of Demise. For me, this meant spending the bulk of Katsday in church, leaving Hilda _very_ bored while her roommate did the same. Now, it was the (Hylian‑only) Day of Descent, commemorating our first arrival onto the Surface of what would become Hyrule. It was also, naturally, Raursday.

― I canʼt believe,I said, tugging on my boots, ― that we still have classes on Day of friggen Descent.I wanted nothing more than to spend the day in bed, texting laviscious messages to my girlfriend—or in bed with her, acting them out. Alas, the burdens of being a student.

― We didnʼt get a holiday for the Gerudo Harvest, either,Ganondorf reminded me, throwing his pack over his shoulder. ― I donʼt see why Hylian holidays should get special treatment.

― Oh, you misunderstand,I replied. ― I think they should cancel class on _every_ holiday, regardless of who celebrates it. And also just, like, in general.

― …Why are you even _in_ college?Ganondorf asked, not for the first time. I stuck out my tongue.

― I like _learning_ ,I said. ― Just, on my own time.

By this point, we both knew the real reason I was in college was to get laid.

Day of Descent was one of the most spiritual of the Hylian holidays, but it was also one of the least formal—indeed, that was rather the point. The early Hylians, who had spent their lives high above the clouds, touching down on solid earth for the first time with nothing but the clothes on their backs and some rudimentary supplies—it was hardly the occasion for an expensive ceremony or grand feast. That had all been taken care of yesterday, after all.

So it was jeans and a T‑shirt again for me, and boots. No makeup (I had fallen out of the habit of wearing it anyway). No jewellery.

Breakfast was waffles again, and I even went light on the syrup.

With Comparative Mythologies coming up, I reviewed the material. The first unit of the class had passed already, and in it we discussed early polytheistic mythologies and patron gods and goddesses; the ordering of these by the Gerudo and Sheikah; the resulting creation myth. Then the development of a philosophy of three Forces by the Gerudo and its adoption by the Hylians in the form of the Triforce. The traditions of Hylia and Demise, locked in eternal battle, developed by the Sheikah. And now, presently, the totally fucking out‑there amalgamation of stories and legends which formed the native Hylian concept of the divine Light Force.

― Okay, so let me see if I can get this straight,Ganondorf said. ― The Light Force is passed down in the royal bloodline and represents, along with the Master Sword, the Royal Familyʼs divine nature and right to rule.

― Yes,I replied.

― And this comes from the goddess Hylia, by whose grace the Hylians arrived in Hyrule—which is why you all are called “Hylian” even though worship of Hylia is a Sheikah tradition and there is no record of Hylians doing it before, or indeed immediately after, their arrival.

― Which is complete bullshit,Impa said, sitting down beside us.

― Oh, hey, Impa, nice weekend?I asked.

― More fun than yours, I bet,they replied, no doubt wrinkling their nose at the idea of Hylian church.

― Mm…It was true that Hylian church services were not the most entertaining of affairs. That said, receiving nudes from oneʼs girlfriend had a way of spicing up the sermon. ― I donʼt know…

― Anyway,Ganondorf coughed, trying to get the conversation back on track. ― That all I understand. So explain to me: Who the hell are the Minish?

I sighed. _Nobody even cares about the Minish_ , I thought—but of course, Sahasrahla did. Sahasrahla cared about the Minish. I did my best to explain. ― The Minish, or Picori, are a race of small creatures which descended from the sky and gifted the Hylians with the Light Force and a masterful sword,I said rotely, well aware of the contradictions in my words, ― thus establishing their sacred bloodline and divine right to rule.

― …But I thought the _Hylians_ came from the sky.

― Well, obviously the Picori _followed_ the Hylians,I clarified, ― since Hyrule was already established at this point.

― …And the Royal Family already _had_ the Light Force and Master Sword on account of being descended from the Goddess Hylia herself. We just established this.Ganondorf shook his head.

― Well, generally speaking it is assumed that the Picori didnʼt actually _gift_ the Light Force, they just… revealed it somehow. Before that point nobody actually knew whether it was inherited, or if it had died with the first Zelda,I explained. ― Also, thereʼs no consensus that the Picori Blade actually _was_ the Master Sword—although the latter has a habit of disappearing and ending up in the hands of small forest people, so, it could be.

― …I thought the Picori were _sky_ people,Ganondorf said.

― They lived in mushrooms!

Yes, even I could recognize that there were aspects of the Minish legend which didnʼt really make sense. Impa was watching me trying to explain and _loving_ it. ― In actuality,they finally said. They had opted for a grapefruit and a muffin. ― Most people consider the Minish legend to simply be an earlier version of the Skyward myth, from back before the Hylians (ugh) had stolen the concept of Hylia from the Sheikah and declared themselves to be people‑gods. So in a sense, the Picori of the Minish myth _are_ the Hylians of the Skyward one, only, like, tiny and living in shrooms, instead of obnoxious and declaring war on everybody.

― I donʼt know that _most people_ consider them that,I said. ― The Hylian church clearly teaches that they are separate myths, with the Minish legend coming after. And only _Zelda_ is considered a god‑person. Everyone else is normal.

― Most _scholars_ , then,Impa said. ― And, _Zelda_ , my point.

Okay, I kind of set myself up for that one.

― …So, Vaati is like an early version of Demise, then,Ganondorf said.

― Of _Hylian_ Demise: Yes (although maybe Ghirahim might be more accurate?). And Malledus, and Bellum, and so on. The trope of a Hero rising to defeat a powerful Demon King is the oldest Hylian tradition there is.Impa sighed. ― Once they arrived in Hyrule, the Hylians tried to paste this template onto the Sheikah legend of Hylia and Demise in order to justify their colonialism… even though it _doesnʼt really fit_ , seeing as the Sheikah view Demiseʼs Malice as something everpresent and requiring constant vigilance, and not just something a guy in a pointy hat can hit over the head with a sword. _Which is why we always wind up saving your arses._

I was a little miffed that Impa was playing the expert on _my_ (not their) religion, but at the same time I couldnʼt exactly argue with them. The points _were_ evidenced by the historical record. ― You should probably have just… not,Ganondorf said. ― Saved them, I mean.

― Yeah, well,Impa sighed again. ― Learned that lesson the hard way.

There was not a whole lot I could say in response to that.

* * *

Comparative Mythologies, as might be expected, did not go particularly well.

The subject was indeed the Skyward and Minish legends, and Sahasrahla confirmed Impaʼs claim that the _scholarly_ interpretation of the former was as a revision of an earlier mythos in order to make it more palatable to a Sheikah‑dominated Hyrule. ― The fact that Hylians are not present when the Goddess unites the races in the Ancient Battle against Demise is telling,Sahasrahla said. ― This is a nod to the fact that Hylians are newcomers to both the land and the mythology. By claiming to have been brought to the surface by the Goddess herself, the fledgling Hyrule kingdom was able to claim for itself prestige that it otherwise would not have had. “You have been fighting a long time against darkness,” the early Hylians might have said, “but we have come to deliver you in Hyliaʼs name to the light.” Of course, this promise was more than the Hylians could actually deliver, as evidenced by the fact that the tales of conflict do not simply end there.

Impa snorted. That it was presently the most holy day in the Hylian calendar did not seem to faze them one bit—if anything, it lent them power.

― Why do you always go after _me_?I asked, somewhat indignantly, after one of our inevitable theological spats. I attended church like any Hylian, but as a sexually‑active dyke with a trans lover, I was hardly the _strongest_ adherent to their dogma. ― Iʼm not even that religious!

― Thatʼs _precisely_ why I go after you!they replied. ― “Not being that religous” is the _entirety_ of Hylian religiosity! Letʼs not conduct ourselves with devotion; letʼs not stop to think about whether what weʼre doing is right or wrong; itʼs okay, when everything comes back to bite us in the face, a hero will save us! Your last name is Hyrule, for Hyliaʼs sake; if even _you_ wonʼt stand up for your religion, what good is it to anybody?

And, as always, they had a point.

It wasnʼt that I didnʼt _want_ to be more devout. There were aspects of the Hylian mythos that I found truly meaningful, which spoke to me on a spiritual, human level—but there was also the history of how these concepts had been used:— the wars, the colonialism, the monarchy and church, the racism and homomisia. If I, Zelda Hyrule, could not separate those two things and stand fully with devotion, then perhaps they truly were inseparable. In which case, the world might well be better off without any more Hylians in it.

Needless to say, I left the class period not feeling super great about my ethnoreligious community.

I tried to vent these anxieties to Hilda over text once I got out of class, to no great luck.  
_look, zel_ she wrote me.  
_i love you in *spite* of your being a hylian religious fanatic, not because of it_  
_i'm not sure i can be of much help here_

_!!_ I texted back.  
_u luv me?!_  
_goddesses_  
_ilu 2 hilda!!!!!_

_Oh May The Gods Reach Down And Deliver Me From This Cold Wretched Earth_ Hilda replied, which I knew meant that I had just made her blush.

Texting Hilda may not have been effective at resolving my religious crisis, but that doesnʼt mean it wasnʼt still incredibly cute. ― Here, Ganondorf, I need you to take a picture of me making a heart with my hands,I said, handing him my phone.

He gave the most “Why Me?!” expression I had ever seen, but nevertheless obliged. We were walking back from class and the weather outside was delightful. It gave me a bit of an idea.

― Actually…I said, taking the phone back from him and sending Hilda the snap ― I have another kind of big favour to ask you…

He sighed. ― What is it?

― I have Intermediate Gerudo after lunch, but…I felt my phone buzz as Hilda replied, and I glanced at it long enough to determine that she was _significantly_ less clothed before quickly stashing my phone away. ― After that, do you think I could borrow your car?

― Can you drive stick?he asked.

And, my grand idea immediately collapsed. ― Oh.I most definitely could _not_ drive stick. ― Nevermind, then

He gave me an odd look. ― Itʼs Raursday. Where were you looking to go?

My eyes turned east. ― The mountains.And _that_ certainly did not make his look any less strange. ― Okay, look, so _as you have probably figured out by now_ , itʼs Day of Descent, and a big part of that is like, going out and appreciating nature, right? And Iʼve been feeling kind of down, so I thought, the mountains…

― …You were going to go _hike through the mountains alone_.

― Oh, shove off,I said. He could be weirdly protective at times. ― There are _trails_. Itʼs not like Iʼd be hiking through the uncharted wilderness or anything.

Ganondorf considered this for a minute. ― If itʼs just a hike you want,he said ponderously, ― and not any weird prayers or rituals or anything, Iʼll go with. I like nature.(Of course he fucking did.)

― No weird rituals,I laughed. ― …Those were yesterday.And, I had to admit, once he offered, I was rather glad not to be going alone.

― One condition,Ganondorf amended. ― Okay, two conditions.

― Alright, shoot.

― One, we leave right after your class. I donʼt want to be hiking in the dark, okay?Fair enough; I didnʼt either, and it _was_ like an hour drive. ― Two,he said, ― you buy snacks.

I could live with that. ― Itʼs a deal,I replied, holding out my hand.

* * *

I had never actually been in Ganondorfʼs car before.

I had seen it, of course—I had helped him unload his things from it over a month ago—and this was the reason I knew it existed, an old four‑door sedan. It smelled like smoke—which I presumed was from a previous owner, because I had never seen Ganondorf light a cigarette—and air freshener, which did a decidedly poor job of masking the former. There was no CD player, but there was a cassette‑to‑auxiliary converter in the tape deck, which whirred softly. ― Feel free to put on music if you likeGanondorf said.

― Oh, I wouldnʼt want to embarrass you with my girl pop…I replied.

He looked at me. ― Zelda,he said. ― I grew up with _five sisters_.

Oh. Right. I put on some Kass.

Before we left town, we stopped for fuel. I offered to help pay, but he waved it away. ― So long as you brought snacks,he said.

― Well, I have chips, gummis, and granola bars,I replied, listing off the things in my pack. ― Is there anything else we might be missing?

― Did you pack any water?he asked.

I had packed Mt. Lanayru.

I was sent into the petrol station for bottled water.

And we were underway. The roads were clear of traffic for the most part, probably on account of it being 3PM on a Raursday and our destination being a Royal Park. The sky was clear and the afternoon gorgeous as we drove over hill and past farm on our approach to Mt. Crenel. The musical selection shifted from Kass to Pamela Sharp—a change which Ganondorf approved. ― You know,he said. ― I actually learned how to play this one on piano.

― Oh, Din,I replied, rolling my eyes. ― You _would_ know how to play piano.

― I mean,he clarified, coughing lightly. ― Technically what I was trained on was an electric organ, but…

I groaned. ― _Oh, Din, you _would_ know how to play _fucking organ_._ Hylia above.Where did they even _teach_ that? Certainly not at Ganondorfʼs public high school. And Ganondorf had said his parents werenʼt very religious—come to think of it, I wasnʼt even sure if organs were a _thing_ in Gerudo temples in the first place.

― And _what_ do you mean by that.

I had already opened a Mt. Lanayru, and I took a meaningful swig. ― Youʼre a fucking prep. I mean,I clarified, ― itʼs cool; youʼre super cool. But, like, you also wear polos and chinos, are competitively athletic without being a hunk, “like nature”, and play the fucking organ. And, youʼre an Art History major. Total prep boy.

― You say this,Ganondorf said, ― but of the two of us, _youʼre_ the one who attended an elite preparatory school.

I scoffed. ― Yeah,I said. ― But Iʼm _pretty sure_ thatʼs not even what _preppy_ _means_ anymore.The boys at my school hadnʼt been “preppy” so much as “total fuckboys”. Not that I gave them the time of day if I could help it. Although, perhaps that was _why_.

― Did _you_ play an instrument, then?Ganondorf asked.

― What? Oh, yeah. Rhythm stuff mostly; bass, percussion, you know. I did marching band to get out of having to take P.E.As a kid, my father had tried to get me to learn harp. I found the 4‑string to be much more my speed.

― Were you any good?

― Are you kidding me?I answered. ― I was fucking centre snare.

― “Yes, Ganondorf, I was quite skilled and able to make the centre snare position”,he intoned. His Zelda impression could use a little work.

I stuck my tongue out at him. ― That too,I said.

― Wait, seriously?

― Depends on which year—what! She was hot!I had recently opened a bag of gummi Octoroks, and Ganondorf had rather rudely stolen them away from me.

He greedily severed oneʼs head from its tentacles. ― Seems like a pattern with you,he said.

― Yes, you got me,I replied, feigning exasperation. ― I have a thing for hot women; Iʼm a dyke, weʼve been over this.I stole the gummis back. _Especially_ hot snares. ― Remind me when we get back in cell service to ask Hilda if she plays anything…

― “Oh, Zelda, my head, it just feels so tense… Wonʼt you rattle my snares with your… pataflafla…”

His Hilda impression was a little better—and, alright, I laughed. ― Oh, fuck off,I said. ― Anyway, itʼs not like we ever actually _had sex_ ; the most we ever did was like, make out and masturbate at each other through our clothes.

― You and Hilda?Ganondorf raised his eyebrow.

― Oh, no, I meant in secondary school.I took a swig of soda. ― Me and Hilda have _definitely_ fucked.

This wasnʼt exactly news—I had informed him as much almost immediately after weʼd first committed the act. Still, it felt kind of nice, to be so open about it with another person and not feel any sort of shame or embarrassment.

I _definitely_ wasnʼt about to tell my father.

― What about you?I asked. We had skirted around this topic before, but I had never really received a definite answer from him. ― Any lovers, old sexual partners, et cetera? Or are you just planning on rocking the “single” thing all your life?

― At this point? The latter,Ganondorf replied. ― Iʼm not sure sex and romance are really… my thing.

― Youʼd be adorable at it, I bet, though,I said, chewing slowly on an Octorok tentacle. ― Sorry, I know that doesnʼt help. But, yʼknow, youʼre pretty attractive; if you ever decided to play the field, I bet you could find yourself a partner in no time.

― And Iʼm sure you could probably get yourself a partner in no time too, if you ever decided you were into guys,Ganondorf replied.

Alright, I _probably_ deserved that one. ― I donʼt know,I said. ― Theyʼd have to somehow look past my unapologetic dykiness. And, I mean, be polyamorous, because Hilda is sure as heck _not_ going anywhere.

― _Never_ underestimate the ability of men to look past something when it comes to sex,Ganondorf said, and I had to admit that on that point he was probably right.

We sat in silence for a little while, Pamela Sharp soundtracking our approach on Crenel.

― You know what I think?I asked suddenly, inspiration hitting once again.

― Hmm?

― We should start a fucking band.

* * *

At 4PM on a Raursday, the trails of Mt. Crenel were utterly desolate—we encountered not a single other soul for the duration of our entire hike. There was a wooded glen which sat at the base of the mountain, wherein a creek of runoff made itself into a small pond, and provided a nourishing environment for what was otherwise one of the drier regions of Hyrule. The parking space was not far off; naturally, this is where our hike began.

It was a school night, and an hourʼs drive back to campus. So, we werenʼt planning anything adventurous—not climbing to the peak or anything. Just a simple scenic there‑and‑back‑again, well‑marked and well‑worn through the trees.

I was the type to move in fits and starts, and Ganondorf the type to keep a steady pace. So, it took a little bit for us to get comfortable accompanying each other. ― …Are you coming, Zelda?he would ask.

― Yeah, Iʼm just—I would reply, ― trying to see if I can spot any fish.And then, some fated swimmer spied, I would jog to catch up—and be twenty paces ahead of him before long.

― Not that Iʼm complaining,I said, taking a swig of Mt. Lanayru, ― but I swear, itʼs mid‑Dimnber and itʼs a fair _five_ degrees warmer than Medough was.

― It _is_ a warm day for autumn,Ganondorf concurred. He sipped water.

I had thrown on a jacket prior to our departure, but it was now tied firmly around my waist. I reached into my bag for a granola bar. ― Itʼs kind of nice,I said, swatting at a bug. ― A little muggy though.

The mugginess being a product of the pond, it would dissipate as we gained in altitude and moved away from the small lake. The trees, too, fell away, and we were back to the grassy slopes which made up the Crenel mountain foothills.

Our destination, the scenic lookout post, remained just one (steep!) hill beyond us. Not that the trail ended there—it forked, rather, with the right‑hand path making a low‑elevation loop around the glen, the left continuing up the slope towards the peak. But there we were content, looking out over the trees and greenery, the fields of Hyrule stretching out behind us, the sun hanging low on the horizon which lay before. I sat near the cliff edge in the grass. Ganondorf came up beside me.

It was quite a sight. A soft wind blew and stirred the branches, and the shadow of a bird passed overhead. Internally, I couldnʼt help but say a small prayer.
    
    
    The clouds did part; like rays of light
    The chosen did descend on land.
    Abandoned they the power of flight—
    That on this Surface they might stand.

― Can you imagine—seeing all this for the first time?I asked. I gave a self‑conscious laugh. ― Yes, I know, donʼt give me that look. But, just imagine it: living for years, maybe your whole life, on this great blue—be it the sky or the sea, whatever—and hitting land for the first time—and this is what you see? All this green, and beauty, and _life_.

― It _is_ beautiful,Ganondorf agreed.

I took a deep breath, letting the smell of the grassy soil fill my lungs. ― I think Impaʼs wrong,I decided. ― I mean, sheʼs not wrong about the myth being all “Hyliaʼs Chosen Land for Hyliaʼs Chosen People”, or it being used to justify wars and colonialism and all of this bad stuff, but…I picked up a pebble off the ground and tossed it over the cliff. ― Itʼs like what Sahasrahla was saying on the first day of class. Thereʼs more to it than just the historical record of how itʼs been deployed.

― …Such as?Ganondorf asked.

― People havenʼt always walked this land,I said. ― I mean, we know that now, because science, but the Hylians sort of always have? And… I think thereʼs a way in which recognizing that… it helps you appreciate it better. This world got on just fine for centuries without us. Weʼre really just guests here.It wasnʼt the sort of realization one could really make or argue in a classroom, a constructed artifice in a constructed campus, surrounded on all sides by other people and their creations. Maybe that was the point of Day of Descent, after all. Stepping down from all that.

I rose to my feet and brushed off my behind. ― Pretty shitty guests, sometimes, Iʼll admit,I laughed. I held out my hand to him. ― Head back before it gets dark?

He took it, and although he nearly pulled me off my feet doing so, rose to his own. I gave his arm a tight hug, not sure if the rest of him was, like, Allowed. ― Thanks for coming here with me,I said. ― Itʼs been nice.

― To be honest,he replied, as we started back down the hill, ― Iʼm a little surprised you didnʼt bring Hilda along.

― Oh,I said. In all honesty, I hadnʼt bothered stopping to consider it. Our dinner‑date had gone well, and we were closer now than we had been, but—we had only been dating for four days. Our relationship was still primarily sexual. ― No, she doesnʼt like cheesy romantic stuff like walks in the park,I explained. ― Or the outdoors.

― Well, I _do_ like the outdoors,Ganondorf said.

― Plus, Hilda is sort of… intense? —Which isnʼt a bad thing,I quickly clarified. ― Like, sheʼs really good in bed. But if Iʼm already feeling anxious… it can be a bit much. Weʼre still learning each other, I guess.

In reality, it wasnʼt like Iʼd actually known Ganondorf for that long either—an extra three weeks, which I supposed was substantial when Iʼd only been at university for five. But either because of that, because we literally lived together, or just because he was a more open personality, he felt much more familiar to me. ― Hilda is… complicated,I decided. ― Youʼre comfortable.

― Is that… normal for people to say about their relationship partners and friends?Ganondorf asked.

I shrugged and blew air out my lips. ― Beats me,I said. ― Different people are different. Like I said, Iʼd still rather have sex with her than you.

― Thank the goddess for that,Ganondorf replied, and I gave him the obligatory playful shove even though the feeling was mutual.

― …Also, wouldnʼt that have been hella awkward for you?I asked, suddenly thinking about it. ― If Hilda was here weʼd totally be, like, making out.

― I think I would just look away,Ganondorf said.

― There wasnʼt anyone else here…I pondered. ― We _totally_ couldʼve had some hot Forest Sex, too.

― Okay, _that_ would be awkward,Ganondorf laughed. ― You will have to make it to _that_ outing on your own.

And, on that note, we reached the car.

― You know, I just thought of this,I said as I buckled up, ― but itʼs going to be pretty late by the time we make it back, so… Wanna stop for dinner along the way?Snacks could only tide a girl over for so long.

― I donʼt think we have many options between here and there besides fast food,Ganondorf replied. ― But if thatʼs okay with you…

― Ganondorf.I looked at him sternly. ― Youʼve lived with me for how long, now? I am More Than Okay with fast food.

― Okay,he said, starting the car. ― Then thatʼs what weʼll do.

I insisted that he let me pay for our meals, and he obliged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> …And this is now the lengthiest fic _I_ have ever posted to the Archive. Go me?
> 
> Iʼm sure you have all noticed Zelda is something of a wild child, but I thought it important to have a chapter showing her appreciation for the wilds as well. My adaptation of her character derives as much from other fanfics as it does from the games proper (who are not wont to give her this much agency), but Skyward Sword and Breath of the Wild are still some of the major inspirations.
> 
> Please note that neither of _these_ Zeldas are equated particularly strongly with the Triforce of Wisdom…
> 
> As for her general thirstiness, I confess [The Complete Guide for Courting Etiquette: the Do's and Don'ts of a Royal Engagement 4th Edition](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20398480) was an influence.
> 
> Finally, I would like to direct your attention to [this drawing of Zelda playing electric guitar](https://mastodon.social/@AutomaticGiraffe/102964155930411625) by AutomaticGiraffe.


	7. Halloween

Sarisday, 31 Dimnber

― So, have you decided on a costume yet?Ganondorf asked me. ― Are you and Hilda doing a thing?

It was the morning of Halloween—which naturally had me excited, not only because it was my second favourite holiday in all the year, but also because we were hosting a lowkey party out of our dorm room. And by “party”, I mean that I invited Impa and Lyndæ over in addition to Hilda and we were going to, like, watch a movie or something. Alcohol wasnʼt exactly _permitted_ in the dorms.

― _No_ ,I replied, clearly upset about the fact, too. ― I asked her what her costume was and she told me it was “a secret”, so. I guess weʼll both see. But, oh, yes, I do have an idea: I was thinking Iʼd go as a pirate.

― A _pirate_?Ganondorf asked, honestly more surprised than I thought he would be. What was wrong with me being a pirate? I was _all about_ that booty. ― Do you have, like, _any_ piratey clothing?

― Well, no, weʼll have to do some shopping, obviously,I said. It was true that my rough and tumble was built for the sheets and not the high seas. ― I mean, _I_ will. I donʼt know what your plans are.

― I donʼt have plans,Ganondorf said. ― Shopping is good. We should pick up snacks and such anyway.

― I actually got the idea after our trip to the mountain,I explained. ― You know… I was thinking of early Hylian sailors and such, and I thought: “Yʼknow, sailors are cute; I could be a sailor for Halloween.” And then I thought: “Yʼknow, pirates are _cuter_ , so…”

Ganondorf wrinkled his nose, no doubt thinking of smelly, salty men. ― Iʼm not sure I would describe a pirate as _cute_ ,he said.

I stuck out my tongue at him. ― Well, then, itʼs a good thing youʼre not my target audience,I said, pulling out my phone. ― Here, Iʼll show you what Iʼm going for; itʼs like, a butch thing.

I came up beside Ganondorf and brought up my photos app to show him. I had done some image‑searching earlier, and the photo I had saved was of a rugged, beach‑tanned blonde in a simple sleeveless shirt and baggy trousers which failed to quite reach her ankles. Around her neck hung a fashionable bandana; on her belt, a short sword. Forgetting for a moment that I looked like vanilla pudding, I thought I had a decent chance of pulling the look off.

That picture, however, was _not_ the one the photos app opened up to. I had forgotten that I had done some messaging with Hilda after.

The photo was of me, in the nude, and in a _particularly_ compromising position, back arched, fingers thrust deep (I shouldnʼt have to name where). _Well._ If Ganondorf ever had any curiosity about what I got up to when he wasnʼt around. I very nearly flung the device straight out the window, and myself after it, through the glass, just to be sure it was properly destroyed when it hit the ground.

I didnʼt, of course, because I _did_ still want to see Hildaʼs reply, and I needed a working phone and functional, not‑splattered‑on‑the‑concrete eyeballs for that. So instead I just quickly swiped the picture away with an almost hilariously understated “Oh. Excuse me”, and selected the correct photo out of a gallery which was to an embarrassing degree similar compromising shots.

A note to myself: Do not _ever_ let people you arenʼt dating look through the pictures in your photos app.

― …Iʼm just going to pretend I didnʼt see that,Ganondorf said.

― See what?I said innocently, utterly betrayed by the extent to which my face was glowing red. ― Here, this is what I was talking about.

― Hmm…Ganondorf examined the photo, and then me. Were he _any other boy_ , I was sure he would have been looking at me in a _much different manner_. ― Yes, I think you can pull this off; Iʼm not sure I would call it cute, though. I get the feeling you are projecting your feelings about the girl onto the outfit.

― What? Nahhh, sheʼs not _that_ …Okay, maybe she _was_ a cute model. I bit my lip. ― Well, it doesnʼt matter, because itʼs well‑established that Hilda thinks _Iʼm_ cute, and sheʼs the one Iʼm looking to impress, so…

Ganondorf raised an eyebrow at me. ― Clearly,he said.

― Oh shut it; itʼs perfectly normal to send nudes to your girlf! Itʼs not like we actually get to _have sex_ that often, so…I huffed. ― You donʼt have a partner; youʼre in no place to judge.

― Not judging,Ganondorf said, holding up his hands. ― You _do_ know, you can hide those from the main photo gallery, though, right?

― Wait, _really_?I thumbed around in the app for a little bit to no success. ― Okay,I said finally, giving up. ― Youʼve already seen this one; show me how to hide it from the main screen.

Now that the initial shock had worn off, I realized that I did not actually care _that much_ that Ganondorf had just seen me with my fingers in my coochie.

Ganondorf sighed loudly, and begrudgingly obliged me.

I spent the next several minutes repeating the procedure for every lewd selfie I had taken over the past four weeks, the number of which surprised even me. Ganondorf, meanwhile, retreated to his laptop, no doubt sterilizing his eyes with pictures of cute piglets or something. As I confronted a near monthʼs worth of sexual photographic effort, a thought struck me. ― …Youʼd probably take really attractive nude selfies, huh?I mused.

― Excuse me?Ganondorf asked, visibly jolting in shock from the accusation.

― Oh! I mean, because of your major. I bet you have a really good sense of lighting and composition and such, yeah?I tried to picture it without making it obvious I was imagining my roommate naked.

― I Wouldnʼt Know,Ganondorf replied. ― And isnʼt an amateur style considered preferable for that sort of thing, anyways?

― Mm, I think I could do either,I surmised. ― I think from you I would want a more professional style, since, like,and whoops, I definitely just admitted to imagining it, ― Iʼm not normally into guys.

― If I ever have any dykes petitioning me for nudes,Ganondorf said, ― Iʼll be sure to keep that in mind.

And if that wasnʼt the single weirdest roommate conversation weʼd had.

― Wanna go hit the thrift store?I asked.

― Yeah; letʼs,Ganondorf replied.

* * *

The warm weather had well and truly left us at this point. I persuaded Ganondorf to let us stop by the café on our way downtown, ordering a pumpkin spice latte, which he rolled his eyes at. ― Oh, hush,I said, warming my hands with the paper cup. ― Pumpkins are a _very_ important Hyrulean crop.

He ordered himself a spiced chai.

Shopping for clothes at the thrift store was always a little hit‑or‑miss, but the bandana at least was easy to find. ― I guess I can just roll up a pair of jeans,I supposed, trying on a jacket which I hoped was vaguely piratey enough. Three‑quarter‑leg trousers werenʼt really in stock. ― Maybe I should wear an eyepatch to, like, really drive the point home. Or a paper hat.

― A hook hand,Ganondorf suggested, gripping a coat hanger menacingly.

― Iʼm a dyke; I need my fingers,I said, scoffing at the notion. ― I mean, ahem, for texting my girlfriend.

― Mm.Ganondorf was himself trying on a cheap plastic crown.

― Youʼre going to be a king?I asked. He had somehow scrounged up something resembling a robe, and he draped it over his shoulders regally.

― What do you think?he asked.

― Hmm,I pondered. ― Iʼve always considered you princely.

He laughed. ― Whatever does _that_ mean?

― I think you need to spice it up,I said, not answering. ― Like, a king is fine, but a redead king? Now weʼre talking.I found a pair of suitably faded jeans, roughly my size, and draped them over my shoulder to try on.

― How does one even dress up as a redead?Ganondorf asked.

― Oh, they sell masks at, like, the supermarket and stuff. Theyʼre _supposed_ to be carved out of like, the wood of someoneʼs coffin? Itʼs super creepy actually.

The supermarket, as it happened, was our next destination. Ganondorf and I had our own ideas about what things to get, but of course I had a girlfriend to please, too.  
_r there any snax u want?_ I texted her as we browsed the shelves.

_will there be alcohol?_ she replied. I groaned loudly in the aisle.

_hilda its not permitd..._  
_i meant FOOD snax_

_be gay_ she wrote;  
_do crimes_

I sighed. I might as well ask. ― Hilda wants to know if there will be alcohol,I said.

― _I_ wonʼt be having any,Ganondorf replied, shrugging. Of course he wouldnʼt care. ― So thatʼs your call. I would be remiss not to remind you what happened the last time you got drunk at a party, though…

― I got a wonderful girlfriend?I asked.

― You had a highly questionable hookup which _just happened_ to, by some strange stroke of fate I still donʼt understand, turn into a wonderful girlfriend,Ganondorf amended.

― Yeah, well, the girlfriend partʼs whatʼs important to me,I said, giving up on the idea of responsibility and opting for a box of ciders. ― Anyway, I have her now, so like, thereʼs nothing to worry about in that arena anymore.(Almost nothing: Hilda and I werenʼt, strictly speaking, monogamous, but letʼs just say that my sexual desires were fairly happily sated for the moment.)  
_there wil b alcmohl_  
_snax???_

_only snack i need is my girl :*_

I snorted. Ganondorf gave me a look. I started to explain: ― Oh, I was just asking Hilda about snacks, and… you donʼt want to know.

― If you _are_ buying alcohol,Ganondorf said, ― we should make sure we have enough mugs for everybody, just so it is not Transparently Obvious what you are all drinking.

― Youʼre good at this “doing crimes” thing for someone so straightedge,I complimented him. I added a set of mugs to my cart. Thankfully, we had travelled here by car.

― How about popcorn?Ganondorf asked. ― Popcorn is a good snack.

― Hylia fuck it, I never ate lunch,I realized, in a complete non‑sequitur, which of course meant that Ganondorf hadnʼt either. ― After we get this food, letʼs go get some food, yeah?At this point, I was pretty sure I was taking Ganondorf out to eat more than I was my literal girlfriend, but eh. Like I said, she could share.

We did wind up getting popcorn, and a number of other things besides.

The remainder of the afternoon, once we made it back to the dorm, was spent preparing costumes and (ugh) cleaning the room. I sent Hilda a photo of my finished outfit, to which she replied  
_cute :)_ which I immediately showed to Ganondorf just to rub it in his face.

_ok now show me yrs_ I texted her.

_haha nice try_ Well, it had been worth a shot.

Ganondorf and I both had class at 2:30PM, which was helpful for taking our minds off of things. I went in costume, mitigated by a coat but still leaving a chill around my ankles. Dinner was fish and buttered rolls and squash. We retired to our room and prepared the movie, Mask of Majora.

Twilight fell, and with it came the spirit of anticipation.

* * *

A knock came on the door, and I leapt to answer it. Ganondorf was at his laptop, working on a music selection for the evening. ― Iʼve got it,I said, turning the handle and opening the door.

Hilda was waiting on the other side for me. ― Hey, Zel,she said.

I smiled, and held the way open for her. Then my mind registered her costume, and I about blacked out in shock. ― Hilda…I said, trying to sound stern but actually one step from a fit of laughter. ― …Did you just show up to my Halloween party in a Sexy Bunny costume?

She pecked me on the lips as she crossed the threshold. ― Just for you, my princess,she said. Her flesh and cheeks were flush from the Dimnber cold—and as far as Sexy Bunny costumes went, she had certainly gone with one of the more revealing. Purple—of course—little more than lingerie with ears and a tail. ― …Let me get you a blanket,I said, closing the door.

She blushed and looked away. ― …You donʼt like it.

I blinked at her in surprise. Excuse me? ― …What? No,I clarified, pulling her close. ― Of _course_ I like it, itʼs just—you look frigid.And felt frigid, now that I held her in my arms.

She pouted, unable to keep from sinking into my embrace. ― I thought thatʼs why I had you.

― Well, letʼs get _us_ a blanket then, and…My eyes finally had made their way down past her bellybutton. ― …Oh my fucking goddesses,I said. ― Did you _pad_ your _crotch_?

Hilda wiggled her hips at me, looking to the side. ― Not telling,she said innocently.

― Hilda I have literally seen you naked and it is like _five_ degrees outside; you are not _that_ well‑endowed.I grabbed her by her bunny‑tail and squeezed gently. ― …Not that your curves arenʼt sexy.

Ganondorf coughed, loudly. ― I can, uh, leave the room,he said, ― if you two need a moment.

I did some quick mental math. We had… maybe fifteen minutes before everyone else showed up? Hilda was hot, but she was cold, and I wasnʼt _that_ turned on. Sex would have to wait. But the comment spurred me into action: ― No time,I said, grabbing a cider from the fridge and pouring it into a mug for Hilda. ― Weʼll have to warm up the old‑fashioned way: alcohol,and I pulled a blanket off of my bed and wrapped it around her, ― and snuggling.

― I donʼt believe weʼve actually been introduced,Hilda said, clasping the blanket around her shoulders with one hand and extending the other to Ganondorf. ― Iʼm Hilda.

― I presumed,Ganondorf said, taking it and giving her a quick look. ― Ganondorf. You do look cold; are you sure youʼre going to be okay getting home tonight?

― She can borrow one of my coats,I offered quickly, trying to make it sound as though we had planned this out even though it was painfully obvious that we hadnʼt. Ganondorf rolled his eyes as someone who knew full well that everything about our relationship was shot from the hip and played by the ear.

― If you promise to keep things chaste,he said, his stare correctly identifying me as the usual instigator, despite appearances, ― she _could_ just spend the night.

― Wow, I like him already,Hilda said, lifting her mug off the table and taking a sip. ― Youʼre right, he _is_ much better than Link.

I smiled and gave her a wink. Ganondorf sighed. ― Just try not to make it _too_ regular a thing.

I poured a mug of cider for myself and got cozy with my girlfriend on the floor. We still didnʼt have a beanbag chair—but we _had_ acquired a very soft rug. Ganondorf left momentarily to prepare the popcorn in the hall microwave, returning to set it down beside us. ― I think thatʼs everything, he said.

As if on cue, another knock was heard, and Impa was at our door. They were a…? ― Gero,they clarified, as we rose to greet them. An ancient sort of ninja. ― Hello, Ganondorf. Zelda. …Who is Salacious Rabbit?

I smiled. ― This is my girlfriend, Hilda,I replied. Impa knew of her existence from our time together at the Blood Moon Festival, but evidently they had still yet to make formal acquaintance.

― Um, excuse me?Hilda said. ― I think youʼre mistaken; I daresay my name _is_ Salacious Rabbit, as in I am, as of now, _legally_ having it changed, because that is Awesome. I will also answer to “Sal”, or “Sally”?

― Donʼt joke about things like that, Hilda,Ganondorf warned, a tired look in his eyes. ― Zelda _will_ take you seriously.

― Oh, goddess, _yes_.I pulled out my phone and attempted to unlock it while taking a drink. ― Wait until my dad hears that “Salacious” is my new girlfriendʼs first name.

― Oh, gods, Zel,Hilda said, delicately removing the device from my hands and returning it, locked, to the front pocket of my jeans. ― _Please_ do not make _that_ your fatherʼs first impression of me.

Lyndæ showed up next, as the final arrival, in a large pointy hat with red streamers flowing down the side. ― Savʼsaaba,he said nervously to me, perhaps a little bit put off by the number of unfamiliar faces in the crowd.

― Vasaaq,I replied, trying not to think about how Ganondorf was undoubtedly internally critiquing our pronunciations. ― What are…?

He looked at his feet. ― Iʼm a volcano. They can be scary, goro.

I laughed. ― Well, Iʼm Zelda the Pirate, and here we have Impa the Gero, Hilda the Salacious Rabbit—(He flushed. ― Youʼre right, it _does_ work better as a title,Hilda said.) ― —and Ganondorf the ReDead King. Classmate, girlfriend, roommate. Everyone, this is Lyndæ, from my Intermediate Gerudo class.

― I‑itʼs nice to meet everyone, goro,Lyndæ said.

And we all got settled. Pipit happened to walk by, doing his rounds. He knocked on the (still open) door. ― Quite a crowd in here,he said.

(― Thatʼs Pipit, the R.A.,I whispered.) ― Oh, weʼre just having a spooky movie night for Halloween,I told him. ― Nothing untoward.I boldly took a swig of alcohol.

― Okay, well, just make sure you keep the volume down,he replied. ― Quiet hours donʼt stop being a thing just because itʼs Halloween.

I gave him a respectful salute and he, after deciding that the group was mostly harmless, let us be.

― Okay,I said, closing the door firmly. ― Now, who wants cider?

We chatted for a bit, but the movie was underway within the hour. I spent the preceding time trying to be a good hostess and helping Lyndæ to feel comfortable, as he looked extremely out of his element and almost ready to bolt; thankfully, he and Ganondorf hit it off. I hit the lights and finally was able to return to the cuddled embrace of my lover.

As my bare arm pressed against her, her skin now warm from its time with a blanket wrapped around, I was viscerally and pleasantly reminded of the fact that she was hardly wearing any clothes.

― Come sit on my lap,I whispered, and Hilda obliged. I wrapped my arms around her tummy and peeked out at the screen from behind her shoulder.

The first half‑hour of the film and I was pleasantly engrossed and comfortable, warm and cozy despite the spookiness of the eve. Under the blanket, my hand traced idly up her legs and along her bare stomach, fingers retracing without thinking the gentle caresses of our rare nights spent in each otherʼs intimacy over her exposed skin.

It was only when Hilda discreetly pulled it away that I realized my hand had ventured somewhat lest chastely towards her crotch. ― Oh!I whispered. ― Sorry…

My throat was dry (did I mention that the blanket was by this point quite warm?) and I reached for my mug with the disgraced hand, frowning to find it empty. ― Itʼs fine,Hilda whispered back, graciously passing me hers. She seemed about to say more, but then, thinking better of it, pulled out her phone.  
_i don't mind except obviously this isn't the time or place to fuck_ she wrote me.

I looked around the room. Everyone else was… still pretty much just watching the television. Would they notice if we…?

We were not quiet folk, and lacked the present technologies to properly clean up after. They would definitely notice. So, that plan was no good.

_i wasnt even thinkin abt it_ I replied honestly.  
_...but now im kinda thinkin abt it_  
_i dont suppose yr room is free?_ Perhaps we could just dip out for a bit without disrupting the flow of the party.

_yes but remember it is far and cold_  
_and link will be back later tonight_  
_so if we go there i'm not coming back and we can't sleep together_

_i defs want 2 sleep w u_ I texted, and Hilda snorted at the double entendre. Impa shot us A Look before turning back to the screen. Evidently we werenʼt at a funny part in Mask of Majora.

I wasnʼt sure if Mask of Majora _had_ funny parts, to be honest.

I traced the inside of Hildaʼs thigh, because it was there and a soft stim while I was thinking, and also because I was getting more hornt by the second. Goddesses, this outfit exposed so much skin.

_wot time is it_ I asked.

_darling ily but you are literally typing this on a phone_  
_check for yourself lol_ Right. It was… a little after 9PM.

_sry im a bit distractd ;P_ I replied, and to accentuate the point I did let my hand creep a little higher. She had _definitely_ padded her crotch.  
_th humanities bld is open til 10:30 n its close?_

_zelda..._  
_are you suggesting we fuck *in a classroom*_ She leaned back against me.

_if i play w u a bit b4hand it wont take long?_ I had given up on trying to feel through the padded fabric and just stuck my hand down her pants. She arched and sighed a little against me, somewhere between frustrated and content.

_ok fine_ she conceded.  
_hbu?_

I didnʼt even bother texting my reply—setting down my phone, tilting my head up, and nibbling gently on her ear. Between my fingertips, I could feel her growing more and more aroused. ― I have two hands,I whispered, soft enough that only she could hear.

Neither of them were hooks.

* * *

Our hushed announcement that Hilda and I were stepping out to check on something was met with little fanfare, and our return in the final moments of the film likewise. If any of our friends were wise to the fact that we had just had rushed (but oh‑so‑satisfying!) oral sex in a small classroom on the third floor of the Humanities building, they certainly knew better than to say it out loud. I was some combination of tipsy, invigorated from our walk through the chill, and gushingly sentimental from my orgasm—or, in other words, an emotional mess—but a pleasant kind. The picture finished and it wasnʼt long before Impa and Lyndæ said their goodbyes, and I thanked them both profusely for taking the time to get together with us.

― It was either hang out with you or go party‑hopping with Link,Impa said, and I nodded solemnly.

― Iʼm not one for parties,Lyndæ said, ― but this was nice, brother.

― Hey, youʼre welcome anytime,I offered. ― If you ever get bored, and just wanna hang out with good olʼ Zel and Gibdo, come on down. Unless, yʼknow, weʼre in class, or… otherwise occupied. Maybe text first.

― …Gibdo?Lyndæ asked, and Ganondorf just shook his head and shrugged.

And we were (the three of us) alone.

― These might be a bit wide in the hips,I said, tossing Hilda a T‑shirt and pair of pyjama pants from my wardrobe, ― But they have a drawstring.

― …This might be the first time Iʼve been told to get _more_ dressed before sleeping with a girlfriend,Hilda remarked.

― Cute as your rabbitʼs tail is,I replied, ― I donʼt want it poking me in the crotch all night, okay? Plus, like, we both know thereʼs no way youʼre sleeping in that bra.

She stuck out her tongue and then moved behind the armoire to change out‑of‑view (of Ganondorf). ― I actually have class pretty early tomorrow,she said, after we had switched places. ― So I hope you two donʼt mind calling it an early night?

― Thatʼs fine,Ganondorf said, already in his bed with his laptop. ― With you here, Zelda might actually fall asleep before 1AM.

― Iʼll at least be very cozy if I donʼt,I remarked, strolling up and hugging Hilda from behind. She smelled like freshly laundered cotton with a hint of girlfriend. ― Just donʼt be surprised tomorrow morning when I decide to sleep in.

She snorted. ― So long as you manage to get up while itʼs still AM,she told me, ― I think youʼll still be doing better than Link.

I usually was able to manage that.

The events of the day decided to catch up with me, then. I sleepily slumped against my girlfriend. ― Do you think you can just,I yawned, ― carry me up to bed for me.

She stepped away, rudely forcing my to carry my weight upon my own two feet. ― I think you can manage that one on your own,she replied, and I begrudgingly began to climb.

― Meanie,I said, and she shoved my rump upward, which actually did make scaling the lofting easier.

― Okay,Hilda announced. ― Zeldaʼs tired; Iʼm hitting the lights.

― Itʼs the alcohol,I complained as we were plunged into darkness. ― And the… things.

― Goodnight, you two,Ganondorf said, closing his laptop and wisely not asking for clarification on that last point. ― See you in the morning.

― ʼNight, Ganondorf,Hilda said. ― Thanks for taking care of my girlfriend all this time.She flopped down beside me and I immediately snuggled her close. I was glad, despite their seeming reservations towards each other, that they both seemed to accept the otherʼs place in my life—and get along.

I nuzzled her neck affectionately. ― He is _very good_ ,I told her, sleepily forceful in my tone. ― I love him very much.

― Wow,she teased, sounding it not in the least, ― now Iʼm jealous.

― Oh, hush,I said, going to kiss her, deciding it was too much effort, and mostly just collapsing against her chest. It was very soft and I held her tightly. ― I love you very much too.

She patted my head very gently and pulled the covers up around us. ― I love you too,she whispered. ― Very much.

It was something she was usually embarrassed to admit out loud, though we both knew it to be true. Now, her voice carried no signs of bashfulness, soft and caring in a way she rarely showed the world. I smiled and gave her body a tiny squeeze in response.

I was asleep within the span of five further rises and falls of her breast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For clarity, adults _are_ permitted to purchase alcohol in Hyrule, theyʼre just not permitted to have it in their dorm rooms.
> 
> The same is true of swords.


	8. Hallowtide

Rudnesday, 01 Nayrry

The morning came far too early and the alarm was not one that I recognized. I didnʼt bother opening my eyes, pawing haphazardly in the space beside me in an attempt to silence the foreign sound. ― Hrrglblrrgl,I mumbled, my fingers making contact with something warm and soft and oddly girlfriend‑shaped.

― Zelda,I heard her saying calmly. ― Would you kindly remove your hand from my face? My nose is not the snooze button.

― Nose,I replied, opting to give up on the fiendish drone and simply snuggle the woman beside me. ― Cute.She fumbled around for a moment, and with the power of the gods managed to quiet her fell device.

Then she pulled away from me, climbing out of bed, and I yowled.

― Good morning, Hilda, Hildaʼs pet cat,Ganondorf said, blearily. I hissed at him and buried myself in the covers.

― Iʼm stealing more of your clothes,Hilda told me, opening my wardrobe. ― Let me know if thereʼs anything itʼs not okay to grab.

― All of it,I protested. ― Come back to bed.

― I _told_ you,Hilda replied, ― I have class.She selected a warm sweater and a pair of boot‑cut jeans. She held them up against her body. ― What do you think?

It was actually a super cute look for her. ― Hmm,I said, trying not to acknowledge the fact. ― I miss the bunny ears.She laughed, and changed into the new clothes. Then she grabbed a brush and combed out her hair.

― Alright,she said. ― Thereʼs just enough time for me to grab my things from my room before I get to class. I gotta go.She hopped up and gave me a kiss, preëmpting my protest. ― See you two lovebirds later, okay?And she was gone, and a sleepy morning silence had once again reclaimed the room. Ganondorf, from all appearances, had already rolled over and fallen asleep. The task was not so easy for me, given that my body was now protesting the Hilda‑sized absence left in my sheets. I harrumphed and flopped over onto my belly, attempting to bury the light of dawn with my pillow.

Wait, _lovebirds_?

> ― He is _very good_ ,I told her, sleepily forceful in my tone. ― I love him very much.

Ah, right. I _had_ said that. In my defense, I was definitely tired, and likely drunk.

I made an attempt to sit up, and felt the headache which had been lurking under the surface of my mind jump out at me. I winced and flopped back down on the bed. Yep, I had definitely been drunk. I blinked against the morning. What had I been thinking about, again?

> In reality, it wasnʼt like Iʼd actually known Ganondorf for that long either—an extra three weeks, which I supposed was substantial when Iʼd only been at university for five. But either because of that, because we literally lived together, or just because he was a more open personality, he felt much more familiar to me.

Hildaʼs phrasing had been a bit… extreme, but the truth was that I _did_ love Ganondorf—of course I did, he was a good roommate and a friend. It wasnʼt the sort of thing I would normally admit out loud, but booze can make a woman say strange things. In the morning light, however, the sappy sentimentality of the previous night had been replaced with a hungover befuddlement. Why was I still thinking about this?

> ― You know,and I gestured to his body. He had that soccer‑player look about him: Toned, athletic, and also somehow slightly _flamboyant_ , despite not wearing anything more sophisticated than jeans and a polo, his red hair tied back in a ponytail, a glitter of gold embedded into his ear. ― …Sculpted,I said.

Well, it wasnʼt, strictly speaking, _only_ that he made for a good roommate—he was also awfully attractive. Not in the same way Hilda was attractive—I didnʼt want to go over there and jump his bones; I had never had any interest in sex with him _at all_. But he had a nice voice, and a good figure, and… it was pleasant to be around him? Attractive; comforting.

> ― Mm, yep, see,I said, glancing through my notes. What kind of story ends with the hero _dying_? But I supposed it was some kind of romantic. ― If youʼd had boobs, youʼdʼve had me at “tarvʼha”.

That wasnʼt weird, right? Thinking that your close friends are attractive? Ganondorf and I had, like… a bromance; we loved and supported each other and I maybe thought he was cute but it wasnʼt like I was imagining him naked or anything. I was still definitely a dyke, and we were just… pals, and there was definitely not any deeply‑buried sexual or romantic tension between us at all.

> ― Oh! I mean, because of your major. I bet you have a really good sense of lighting and composition and such, yeah?I tried to picture it without making it obvious I was imagining my roommate naked.
> 
> ― I Wouldnʼt Know,Ganondorf replied. ― And isnʼt an amateur style considered preferable for that sort of thing, anyways?
> 
> ― Mm, I think I could do either,I surmised. ― I think from you I would want a more professional style, since, like,and whoops, I definitely just admitted to imagining it, ― Iʼm not normally into guys.

I blinked. Then I sat up—ouch, headache—and looked over to where Ganondorf was sleeping calmly. Again, no sudden lightheadedness, no unbidden lusting thoughts, no urges to take off all my clothes. He was still a man, and I was still _pretty sure_ that I was not sexually interested in him at all.

At the same time, the feeling of butterflies stirring in my stomach was unmistakable.

_Was I somehow gay for my roommate, Ganondorf?!_

This was a train of thought which could not be solved from my bedposts. I needed time, and space, to think. So I descended quietly, grabbed my dining card off the table, and snuck out the door before he again stirred.

I took a deep breath, shaking my head as I walked down the hall. This was not the end of the world! I was tired from waking up early, and hungry, and at least a little hungover. I was probably just making a big deal out of nothing. When you live with a person for long enough, your feelings just get… confused. Itʼs perfectly natural. Worst case scenario, I was actually just a little bit bi.

That was survivable. I could survive that.

I was halfway down the hall before I realized that I had neglected to put on pants. I ducked into the laundry room and nicked some poor sapʼs denims. Desperate times called for desperate measures—Iʼd return them when I wasnʼt in the middle of a total crisis of identity.

I just needed some fresh air, and some food. Iʼd figure everything else out after. Worst case scenario, I was actually just a little bit bi.

* * *

_What if Iʼm actually not gay, after all? What if Iʼm actually just a fraud?_

Needless to say, food was not the miracle cure I had been hoping it to be. Rather, it gave me time to remember certain _other_ things Iʼd heard. Things about tribadism being just a phase. About women spending their horny college years going after other girls only to make the correct decision later and settle down with a man. Things I had, in my youthful innocence, never paid any mind before, but which now seemed saturated with dangerous possibility. What was it my father had said at the beginning of the semester? _Yes, well, things change._

I wasnʼt going to _become_ one of those women, now, was I?! I imagined me and Ganondorf, living together in a tidy suburban house, little munchkins running around, and I just about screamed. I didnʼt _want_ to get married and settle down!

My bagel wasnʼt agreeing with me, even though I had slathered it with butter and cinnamon‑sugar and it was rightfully delicious. The old, _gay_ me liked cinnamon‑sugar bagels, after all. What if that was a lie, too, and I had just tricked myself into thinking I liked them because I was so desperate for their cinnamon‑sugary affections?

I frowned at the half‑eaten breadproduct. ― Iʼm _not_ just eating you for attention,I told it. It didnʼt bother gracing me with a response. Even in the noisy cafeteria, my words felt a little hollow.

I was trapped in my head and it was getting me nowhere. I needed answers. I pulled out my phone. _how to tell if you are really gay…_ Alright, this was a lot of words, and I was _not_ in the mood to be reading all of them? I tried a second approach.

_hey hilda_ I messaged.  
_send me a nude photo_

_fuck off i'm in class??_ Her reply came almost immediately, so, despite its contents, she couldnʼt have been paying _that_ close of attention to the material being presented.

_this is important_ I replied.  
_i need 2 kno if im stil gay_

_fucking hell zelda who did you bang this time_

_nobody!!_  
_i just_ how do I put this how do I put this  
_maybe realizd i mite b um_  
_attractd 2 ganondorf??_

_um. yeah?_ Hilda did not seem to find this revelation nearly so earth‑shattering.  
_...and?_

_and_ My reply felt oddly difficult to type, my fingers stiff sausages against the screen.  
_wot if im actuly str8 n ive just been Fooling Ery1 This Whole Time_ It seemed simultaneously absurd to admit that I might be worried about such a thing—and incredibly, deeply, personally vulnerable, too.

Hilda knew better than to poke fun at me.  
_oh gods Zel_ she typed. And she did what any respectable dyke would do when her girlfriend is in crisis and requesting immediate nudes.

She sent me a picture.

She was standing in a toilet stall, obviously having just ducked out of class. Her hair was pulled back and her chest was bare, her (my) sweater slung over one shoulder like a jacket. Her (my) pants were still on—but unbuttoned, and I could see the violet of her underwear poking out through the fly gap. Her eyes were to the side, away from the camera, and her expression was one of humoured exasperation. A pencil was tucked behind her ear.

She was still incredibly hot.

_i am NOT taking off my pants in here_ she messaged.

For my part, I groaned and banged my forehead lightly against the table. What was I even thinking? Of _course_ I still found Hilda sexually attractive. She was my fucking girlfriend.

I was a fucking dyke and this bagel, by the way, tasted _amazing_.  
_nope this is good THANX defs stil gay_ I wrote.

_you owe me payment later_ she replied.

I looked up, and noticed at that exact moment Ganondorf making his way into the dining hall, sleepily rubbing his eyes. My identity crisis might have been resolved, but that didnʼt mean I was ready to confront my newfound… well, whatever _this_ was. I gathered my things and scrammed.

_how abt now?_ I asked, ducking into a nearby toilet—someplace where I definitely wouldnʼt be found.

_zelda i'm in CLASS_

_okok just_  
_dont open this 1 for a lil bit then_

Unlike Hilda, I had no qualms with letting my pants hit the floor.

* * *

I was sitting in Hildaʼs room, on her bed, and Hilda, not looking _particularly_ pleased about this fact (or maybe just upset that Link was also present), sat beside me, idly hugging a large rabbit plushie. We had met up in the hall after the end of her class, exchanging a few words which mostly revolved around Hildaʼs complaint that Iʼd sent her to her classroom with a boner (she hadnʼt waited). ― These pants are not exactly _loose_ in the crotch,sheʼd said. ― It was _uncomfortable_.

― Why didnʼt you just… yʼknow, take care of it?Iʼd asked in response.

― In a toilet stall?She scoffed. ― Disgusting.

― I could have helped if youʼd asked…I said, giving her a slight squeeze on the rear.

― I was gone for long enough as it was,she protested, brushing me off. ― Not everybody is looking for sex literally every second of the day.

I pouted. ― …You could have at least sent me a picture,I grumbled, trudging along behind her, obstinately ignoring the fact that she literally just had.

Needless to say, there was a little bit of tension in the room.

― Thanks for letting me hang out here,I told her, flopping backwards onto her mattress. ― I realize that Iʼm overreacting, I just… donʼt know that I can deal with Ganondorf right now.

― Yeah, well, you _are_ still my girlfriend,Hilda replied, balancing her rabbit on my face. ― _Frustrating_ though you may be sometimes.

― Aw, ladies,Link said, obnoxiously. ― Is the big bad Gerudo man causing you trouble? Should you want for me to…he made a punching gesture, ― …talk to him?

― Okay, _wow_ , Link, could you just…I replied. ― …Not? In any way?

He stared at me, affronted. ― Well, excuuu—

And I was on my feet, my hands grasping to pull any sort of weapon from thin air. ― I will _stab_ you,I said. Hilda calmly removed the pencil from behind her ear and passed it to me. I brandished it at him like a rapier.

Granted, Link was in Fencing Club and probably knew how to parry a rapier. He just raised his eyebrows and looked from Hilda to me. ― Well, I can see why you two get along,he remarked.

― Look, Link, canʼt you just go work in the library or something?Hilda sighed. ― Give us some privacy?

― Yeah, yeah, I can tell when Iʼm not wanted,he said, rising to his feet. ― Probably wasnʼt going to get much work done with Stabby McStabBitch here whingeing anyway.I threw my (Hildaʼs) pencil at him. He knocked it away easily. I huffed, frowning. ― See you clowns around,he said. And, thankfully, he was gone.

― So,Hilda said, sighing and getting into a more comfortable position on her bed. ― Do you want to talk about it?

I didnʼt, really. ― How about,I suggested, ― now that Linkʼs gone, you just distract me from all my problems with hot sex until eventually they become unavoidable and the world comes crashing down?

― Mm.Hilda pretended to ponder this proposal. ― I like my idea better. _Perhaps_ , if youʼre a good girl and talk about your _feelings_ , there might be time for some hot sex _after_.

— Ugh,I pouted, flopping back down beside her, on my stomach this time. Why did I have to go and date someone _responsible_? She placed a hand gently on my rear. ― Thatʼs no fun.

She sighed, but there was something in the sound other than her frustration with me. Something distant, and sorrowful. ― How about if I start?she asked. ― I suppose itʼs not really fair of me to ask you to do something Iʼm not willing to do myself. So, um:She took a deep breath. ― Texting me for nudes in the middle of class was… annoying to say the least, but… the fact that you thought of me when you were questioning whether you were into girls was really gender‑affirming and sweet.She cozied up beside me and placed a kiss on my cheek. ― So thank you.

I turned to look at her, confused. ― Well _yeah_ , of course I thought of you; youʼre my _girlfriend_ , who else am I going to ask for nud— _oh_.A train of thought which I had never before considered crossed my mind. ― Wait, Hilda, do you have anxieties about your _gender_?

She gave me the most Classic™ Hilda exasperated expression and rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling. ― Um, fucking yeah, Zel, Iʼm a _trans woman_.I took the opportunity to snuggle up and place my head on her chest, and she spoke quieter after to accommodate this new proximity. ― And Iʼm dating a fucking goddess, reminded _daily_ of the kind of gorgeous cis body I will never in my life get to experience having, so… _yes you could say I have gender anxieties, Zelda_.

― But… youʼre _Hilda_.I frowned. ― You never told me.

― Yeah, well, you know me, I talk a tough act,she said. ― I guess I just assumed you would just _know_ , which, like, youʼre cis, so big fucking assumption there. I donʼt know.She sighed. ― Iʼm not upset with you for not picking up on it.

― Well, _I_ am,I pouted. Not noticing I was attracted to my roommate; not noticing Hilda felt anxious about not being seen as a woman… What _other_ giant fucking things were staring me in the face that I wasnʼt picking up on?

― Can I say a silly anxiety?Hilda asked, and I nodded. ― If you _do_ turn out to be bi, I know itʼs shitty, but thereʼs this little part of my brain going, _what if she doesnʼt actually see you as a girl, and sheʼs just been attracted to you as a boy this whole time?_

― Oh, _stop it_ ,I said, squeezing her tightly. ― Youʼre my girlfriend and always will be. And anyway, I donʼt think Iʼm attracted to boys like that anyway.

― How do you mean?she asked.

― Like, the things Iʼm attracted to in Ganondorf are like, his voice and how he carries himself and like, his whole demeanour. And I _like_ him but itʼs more like, I just want to be in his presence. He makes me happy. Iʼm still not sure if itʼs really sexual.I pecked her neck. ― With you—with girls—I saw you and I wanted to fuck _right away_.

― So youʼre… what? Homosexual, but uh, bi…romantic?Hilda asked, running her fingers through my hair. ― Is that a word?

― I donʼt know,I replied, burying my face in her chest. ― Itʼs really confusing.

― Mm.She traced her fingers lightly up and down the back of my neck. ― It feels good to talk about it and get it off your chest, though, doesnʼt it?

― I donʼt know. I think Iʼm still in shock.Her hands felt nice, though. ― I have class with him in like, an hour, and Iʼm scared of it. And at some point weʼll have to talk.

Hilda kissed the top of my head. ― Well, whatever the two of you figure out,she said, ― you know I support you.

― …Yeah.

― …Iʼm kind of disappointed,Hilda admitted. ― Youʼre my girlfriend, so naturally I want to cheer you on. But I donʼt even know what I would be cheering _for_.

― Sorry,I said. ― Iʼm a bit of a romantic disaster.

― You really _are_ ,Hilda stated, laughing. ― First it was Jules, who turned out to be straight (and also dating my roommate). Then it was _me_ , and Iʼm amazing, but I also like, hated your guts initially, so. And now _Ganondorf_ , except itʼs confusing and you donʼt really know what you want out if it. Plus, like, you live together.

The gentle motions of her hand and the rises and falls of her breast were starting to put me to sleep. ― …This is really gay, isnʼt it,I said, yawning.

― …Yeah,she replied, letting her hand settle between my shoulderblades. ― We can have sex now, if you want, by the way.

― Maybe just nap,I decided, snuggling her close. The waistband of my (well, someoneʼs) denims dug annoyingly into my side. I groaned and sat up. ― Maybe just nap without pants,I amended.

We stripped the both of ours off. I relished in the feeling of my bare legs against my partnerʼs, and I traced lightly along her chest in contentment. Looking down, it appeared as though she enjoyed it too.

It _was_ a bit distracting.

I tilted my head up and nibbled her ear, very intentionally letting my hip press against her crotch. ― Although,I said, teasingly, ― if youʼre _uncomfortable_ , my offer still stands.

She kissed my temple. ― I wouldnʼt say Iʼm _uncomfortable_ , exactly,she said. ― Although if you keep up like this, I might still be asking for your help.

― I didnʼt get that much breakfast today,I pouted, and she laughed, and I pulled her underwear down.

When I did get my nap some fifteen minutes later, it was with the taste of girlfriend in my mouth.

* * *

It was only by Hildaʼs grace (persistence) that I made it to class in time. I forwent my usual seat next to Ganondorf, in fact sitting on the clear opposite side of the room—a fact which he was certain to notice. But I was determined to put off our eventual conversation for as long as possible.

In reality, it probably would have served me better to use more tact. He caught up to me _immediately_ after class, despite my attempt to flee. ― Zelda,he said, catching my arm. ― What is up with you today? Did I do something wrong? I canʼt help but feel like youʼre avoiding me.

Well, that made sense. I _was_ avoiding him. Too late, I decided to play it cool. ― Oh?I asked, feigning innocence. ― Whatever would give you that idea?

He didnʼt even privilege that with a response.

I sighed. ― Okay, yes, I was avoiding you,I admitted, taking my arm back. ― And no, you havenʼt done anything wrong. I just needed space.

― Oh,he said, looking confused, and still worried, but at least a little bit relieved. ― Okay, then. …Do you mind if I ask why?

I pressed my lips together and gave him a look. ― I… realized a thing, and I think we should talk about it, but I wanted to get my head straight before we do.

Much to the disdain of my apocalyptic imaginings, this bothered him not at all. ― Okay,Ganondorf said. ― …You know, you could have just told me that, right?

― I donʼt know what responsible and coolheaded Zelda you _think_ youʼve been rooming with all this time…I began, and he laughed. ― I was anxious, okay? Please forgive me that.

He patted me on the head. ― Forgiven,he said. ― And, whatever it is—tell me whenever youʼre ready. Just… try not to be too distant, alright? Itʼs lonely having to eat breakfast without my Zelda.And he was walking back towards the dorm.

I found myself wishing I had something nonlethal in my hands, such that I could chuck it at his quickly retreating head. ― You are too damn easygoing, you know that?!I shouted after him, realizing that I didnʼt really have anything better to do than follow him back to our room. And, here I was expecting a big showdown, or something. A headpat and “tell me when youʼre ready”? Talk about anticlimactic.

― What?he called back. ― Iʼm your roommate, not your life partner. Talk to Hilda if you want to get chewed out.

_Different people are different._ Right. I jogged up beside him. ― I actually did,I told him. ― Talk to Hilda. Thatʼs where I was this morning. It helped.

― Yeah? Iʼm glad.He paused. ― …That wasnʼt a euphemism, was it?

― It _mostly_ wasnʼt a euphemism.I winked at him.

― Iʼll admit, I still donʼt understand you two,Ganondorf said, ― but Iʼm glad you have each other.

I smiled in response. I was too. I was glad I had her… and, honestly, him. ― Hey, Ganondorf,I said, and I brought us to a stop, there on the sidewalk, planted trees arching overhead. ― The thing I wanted to talk to you about is… I think I might be attracted to you. Well, something like that, anyway.

― Oh,he said, and then his brain actually processed what Iʼd told him. He gave me a look of shock. ― Wait, _really_?

― Yeah,I laughed, and weirdly all of the tension of the moment was gone, and we were discussing my awkward romantic feelings as plainly as one might the weather. The weather was glorious, all things considered, by the way—especially compared to the frigidity of the night before. It was still _definitely_ autumn, but likely the last day in the year when I would be able to get away with leaving my room in nothing more than the shirt (and, well, undies) that Iʼd slept in, even if it _was_ long‑sleeved. ― Turns out Iʼm probably some kind of bi. So itʼs been, uh, quite the morning of revelations for me.

― Yeah, Iʼd say,he replied, rocking back on his heels. ― You know that I donʼt, like…

― Yeah, I remember.

― Like, itʼs nothing personal, I just donʼt with _anyone_ …

― Itʼs fine,I smiled. There must have been something in the sunshine that day, the spirits of Halloween passed on to their next life and the sages smiling down on us from above, because I was pretty sure getting rejected wasnʼt supposed to make you _happy_. But, I was. We had both been honest with each other, the world hadnʼt ended, and now we both knew where the other stood. Which was: I thought Ganondorf was cute, and Ganondorf didnʼt think _anyone_ was cute, and we were friends and roommates who liked each other very much in a completely ordinary, friendly, roommate sort of way, plus, in my case, maybe a little bit more than that besides. It was hard to be dissatisfied with that.

― We should talk about boundaries,I said, after we got moving again.

― …Boundaries?Ganondorf asked.

― Yeah, I mean,I told him. ― Iʼd kind off like hugging you now. Are hugs okay?

He laughed. ― You can hug me,he said, and I did.

― I just donʼt want to make you uncomfortable,I told him, and we continued walking with my arm around his waist. ― Like, Iʼm probably going to be more open to,I waved my hand, ― various intimacies than you are, and most of all I want to stay your roommate and your friend, and so we should talk about boundaries so that I donʼt wind up saying or doing something which jeopardizes that.

― No sending me nude selfies,he said, and I chuckled.

― Yep,I replied. ― Those are _exclusively_ for Hilda.

― But, okay,he agreed. ― Let me think about it. Maybe tonight?

― Alright,I said, feeling my phone buzzing in my pocket. I pulled it out to three new messages from Hilda.

_status update?_ she wrote.  
_did you talk to him?_  
_everything alright?_

_yea_ I replied, releasing Ganondorf to type to my girlfriend, and feeling _very_ gay about that fact.  
_we'll talk mor 2nite but yea_  
_hilda i think i love him_

_you already said that yesterday, silly_ she responded, and I smiled.

_luv u 2 <3_ I typed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What if I told you it was possible to be attracted to different people in different ways? Nah…… sounds gay……
> 
> Demi friends who kept finding themselves with inexplicable crushes on their roommates and then spent the entire rest of the semester questioning whether they were attracted to them as Just Friends or as Potential Lovers…… I see you.
> 
> If your comment is erasing of bisexuality, I will be erasing of your comment.


	9. Autumn Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Advance warning that this chapter contains **some suicidal themes** pertaining to the _Implied toxic home life_ tag. Nobody dies in this fic, I promise.

Raursday, 20 Nayrry

It was Raursday before Ganondorf perceived that something with me might be amiss. ― …Youʼre still here?he asked suddenly, as he was filling a suitcase, the question obviously rhetorical as I was, indeed, sitting right there. ― Are you… not heading home for vacation?

It was the week of (Hylian) Harvest, and thus also the week of Autumn Break. And, no, I was not.

― My dad is away on work, so Iʼm staying here,I explained. Hilda had made the trip home yesterday, and with Ganondorf looking about ready to take off I was preparing for a long week of being alone. I tried to front a happy spin: ― I canʼt say Iʼm too distraught about it,I said; ― Hylian Harvest sucks arse.Unspoken: And, with no roommate present, I had some lewd photos of my girlfriend which I could commune with whenever I wished.

Not that it would be anything like the real thing.

― Oh,Ganondorf said. ― Well, _Iʼm_ heading home today; I feel kinda bad just leaving you here all alone, though? If you wanted, you could… come with?

I snorted. ― Thatʼs a little… last‑minute,I said. ― I wouldnʼt want to impose.

― Trust me,Ganondorf replied, ― in my family, itʼs _expected_ to have a guest or two unexpected. But, I mean, I can call ahead if that worries you.

I considered it. On the one hand: No alone time, and a weekʼs worth of dinners with the family of the boy on which I had an unrequited (semi‑?)crush. On the other hand: His parents were hella gay. And, they didnʼt celebrate Hylian _anything_.

― …Okay,I decided. ― Count me in. Please do call.

― Alright, well, while I do that,he said, zipping up his own suitcase, ― youʼd best get packed.Thankfully, I had done laundry that weekend.

And so I was once again in Ganondorfʼs car, driving south.

― Have you ever been to Kakariko?Ganondorf asked, once we were underway.

I had not. ― In all honesty,I told him, ― my dad was off on business often, but I mostly just stayed at home. Iʼm not what one would call “well‑travelled”.

― Huh,Ganondorf replied. ― And here Iʼd always thought youʼd had something of an adventurerʼs spirit.

― I didnʼt say it was by _choice_ ,I grumbled.

― So this will be your first time over the mountains, then? Itʼs beautiful; this time of year there will probably be snow.

― …Please be careful,I said, although the thought of snow‑capped mountains _did_ fill me with a certain excitement.

― Not on the _roadways_ , I hope!Ganondorf laughed. ― …Why _is_ Hylian Harvest so late in the year, anyways? Weʼve already had our first frost.

I thought about that one. ― I… donʼt actually know,I replied finally. ― I think itʼs a… Sheikah thing? That we just, sort of, stole? I should ask Impa.

― Oh, yeah, because _that_ will put them in a good mood,Ganondorf said. ― Iʼm amazed that you two are even friends.

― Eh, theyʼre salty but sweet,I replied. ― When the subject isnʼt Hylians, we get along fine. And our cultures are more similar than different, I think.Come to think of it, that was probably _why_ we butted heads so often. I rummaged in my bag for a snack, and came up with a granola bar from our _last_ roadtrip. Good enough for me. ― But no, I didnʼt mean from class; my nannyʼs name is also Impa, and I meant them.

― Ah, yes,Ganondorf said, ― your _nanny_.

― Shut up,I replied, probably a little more offended than I needed to be, but Impa had done more to take care of me than my father ever had, and I didnʼt appreciate the slight. ― Not everyone gets _two moms_ , okay?

And, well, there was nothing to make a car ride silent quite like reminding everyone of your dead parent. Of course, it was pretty much the _last_ place I wanted the conversation to linger.

― Tell me about _your_ family,I finally said, realizing I could turn the tables and change the subject at the same time. ― Since Iʼm going to be meeting them here in a bit.

Ganondorf sighed. ― Well, youʼve already met my moms.And, true that, they were awesome. ― We also live with my grandmother, on Ishaʼs side, Cara—she mostly just keeps to herself these days, but sheʼs really sharp and knows a number of really good jokes. And then I have five sisters: Perda is older than me, and married to a man named Wabbin; who knows if sheʼll be there or not; Yaido is also older, unmarried; Sumati is in college like us, a junior; Pyraʼs a senior in high school; she turned 18 a few months ago; and Kyra is the youngest, but sheʼs in high school too.

I had forgotten that I was absolutely terrible with names. I pretended to have followed along. ― Right!I said. ― So youʼre… kind of a middle child, then, hm?

― Yep,Ganondorf confirmed. ― Third youngest.

We passed the turnoff for Mt. Crenel and continued southward, the ground falling away on our left to reveal the Lanayru wetlands, a small flock of birds rising up from the reeds. This time of year, the lowlands were brown and dull, dead but not yet frozen, a sprawling soggy mass of decay. I imagined the scene with a blanket of snow and found it much improved. Before us, the slopes of Sahasra rose up, the final barrier standing between us and Kakariko, nestled on just the other side.

We began the climb.

― By the way, Ganondorf said, his voice a little hesitant. ― Not that it would necessarily come up, and… thereʼs not really a good way for me to say this, but you might want to keep the fact that your girlfriend is trans to yourself while weʼre there.

I had just opened a bottle of Mt. Lanayru and was taking a sip when I nearly spat it back out. ― Wait, what?I asked. ― Your family isnʼt cool with trans people? I thought your mum literally majored in Gender Studies, though!

He winced. ― I am not saying that you would receive trouble,he said, carefully. ― Especially since neither you nor Hilda are Gerudo. At the same time… Gerudo culture places a lot of emphasis on the distinction between _voe_ and _vai_ , and those terms are… not necessarily trans accommodating. It is, regrettably, a bit of a source of cultural pride, actually.

― Well, thatʼs shite,I said, because it was. It left a funny taste in my mouth, which I did my best to drown. ― But what about you? Iʼve never picked up on intolerant vibes from you at all.

― I have no stake in this game,Ganondorf laughed. ― I have no reason to police the boundaries of who is or isnʼt what gender, since, Iʼm not going to be dating them regardless. I think the whole thing is silly.He sighed. ― But, historically, Gerudo society was very segregated, and those habits die hard for some.

I chewed on my lip lightly. I realized that I had no idea _how_ historical Gerudo society was structured, aside from its Hylian reputation for being highly tribadic. ― Well, thanks for the heads‑up,I said. ― And Iʼm glad I donʼt have to unfriend you for failing to respect my girlfriend. Kinda puts a damper on the whole “meeting your family” thing, though.

― Eh, give my sisters a chance,Ganondorf said. ― …The younger ones, anyway. Theyʼll come around.

We hit the snow.

As Ganondorf had predicted, it was not on the roadway: The day was sunny; the sky clear. But it rose up on either side of us, walls of slush mixed with tarmac from where the snowplows had cleared a previous fall. And beyond that, the rising fields of white; tall grasses and scattered trees; tracks from various animals, left in the frosted crust. It was the first snow I had seen since spring, and for the first time it felt like we were actually approaching the end of the year.

In the distance, I saw a pair of deer, and I excitedly pointed them out to Ganondorf.

Then the mountains rose up around us, and we were travelling through Kakariko Pass, and I could not see anything save the snowy cliffs to either side. It was a stifling, intense feeling, to be travelling so quickly through such massive, unforgiving faces of rock. When we emerged on the other side, it felt like a surfacing for air, great mountains all around us—and, closer than Iʼd expected, the quiet city of Kakariko below.

We descended on the town.

* * *

― So,Ganondorf said, as we passed in our car through the city limits. ― We made good time, and Iʼm guessing the kids are still in school. My parents are working, and who knows if any of my older sisters are here yet (or even coming). So, we _could_ head to my house and hang out with my grandmother, _or_ , if you prefer, we could explore the city for a bit on our own.

Nothing against Ganondorfʼs grandmother, but I chose the city of Kakariko.

This decision no doubt influenced by the fact that Kakariko in the snow was absolutely _adorable_. Holiday lights lit up every tree, and big seasonal banners hung from the streetlamps, touting the magic of families and giving gifts in the cold. Considering it wasnʼt even Harvest yet, it was, frankly, a little disconcerting just _how_ festive the whole place had gotten. But combined with the quaint Sheikah architecture, it cast a very firm illusion of having stepped into another world.

I loved it. ― I canʼt believe you _live_ here,I said, spinning slowly around as we walked, taking it all in. ― Itʼs like incarnate Winter Wonderland.

Ganondorf laughed, taking me by the hand to keep me from making a fool of myself. I took his whole arm like we were a couple. ― Itʼs pretty beautiful in the summer, too,he replied.

― I canʼt imagine.I was a little underdressed for the mountain temperatures, but I was too warmed by the lights and the atmosphere to feel cold. Looking around, the festivities gave me an idea. ― Hey,I asked, ― is it okay if we do some shopping?

― Yeah, sure,Ganondorf replied. ― What for?

― _Who_ for,I corrected. ― While weʼre here, I thought I might get a Gifts Day present for Hilda.We hadnʼt discussed it and I wasnʼt planning to—Hilda hadnʼt ever said as much, but it was obvious that she did not have my level of financial resource, and I wanted her spending it on herself, if anyone. But damned if I wasnʼt going to take every opportunity to see her smile or make her blush.

Of course, our relationship would have to survive long enough for me to gift it to her, but I wasnʼt too worried on that front.

― Arenʼt you supposed to do that _after_ Harvest?Ganondorf asked. ― You know, with the sales?

I pouted sternly at him. ― Ganondorf,I said. ― Do I _look_ like a Black Imnsday shopper?

― You look like a Gifts Day Eve shopper to me, but…and, oh, how I wished these sidewalks were not so neatly plowed such that I could find a snowbank and shove his head right into it.

Not that he wasnʼt right. I was _terrible_ at planning gifts.

― …Does Hilda even celebrate Gifts Day?Ganondorf asked me. It would have been a valid question if Iʼd cared.

― Well, firstly,I said, ― sheʼs _my_ girlfriend, and _I_ do, so sheʼs getting a gift from me whether she likes it or not; and secondly, who _doesnʼt_ celebrate Gifts Day? Itʼs literally the most benign holiday; it has no religious significance whatsoever.

― I mean, the Gerudo donʼt,Ganondorf explained, ― but thatʼs because we have Midwinter like, literally three days before. Two gift‑giving holidays in one week would be a bit excessive.

― You have to help me figure out what she would like,I said, tugging at his sleeve.

― Condoms,Ganondorf suggested, rolling his eyes. And I recalled that the only thing Ganondorf really knew about Hilda was that she and I had sex an awful lot.

― You jest, but thatʼs actually not a terrible idea,I said. ― Really, itʼs more of a stocking‑stuffer, though…

― Look, Zelda, I have met Hilda _once_ , and she was hardly wearing any clothes. I donʼt think I can be of much help here.

― Oh, she likes _bunnies_ ,I remembered, recalling her costume on that night. ― And purple. Maybe I could get her like, a themed journal or something. Or underwear.

― …Isnʼt underwear usually the _last_ thing one wants to receive on Gifts Day?Ganondorf asked.

― Um, not when itʼs from your _girlfriend_ ,I replied, ― obviously. Oh! Maybe I should buy _me_ new underwear, and then her present is she gets to help me take them off. Except, Iʼm not really sure how to wrap that…

― Plus, thatʼs not any different from what sheʼd be doing anyway,Ganondorf remarked.

― Shut _up_ ,I said, sticking my tongue out at him. ― Itʼs a “romance” thing; you wouldnʼt understand.

I ended up playing it safe and buying her a novel. And condoms. ― If your family finds out that I have these, just say Iʼm holding onto them for a friend,I told Ganondorf, as I placed the rubbers safely into the bag. It was the perfect alibi.

We made our way, at long last, to Ganondorfʼs residence, parking the car in the street.

It was not small—couldnʼt be, seeing as it needed to house… nine? regular occupants (or had, at one time)—but it _was_ smaller than Iʼd expected, which was to say, smaller than mine. It was a tight layout—lots of cozy bedrooms; a den of moderate size; a kitchen cramped with drawers; a dining room nearly entirely consumed by its table—and it was lived‑in, each feature showing the wear of (at least!) six pairs of small hands interacting and growing up with it over the course of its life. But it was clean, and consciously put together, and there was art on the walls and quilts on the benches and it, in a word, felt like a home.

An older woman—although not as old as I might have expected—came out to greet us. ― Hello vaba,Ganondorf said, lightly. ― Are any of the others home yet?

― Perda and Wabbin are,she waved her hand, ― somewhere. Pyra and Kyra are taking the late bus these days, because of clubs. So they should be home soon. And who is this?She gestured to me.

I bowed respectfully. ― Iʼm Zelda; Iʼm Ganondorfʼs roommate. You must be Cara.It was the first name Ganondorf had given me, and consequently the easiest for me to recall. ― Thank you for having me.

― Zeldaʼs father is away travelling, so sheʼs spending the break with us,Ganondorf explained.

― What clubs are… the younger ones doing?I asked.

― I know Pyraʼs in Cross‑Country,Ganondorf said. ― How has she fared, vaba?

― Fine, fine,Cara said. ― Better than last year, and sheʼs enjoying herself. Sports arenʼt really Kyraʼs thing, though. Sheʼs doing… what is that thing, with the cartoons?

― Oh, heavens,Ganondorf sighed. ― Sheʼs in Anime Club.

― Yes, thatʼs it,Cara confirmed. ― She is with all her friends in Anime Club. I donʼt really understand it, but she seems to be enjoying herself.

Ganondorf lifted my suitcase from my hands and set it alongside his on a bench. ― Do you want a snack, Zelda? Iʼm guessing dinner wonʼt be for a while yet.

― We have reservations for seven at Mellieʼs,Cara told us. ― Perda needs to head back for work tomorrow, so weʼre getting the whole family together tonight. Yaido will meet us there.

― Ah, see, seven,Ganondorf said.

― A snack would be lovely, thanks,I replied. He held out his hand, and led me to the kitchen.

* * *

I had never, ever, been seated at a table with so many people before. There were eleven of us: Ganondorf and I seated beside each other at one end, Perda and Wabbin across from us, then the remaining children in seemingly random order in the middle, and Isha and Ashai and Cara seated at the other end. At any given time, there were two or three conversations going on, and my brain jumped between them: Ashai talking about work; Kyra and Pyra chatting about what sounded like a video game (not that Iʼd ever heard of it); Perda asking the two of us about college. ― Itʼs gone well,Ganondorf said. ― Zelda even has already found herself a girlfriend.

― Oh?Perda asked, biting into a slice of Appetizer Bread with interest. ― Just a casual thing or do you think she might be The One?

― I think itʼs a bit too early to say,I said tactfully, silently cursing Ganondorf for making _me_ the topic of conversation. ― It started out as more of a physical thing, but…

― You had chemistry? Thatʼs good.She sipped her wine. Iʼd had enough embarrassing encounters with alcohol by this point to know to limit myself to water. ― Thatʼs how it was with me and Wabbin. Two strangers, looking for a quick hookup, and then it turned out we actually worked really well together. Almost by accident, yʼknow?

― How long have you been married?I asked.

― A year and… six or seven months? A year and a half.

― It was quite the wedding,Ganondorf said, and with the size of this family, I could only imagine.

Our food arrived. Perda and I had both ordered a soup; Ganondorf had some kind of meat slab; Wabbin had a sandwich (the fancy restaurant kind); the younger girls had both ordered pasta. Perda was more impatient than I, immediately dunking a chunk of bread into her bowl and biting down, not waiting for it to cool. ― Wow,she said, after she swallowed. ― Hot!

― Well, yeah,I laughed. ― Thatʼs why you blow on it first.I had a spoonful held before my lips and was working on cooling it myself.

― No, I mean _spicy_ ,Perda clarified. ― Try it; youʼll see.

― Really?The description hadnʼt said as much, although I wasnʼt about to complain: I _lived_ for hot. I experimentally placed the spoon between my lips, and the liquid had indeed cooled enough to swallow. But it _was_ spicy, even for my tempered tastes. I took a gulp of water. ― I see what you mean,I conceded, my mouth burning.

― If itʼs too much for you,Ganondorf offered, directed more at his sister than at me, ― we could trade…

― Hell no!Perda exclaimed, guarding her bowl protectively. ― Zelda and I are sisters in fire, now. We have to suffer through this together,and I gave her a determined nod.

There was a cry from further down the table, and I recognized the voice as Ishaʼs. ― Did you get the soup, too, va?Perda called out to her. Then she turned back to me with a devious glint in her eye. ― Cʼmon,she said. ― We canʼt let _her_ show us up.

And, well, I did have a competitive streak.

By the twentieth bite, my whole mouth was aching, but the pain seemed to have at least plateaued somewhat. The flavour actually was delicious, except for the part where it made your face fall off. Perda matched me bite‑for‑bite, with copious gulps of water and grabs for bread to help blunt the spice. At the other end of the table, Isha was equally determined, and the two women shouted updates back at each other constantly.

― Zelda and I are halfway done!Perda announced. ― Howʼs it coming, va? Giving up yet?

― Never!Isha shouted back, consuming a full spoonful and squeezing her eyes shut.

We were, all three of us, crying and making a horrific mess and probably embarrassing ourselves and the entire rest of the restaurant. Around us, the rest of the family consumed their meals politely and chatted respectfully amongst themselves.

We were in too much pain to open our mouths for small talk. Still, I regretted my choice not at all. I loved food, but I had never before imagined eating could be so much _fun_.

It took many minutes of intense battle, but eventually it was the case that Isha conceded defeat. Perda laughed and I gulped water, and we high‑fived lightly across the table. Ganondorf and Wabbin shared knowing looks of resignation. ― Thatʼs it,Perda said, smiling at me. ― You beat va in a trial of flame and endurance. Youʼre an honorary Dragmire now.

I bowed my head deeply. ― Truly, I am honoured,I squeaked out through my charred throat. _Zelda Dragmire_. I smiled. It had a nice ring to it, and as far as familial inductions went, this was _greatly_ preferable to my waking nightmare of marrying Ganondorf.

It made for a better name than _Zelda Hyrule_ ever did, anyway.

I liked this family, I realized, as I looked down the table. I mean, I already knew that I liked Isha and Ashai (and Ganondorf too, of course), but Perda as well, and Cara, and—well, I hadnʼt spoken much to the rest of them yet, but looking at them each individually seemed to be almost missing the point. There was an energy that they had as a group, a synergy, that was just nice to be around. It was in our battle of soup consumption, of course, but also in the more mundane things, like the way we had all packed into cars to get here, or the number of hands the breadbasket went through as it was passed from Perda down to Ashai at the other end.

I reached over and gave Ganondorfʼs leg a light, affectionate squeeze. I was glad he had invited me to be a part of this. It was nothing like a Hylian Harvest gathering—just a family of people who cared for each other, taking advantage of their time off to meet up with the ones they loved.

And then I remembered my own girlfriend, and that she would not be so easily accepted here, not be so readily granted the title of _sister_ , and something about the scene shifted, as though the joy and happiness I was witnessing were being shown on a projector screen, and I was sitting some distance removed, conscious of them but not really a part of their realm of affect. My hand dropped back to my side. It wasnʼt only that my own attachments were removed from the room, of course—but that the company of these people was a privilege she never would have, that something as pure and wholesome and full of goodwill as this moment would be so restricted from the one that I loved —:there were not words for the specific feeling of melancholia that this dawning spawned in me. I felt the burning in my mouth lessen to a dull ache.

― If youʼll excuse me,I said, rising to my feet. ― I think I drank too much water; Iʼm going to use the loo.

Well, as it turned out, I _was_ quite hydrated. But I had another reason for wanting the privacy of a toilet stall.  
_hey hilda_ I messaged, as I let the liquid pass through me.  
_u there?_

Her reply was almost immediate:  
_yes_

_sry i was just feeling dissociatd all of a sudden n needed 2 hear from u_ Hilda had complained about going home so early to me before she left, but declined in giving any details; I couldnʼt tell at the time if she didnʼt like her family or just wanted to spend more time with me. But her stepfather had wanted her home for Harvest, and the weekend had been the only time he could pick her up. I was hoping for the latter; at the least, I was hoping it would be a safe enough conversation topic for taking my mind off of things.  
_how r things going?_ I asked.  
_home alright?_

For taking my mind off of things, it would exceed with flying colours—but as far as “safe” was concerned, it turned out to be anything but.  
_if by "alright" you mean completely fucking broken then yeah home is great_ Hilda texted back to me.  
_lowkey thinking of killing myself rn but yk nbd_

_hilda..._ How is one supposed to reply to that? Nobody ever taught me _that_ in school.

_dw i'll wait until winter break we can still bang a few more times_

_Hilda._

Rationally, I was pretty sure she wasnʼt serious. I told myself this: Hilda was my rock, my fighter; she might have a totally awful day and still she would struggle through everything to look after my sorry arse while I broke down about the dining hall running out of my favourite cereal. (True anecdote: She had done this.) She would give me shit for it; she gave everyone shit; she got angry, but she didnʼt get suicidal. So, I knew that she was just joshing around. That she would be talking about killing herself after just one day at home made no sense to my rational brain.

But, the goddesses also equipped me with a gut, and it told me something was _very_ wrong.

My affect at the dinner table was a distant memory.  
_i can't keep coming back here zelda_ she messaged me.

_do u want 2 talk abt it?_ I asked, craving more information, an assurance that things would be alright.

_Absolutely Not_ she replied, my wish denied.

I sighed.  
_can we pls talk abt this more @ school?_ One‑night stand aside, Hilda and my relationship had rightly begun—and developed—significantly through text, through selfies and casual messaging, and I had been banking on the powers of technology to keep us close over the break. But now, I felt what a charade that really was. I felt painfully alone, the cellular towers only exemplifying the distance; all this connectivity, and I still couldnʼt give my girlfriend a damn hug. I needed to make this better somehow.  
_look_ I sent,  
_worst case scenario_  
_u can just come home w me 4 winter break alrite?_ I had no right to promise this. I hadnʼt checked with my father—or even told him we were dating!—I had no idea what his reaction would be. But dealing with those consequences, whatever they might be, was still better than—well, any alternative which endangered my Hilda.

And, I had no idea what was happening to her over there.

_promise?_ she texted me.

_i wont get in th car w/o u_ I replied.

She sent me a selfie. It was obviously from her room, because there was purple and bunnies everywhere, but I couldnʼt actually see much of the environment apart from her bed. Her hand was making half of a heart shape (the other was holding her phone), and she was visibly in tears.

In that moment, I was prepared to chain myself to her physically, if that was what it would take.  
_i dont think u need anothr pic of me on th toilet_ I replied.  
_im @ dinner w gdorfs family rn n shld prolly get back_  
_but stay safe, ok?_

_ok_ she texted.  
_have a nice dinner_

It was a bit late for that, but I steeled myself to at least try.  
_thnx_ I replied.  
_luv u lots_

She sent me back three purple heart emoji.

* * *

After dinner, Isha treated us all to gelato, to soothe our burning tongues despite the cold, and I felt a little bit better after that. Yaido said her goodbyes and left for her apartment somewhere else in the city, which made me a bit sad since we hadnʼt spoken hardly at all, but she assured us she would be around. The rest of us headed together (split across two cars) for the Dragmire family home.

― What do you want to do tonight?Cara asked, as we were on the road. ― Perda? Itʼs your last night home. Maybe a family game of cards?

Perda sighed, staring out the passengerʼs side window. ― Iʼm too tired for cards,she said. ― And we have to get up early tomorrow. Maybe just a quiet movie, or something?

And so a quiet movie, we all did.

Four large bowls of popcorn were prepared, and we gathered cozily together in the den to stream something off of Floria Prime. It was nigh‑impossible _not_ to cuddle up in that cramped space; I ended up mostly in Ganondorfʼs lap, with a bowl of popcorn in mine—which he didnʼt seem to mind (probably because it meant we could guard the popcorn from everybody else) and I found quite comfortable (he was soft and warm and smelled like cute boy). I am not sure what the movie was about—I wasnʼt really paying attention, still a little dissociated and focusing on just appreciating the warmth and presence around me. I was also incredibly tired—it had been a long day.

We were about an hour in when Ashai suddenly spoke up. ― Oh! Zelda,she said. ― I need to set up your mattress. Iʼm assuming youʼre okay just sleeping in Ganondorfʼs room?

I blinked slowly at her, not really processing her words but recognizing from her tone that she was trying to perform A Hospitality. ― Oh, I mean,I yawned, ― Iʼm probably fine. I donʼt want you to miss the end of the movie.

― Probably fine?she laughed. ― Are you just going to sleep on the floor then?

My future‑planning braincells were already out of commission; I mostly just wanted her to sit back down! ― I donʼt… know?I said, staring at her like she was from outer space. ― Ganondorf, tell her a thing.

Ganondorf sighed loudly. ― If she _really doesnʼt want her own bed_ ,he said, ― Zelda can sleep with me so long as she wears pants.

― No problem,I replied, hugging his chest. Ganondorf was good at resolving things. ― I think I packed pants.

― Cuuuute,I heard Perda whisper, not really under her breath, and I stuck out my tongue at her.

The movie ended, and we moved our things from the bench in the hall to Ganondorfʼs room and got ready. It was a pretty sparse space, just a bed and a desk, with most of his possessions no doubt now at school. It was, however, unshared, unlike most of the rooms in the house. I flopped onto the mattress headfirst, my (pantsed) butt sticking in the air, until Ganondorf shoved me lightly and I fell over.

He got in beside me. It was _definitely_ cozy. ― Iʼll admit,I said, ― I did think your bed would be a bit bigger.

― Iʼm sure we can still get out the extra mattress if you need it,Ganondorf said.

― Nono,I quickly replied, snuggling up and resting my head on his chest. ― This is good. Are you good?

― Iʼm fine,he told me, patting my head lightly.

― Iʼm used to cramped sleeping conditions anyway,I continued, ― because, you know, dorm beds with Hilda.

― How is she?Ganondorf asked. ― Have you heard? Did she make it home okay?

I sighed. ― She made it home,I said. ― But Iʼm worried about her.

― Oh?

― I donʼt think her home is a good place,I confided. ― For her, anyway.

But there wasnʼt anything I could do for that, here, Nayru‑knows‑how‑many miles away. It was the best I could do to just try enjoying my time, with this family she might never get to know—it was what she wanted—and so I did, until the week came to a close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> — Iʼll just write a lighthearted gay college fic,I said. ― There will be no mention of trauma or negative feelings whatsoever.
> 
> Yeah, I donʼt know where the rest of yʼall went to college, but the queers at my school? were all sad as fuck.
> 
> Imagine if they actually _did_ teach us how to properly respond to crisis though.
> 
> Taking a late autumnal meal from the Sheikah upon arriving in Hyrule and then murdering them all in a massive genocide would be entirely in‑character for the early Hylians, but thankfully this is not what their Harvest Festival celebrates. Unlike some cultures.
> 
> As for Gifts Day? Like I said. Animal Crossing calendar.
> 
> * * *
> 
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> [ **National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:**](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/) Call `1-800-273-8255`.
> 
> [**TrevorText:**](https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help-now/) Text `START` to `678678`.  
> [ **Crisis Text Line:**](https://www.crisistextline.org/) Text `HOME` to `741741`.


	10. Snow Day

Imnsday, 01 Fallory

The remains of Nayrry passed, and on the first morn of Fallory there came a knock on our door. It was enough to wake me, but not enough to make me get out of bed—my alarm had yet to go off, which meant it was too damn early to be dealing with visitors.

Ganondorf—who seemed to already be awake—evidently didnʼt agree, and I heard the door opening and a few exchanged soft whispers. My bedframe rattled, as though someone were climbing up to have a look at me, and I closed my eyes and tried for all the world to look as though I was asleep, in the vain hope that they would just leave.

Ice cold hands reached out and touched my back, and I screamed. ― Shh,I heard a voice—Hildaʼs—saying. ― Theyʼll warm up.

She was very lucky she didnʼt get a pillow in the face. But, they did, and the rest of her body slid in to follow, warm and soft and still in her pyjamas. She nuzzled my neck as she curled around me, and I decided to overlook the freezing appendages for the time being.

She held me there, and I fell back asleep.

It was the close of the first week of classes after Autumn Break, and in that time Hilda had been, in a word, clingy. I didnʼt find it unwelcome (the opposite, actually, if it wasnʼt slightly worrying), but it was a notable shift from her usual, standoffish demeanour, humouring and even sometimes initiating the occasional romantic gesture in a way she never had before.

We still hadnʼt talked about what had happened during vacation, or the promise I had made. But, it had been a busy week of classes, what with finals approaching, and the weekend was but one more day away.

I stirred next to the feeling of fingers—now quite warm—tracing along my arm lazily, hours later. I mumbled something and flopped onto my back, finally rested enough to open my eyes. Hildaʼs stared back at me. She leaned in and gave me a warm good‑morning kiss, which I returned very sleepily.

― Sorry if I woke you,she said, with a bit of an apologetic smile. ― I wanted to let you sleep in, but I got bored.

I blinked up at her. ― …What are you doing here?I asked, _not_ that I was complaining. ― Itʼs not the weekend already, is it? I thought it was only Imnsday…

She climbed on top of me and kissed me again, slightly more playful this time. ― It is _not_ the weekend, she replied, ― but, they cancelled class today.

― What?!And, immediately (as soon as I knew there wasnʼt a dreaded Comparative Mythologies discussion waiting for me), I was wide awake. I sat up, and Hilda came to be sitting in my lap, hunched over to avoid the ceiling, her legs to either side of mine. ― They _never_ cancel class! What for?!

― The heating went out in the Humanities building,she said, ― and guess what—it _snowed_. A _lot_. Itʼs all white out there.

― Well, we have to go out, then!I shouted (quietly), and would have leapt right out of bed into my trousers and jumper if not for the fact that I was currently being sat on. My name was Zelda (Dragmire) Hyrule, and I was _not_ one to miss the first collegiate snow of the season for anything.

But Hilda just pressed her cheek against my jaw and inhaled deeply, hugging me close. ― Shh,she said, lightly rubbing my back. ― The snow isnʼt going anywhere. Let me spend a quiet morning with you.

In her soft cottons, she made for a very persuasive girlfriend. ― Okay,I said, lying back. ― But we _are_ building a snow fort this afternoon. Ganondorf too.

― Mmm,Hilda said, lightly pulling up my shirt and tracing her fingers along my chest. ― Itʼs a deal.

Her touch was appreciated, but… something still felt off. My hand met hers gently, and her movements stopped. I let my fingers wrap around her own. ― Hey,I said.

― Yes, sweetheart?she asked.

― Youʼre not… planning on leaving me, are you?

Hilda burst into laughter, and buried her face in my neck, and I rolled my eyes and gently shoved her off of me. ― Why in the _world_ ,she asked me, wiping her eyes, ― would you think I was _leaving_ you?

― I donʼt know,I pouted. ― I just—youʼve been very caring and affectionate with me recently and I thought thatʼs something people do—

― Zelda,Hilda stopped me, planting a giant kiss on my collarbone. ― Thatʼs something people do when they _want to be together_.

― Okay,I replied, not entirely convinced. ― I was just… You sent me those texts.I was pretty sure Hilda wouldnʼtʼve exposed my bare chest to the world if Ganondorf was still in the room with us, but I checked to make sure. ― I was just worried.

Her eyes softened and she pulled the covers up over us, such that we were in a shallow tent of warmth. ― Zelda,she said, kissing my cheek. ― Iʼm _not_ planning on offing myself over winter break.

― Do you still want to come home with me?

― Well,she rolled onto her back and sighed. ― I _am_ planning on being homeless, so yeah, if I could stay with you, that would be great.The dorms closed shortly after the end of the semester and wouldnʼt reopen until mid‑Hyjuary, so if she wasnʼt going home, she _would_ need a place to stay.

― Of course,I said, taking the opportunity to now trace _her_ chest, albeit over her clothing. ― Can I ask… why you went back before? I mean—dorms were open last week. You didnʼt _have_ to head home.It was the closest I could ask to what had actually happened.

― Well, obviously, I thought that I could handle it,she replied. ― And obviously, after two‑and‑a‑half months away, I found that I couldnʼt. You know, while I was there—I actually realized something—two things.

― Oh?I asked.

― Well, first I realized that Iʼd been stringing you along. Kind of—using you? Taking your love without really giving anything back in return. Not really being fair.

― Thatʼs bollocks,I said. It explained her recent behaviour, if she thought she needed to be putting more into our relationship, but I didnʼt want her doing so out of _obligation_. ― Youʼve been there for me loads of times—remember when I was freaking out about my feelings for Ganondorf? for example.

― Well, yes, but—

― Donʼt,I said. ― Donʼt argue. That meant a lot to me.

Hilda sighed, resting her head against my chest. ― Crises of identity aside,she replied, ― it still felt like I was leading you along with sex. You were so radiant, and open, and I was just closed‑off and guarded and whenever you started to notice I would fuck you so that you wouldnʼt care.

― Donʼt apologize for the sex either, I warned, playfully tracing around her hipbone. ― That meant a lot to me, too.

Hilda giggled. ― I wasnʼt planning on it.She tilted her head up and we kissed, slowly and tenderly. ― The second thing I realized,she said, nuzzling me gently. ― Was that I didnʼt have to trick you out of something you were already willing to give.

― Oh, figuring it out, are you?I asked, hugging her close. Hylia, this girl. ― I love you a lot, silly.

― It took me a while,she smiled, pecking my cheek. ― It took me a while to realize exactly what that means.

I ran my fingers gently through her hair. ― Hey, Hilda,I said softly.

― Mmm?

― …Now that Iʼm finally awake, do you want to have hot morning sex before Ganondorf gets back?

She giggled, pulling the covers down just enough to uncover our heads and playfully taking off her shirt. ― I donʼt know,she replied, her hands tracing lightly up my thighs. ― Iʼm pretty sure I requested a _quiet_ morning.

I rolled my eyes, tilting my hips upward rather expectantly. ― I can be quiet,I insisted.

She laughed, sliding under the covers and quickly stripping my lower half bare. ― Since when?she asked.

It wasnʼt long before I decisively proved her point correct.

* * *

Ganondorf didnʼt come back to our room―we came to him, with sandwiches (pilfered from the dining hall). He was sitting alone at a table in the library, working on something which looked suspiciously like homework. ― Oh, Goddesses,I said, plonking down beside him. ― Itʼs a fucking Imnsday; give it a rest, Gibdo.

― Unlike you two,Ganondorf replied, not looking up from his work, ― I actually take academics seriously.

― Hey!Hilda protested, already claiming a sandwhich for herself. Given our morning in bed, we were both ravenous—our breakfasts of each other hardly compensating the caloric output theyʼd required to produce. ― Donʼt lump me in with her!

― Oh, youʼre _lumped_ in with me, babe,I replied, blowing her a kiss and following suit with the sandwiches, ― whether you like it or not.

― You two _have_ seemed close, recently,Ganondorf acknowledged, finally setting down his pen to join us. ― Did you… get engaged or something?

We both laughed. ― Not yet,I said, winking, at the same time as Hilda said ― We donʼt believe in marriage.

― Well, I suppose you were engaged in _something_ , at least,Ganondorf quipped, as I stared quizzically at her.

― What?Hilda asked. ― I thought we were both non‑monagamous?

― Well, yeah,I replied, ― but weʼre talking _gay_ marriage here! _Gay_ weddings?! _In theory_ , I was sure the concept of monogamous life partnership was a hopelessly unrealistic model upon which to found a relationship, an archaic holdover from patriarchal times, when women were treated like property and bloodlines made establishing direct parentage a priority—but that didnʼt mean that I hadnʼt still been fantasizing about my wedding dress since I was eight!

― …Zelda,Hilda laughed, ― I am beginning to doubt you know what “non‑monogamous” means.

― Look, Iʼm not saying we have to _stay_ married,I harrumphed. I had always figured I would just, like, get gay married and then divorce quickly, or whatever. ― I just like the dresses, okay.

― Oh, well,Hilda thought about it. ― I guess I donʼt have a problem with _weddings_ , if there isnʼt any marriage attached. You can just _wed_ me, if you like, and weʼll skip the paperwork.

I _did_ like—and I supposed it was an easier option than marrying and then divorcing immediately anyway. I leaned over and gave her a quick kiss. ― Deal,I said. ― Weʼll just have a giant gay wedding and then _not_ be married by it. I can call Ganondorfʼs sister for advice.

― Sounds perf,she replied, sweetly kissing me back. ― Youʼre buying.

Ganondorf gestured at the two of us with his sandwich, a confused look on his face. ― …Did I just witness a _proposal_?he asked.

― Iʼm not sure,I said, at the same time as Hilda said, winking, ― It was pretty gay.

― _Anyway_ ,I coughed, attempting to bring the conversation back to its original focus. ― While Hilda is a wonderful distraction, Ganondorf, and I appreciate you turning my attention towards her, this still doesnʼt answer the question of _why there is a full foot of snow out there and you are sitting inside_. Hilda and I _clearly_ need someone of your advanced art historical perspective to assist us as we construct snow sculptures to ephemerally display the condition of mankind.

― Zelda has, like, zero cold tolerance,Hilda said, ― so itʼs not like weʼll be out there long.

He sighed. ― I suppose exercise does help with mental functioning,he said. ― Let me finish my sandwich and we can go.

― Excellent!I declared, and, remembering what a slow eater Ganondorf was, then pulled out my phone.

― Who are you calling?Hilda asked.

The other end was already ringing. I held up my finger to my lips and mouthed: _My father._

The line was picked up. ― Hello?my fatherʼs voice came through.

― Hi! Yes, dad, itʼs Zel. I was just calling to check on our winter plans, and—well, I was wondering if I could bring somebody home.

― Whatʼs this?he asked. ― Zelda, the holidays are a time for family…

I groaned. ― Hilda _is_ family, dad. _She is family and we are going to have a big gay wedding and there is nothing you can do._ ― Well, close enough, anyway: Sheʼs my girlf; weʼve been dating all semester.

― I didnʼt mean _our_ family; Hylia knows itʼs just going to be you and me,my father said. ― But where are this Hildaʼs parents?

― Oh. Theyʼre, uh, out of town. You know how it is.My father had never missed Gifts Day, but he had just about every other holiday, so he was in no place to protest that. I was just hoping he wouldnʼt ask any more questions.

To my surprise, he actually didnʼt. ― Alright, then,he replied, and I gave Hilda an excited thumbs‑up. ― How are things at school? Staying up on your classes?

― Yeah, classes are great; theyʼre cancelled today though—do you have the snow? Thereʼs _so much_ of it!

― Yes, Zelda,my father replied, sounding considerably less enthused. ― We have the snow.

― Alright so weʼre gonna head out to play in it now okay bye!And he said his goodbyes and I ran over to Hilda and gave her a great big hug.

― Uh, you gonna tell him Iʼm trans?Hilda asked as I picked her up.

― Eh,I said. ― He can figure it out.

* * *

― Oh no,I remarked, as I stepped back to look at our snowperson. ― Hilda, we have a problem.

― What?she asked, brushing the snow off her hands and coming over to look. We were out in the main field of campus, and with the sun overhead it was thankfully only a few degrees below freezing. The snow was sticking well. Ganondorf and Hilda had been hard at work building a fort of some kind, while I had been rolling balls to manufacture the Sir Frosty. My task being much simpler, I naturally had finished first.

― Well, I was thinking, if I made a snow priest, then, you know, we could,I blushed, but blamed it on the cold, ― have a snow wedding, like in the song? « Heʼll say “are you married?”; weʼll say “no, man!” »…?

― Oh _gods_ ,Hilda said, literally burying her face in her hands. ― Why am I attracted to you.

It did sound pretty cheesy now that I said it out loud.

― Okay,Hilda said, taking a deep breath. ― Okay, so my girlfriend wants to have a gay wedding where the priest is made of snow. Like we are five years old.

― This doesnʼt count as the real one,I clarified, importantly. ― I still want my fancy dress. I just thought… it would be cute…

― Itʼs _adorable_ ,Hilda replied. ― Just, um, wow, embarrassing.She came over and hugged one arm around my waist, and I leaned against her gently. ― So, whatʼs the problem?

― …I donʼt know what denomination to make the priest,I replied. ― I mean, Iʼm Hylian, and youʼre not, so…

Hilda laughed, pressing her nose against my cheek. ― Whoʼs to say Sir Frostys donʼt have their own religion?she asked, walking up to it and wrapping her scarf around its neck. ― If itʼs a snow wedding, it should be commenced under the religion of the people of the snow. Itʼs not like we have rings—or masks—anyway.

― Alright,I said, walking up beside her. ― So, what do we use?

Hilda reached down. ― Uh, snow, obviously,she said, fashioning a quick snowball with her hands.

Then she threw it at my face.

― What. The _fuck_!I shouted, my cheek stinging and hair dripping with snow. I quickly bent down to prepare my retribution.

― Itʼs fight or die in the Sir Frosty world!Hilda shouted, breaking for the fort as I hurled snow after her.

My snowballs narrowly missed her head as she dived over the wall.

Ganondorf was still hard at work building the fort, seemingly heedless of our battle of betrothal, going so far as to walk directly through the path of our fire. ― Ganondorf!I hissed. ― Stop getting in the way! Youʼre ruining my wedding!

Ganondorf, naturally, did not move out of the way; instead he stopped and stared at me. A well‑placed lob by Hilda smacked me in the chest, and I felt cold snow dripping down my front from my neck. ― This is a _wedding_?he asked.

― Oh yeah,Hilda shouted. ― I am wedding her _so hard_ right now.

― Iʼd be wedding you right back if my damn roommate would get out of the way!I shouted back. Then, to Ganondorf: ― Itʼs a Sir Frosty thing. Our priest is supervising over there.

Our Sir Frosty smiled back at him wickedly.

Ganondorf just shrugged and resolved to let the two of us wear each other out.

Given that we had already been pushing large snowballs all afternoon, it didnʼt take particularly long. I joined Hilda inside Ganondorfʼs fort and collapsed beside her, breathing heavily. I was flushed, exhausted, wet in uncomfortable places, and high off adrenaline.

― So, what did you think?Hilda asked, sloppily kissing my cheek. ― Did I perform to your expectations?

― Shh,I replied, snuggling against her. ― Iʼm in afterglow.

When it came to weddings, I had to admit that the Sir Frostys might be onto something.

Ganondorf finished his work on the fort exterior, and he joined us inside. It was oddly cozy—the rest of the world blocked off from view, but the sun and the sensation of the outdoors preserved—our own personal garden in the snow. We sat there, together not speaking, enjoying the sound of cars and students and somebodyʼs dog in the wintry afternoon light.

― Hey, Ganondorf,I asked. ― Do you mind if Hilda stays with us on weekends?She squeezed me gently. The three of us felt like basically family to me at this point, and I hated having to kick her nightly out of our home. ― Itʼs been nice, having her around.

― Iʼll bake you cookies,Hilda promised. ― (Your dorm has an oven, right?)

Our communal kitchen was tiny, and consisted of little else besides a microwave, but it _did_ have an oven of sorts.

― Do you have, like, ingredients?I asked her.

― Oh, I meant, like, the kind that comes in a tube.Hilda pantomimed slicing one open. ― I donʼt actually know how to do them from scratch.

― So long as you two promise not to _distract me from my studies_ ,Ganondorf said, ― Hilda can stay over whenever she likes.

She grinned and pecked me on the cheek. ― Wanna help me pick out clothes to bring over to your room?she asked.

― Only if weʼre also picking out clothes to _wear_ ,I replied. ― Mine are kinda soaked, thanks to somebody.

Hilda pondered for a moment. ― You know,she said. ― Iʼm pretty sure I still have a pair of your trousers.

― You mean aside from the pair youʼre wearing now?I asked.

She shrugged. ― These are soaked too,she said, ― but you can have them as well, if you want.

* * *

Night came and we had hot chocolate and sugar cookies, hanging out together in our pyjamas in our room. ― These are really good,I said through a mouthful, before taking a gulp of cocoa and burning my mouth, of course.

Hilda flexed her arms. ― The superior baking prowess,she replied, ― of a storebought log of cookie dough. She was sitting on my lap, seeing as our room still only contained two chairs and we didnʼt want crumbs where we would be sleeping. We never did get that beanbag chair.

Ganondorf was playing some game or other on his laptop, but he had the sound off, and was playing a quiet mix of indie music instead. ― We never did start a band,I lamented, suddenly reminded by the ambiance of our roadtrip conversation.

― We donʼt have instruments,Ganondorf reminded me. ― Plus, we have all year. We can always start a band next semester.

― Thatʼs true,I conceded. ― Hey Hilda, wanna join the band Ganondorf and I are making? You can be our singer.Of the three of us, she definitely had the biggest stage presence.

― Ugh, I hate my voice,Hilda said. ― No way.

― What!I couldnʼt believe it. ― Your voice is so _sexy_ though!

She wrinkled her nose at me. ― I thought you liked _Ganondorfʼs_ voice,she said.

― Hilda! _Not in front of him!_

― I already knew that,Ganondorf said, not even bothering to look up. ― Also, I refuse.

― Looks like the singingʼs stuck with you,Hilda remarked. Maybe we could just be… an instrumental sort of band. ― You have a name? The ZelGan RockBand?

― I think you have to actually _be a band_ before you get to pick a name,I replied.

― Nah,Hilda said. ― Loads of people have band names without having bands. Itʼs trendy now.She took a sip of cocoa and the room fell into silence, Ganondorf doing whatever thing, Hilda appearing lost in thought, and me… mostly zoning out watching my girlfriend.

She placed her mug on my desk and got up to search her bag. ― Whatʼre you looking for?I inquired.

― My 3DS,she replied, and I groaned.

― Oh, Hylia,I said. ― Am I the only one here who doesnʼt play video games?

― Nope,Hilda replied. ― Not anymore. Get up and switch me spots. Youʼre playing.

― _What?!_ I asked, but she was evidently serious, so I rose from my seat and then sat back down on her lap. This was _remarkably_ assertive for Hilda, and if her goal was to intimidate me, she succeeded. ― Just so you know,I told her, ― Iʼm going to be _terrible_ at this.

― Mhmm,she replied, wrapping her arms around me, and—oh. Being in my girlfriendʼs embrace wasnʼt so bad. I supposed I could try “gaming” if it meant staying like this.

She powered on the game and selected “New Save File”. Then she handed the device to me, holding me close.

― Hilda, thereʼs a cat,I told her. Her cheek was pressed against my shoulderblade, and she clearly wasnʼt watching me play, which cast doubt on the idea that her goal was to humiliate me and not just snuggle me close. The game screen showed a train of sorts, and a feline named Rover was trying to hold a conversation with me. I continued my narration: ― The cat is asking me what my name is. What do I say?

― I donʼt know,Hilda said. ― What do you want to be called?

― I want to be called “Awesome”,I replied—an ironic name of sorts, since I was sure I would be anything but—and thatʼs what I typed in. A moment later: ― OMG Hilda, the cat thinks Iʼm a boy.

― Cats do not have an innate sense of gender,Hilda told me. ― You can correct him if you like.

― Okay… is this the correct date and everything?

― It should be.

In the game, I stepped off the train and emerged in a cute little world. ― Oh, look!I remarked. ― Itʼs snowing!

― I can see,Hilda replied, nuzzling me and peering around my arm to watch.

― Iʼm going to lose _so_ fast, just watch,I said, as I ran around shaking trees.

For some reason, some of them contained money.

It wasnʼt long before Ms Awesome was stung by bees. Hilda directed me to the shop to purchase medicine for my face. And somehow, her game managed to keep me occupied for the rest of the night. We got ready for bed together, and snuggled under the blankets for a good long hour, occasionally chatting about this and that. Hilda queried our preparedness for the upcoming finals; I falsely claimed readiness while Ganondorf falsely claimed a lack thereof.

― And you?I asked, twirling my finger in her hair.

― I think Iʼll be fine,she replied.

― Itʼs a shame we donʼt share any classes,I said. Hilda was pursuing Physics, which was about as far from any area of interest of mine as one could get. ― It would be nice if we could study together.

― Have you looked at the catalogue yet?she asked. Class registration for spring semester was in, like, a week, and I knew Ganondorf already had a whole chart of classes to try to get into sitting on his desk. ― Maybe we could coordinate and share a general requirement course, or something.

― Do I do _anything_ before the last minute, love?I responded. ― Tell me if you see one which looks good.

And, just like that, I was reminded again that the semester was nearly over. It still felt like it had been no time at all. And yet—I had gone from a horny single dyke to having a gay snow‑wedding with my girlfriend, from feeling weird and awkward with a boy in a dorm room to it feeling like the most comfortable thing in the world, from hating my Comparative Mythologies professor to only sort of disliking my Comparative Mythologies professor. And _this_ : lying here late at night with my two favourite people on this Surface, this I wouldnʼt trade for anything.

There were three‑and‑a‑half more years of it to look forward to. And _that_ , more than anything, was why I wanted to be in college—to answer Ganondorfʼs question to me, on Day of Descent, half a semester ago.

The lights were turned off, and we three, two princesses and one prince, made our way to a peaceful wintry slumber. I dreamt of snow, talking rabbits, and bees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to choose between placing this chapter on a peaceful snow day or in the midst of Finals Week. It wasnʼt much of a choice.
> 
> I wrote this chapter and then I looked back at it and was like “this is _entirely_ just fluff” and then realized I didnʼt actually care.
> 
> For the record, [Sir Frosty is a technical term](https://zelda.gamepedia.com/Sir_Frosty).
> 
> You ever think about how when youʼre not actually getting married you can have weddings whenever you want? Inb4 “gays are ruining marriage by having weddings all the damn time.”


	11. Midwinter

Rutesday, 21 Fallory

And so the semester reached its conclusion. Finals Week came and went, and not long after, our grades were made available online. For all the trouble it had given me, I had still managed to pull out an A− in Comparative Mythologies—perhaps Ashai was right about Sahasrahlaʼs bark being worse than his bite. I managed to remain above C level in my remaining classes as well.

Almost as soon as Finals Week was over, Hilda went from virtually living in my room to me virtually living in hers, on account of Link immediately heading home for the holidays and us having the space to ourselves. The semi‑domestic intimacy which resulted was—in a word—wonderful. ― I actually requested a room transfer,Hilda confided in me. ― Who knows if it will go through, but if they arenʼt comfortable giving me a roommate who is an actual girl, Iʼm hoping they will at least give me a single in the girls wing of a dorm. In which case…

We might be seeing even more of each other next semester.

It was weird to think that the semester was over—that all the habits and patterns which I had built up over the last several months would soon be null and void. That most of my classmates would be my classmates no longer. (I would actually kind of miss Impa, I realized. And Lyndæ. I would not miss Jules.) That all of the information I had been retaining for my essays and tests would—for the most part—be tested no longer, and I was free to discard whatever among it I found trivial or irrelevant—as I had already done with my textbooks.

And, for all this, I was no closer to deciding a major. Ah, well, I still had another year to make up my mind.

My father was likewise on holiday—not that Hilda or I were in any rush to be under his parental supervision. We had requested that he pick us up on Imnsday—very nearly the final day before dorms closed for the winter. Ganondorf had also put off his departure, but for a different reason: ― The mountain has been very icy,he told us, ― and there have been a lot of wrecks. Zelda—you saw what the pass is like; when thereʼs a wreck in there, traffic gets backed up quite a ways. Iʼm hoping things will clear up by the end of the week.

Which meant that the winter solstice came with the three of us still remaining at school.

This was a bigger deal for Ganondorf than it was for the rest of us—as it was also Gerudo Midwinter, which he should rightly have been celebrating with his folks. ― Weʼll just celebrate it late,he told me. ― Itʼs not really a big deal.But Hilda and I promised to spend the day with him if he liked, and we at least had plans for a nice dinner with the three of us that evening, my treat.

The dining halls had mostly closed down by that point, so we had been eating out a lot.

― Can I ask how things are with your parents?I asked Hilda over sandwiches, once. Ganondorf had not been present for this conversation. ― I mean, are you in trouble for not heading home?

She shrugged. ― Theyʼre disappointed, but all things considered they took it rather well. Better than they wouldʼve if I was just spending winter alone, right? I think theyʼre hoping that sex with you will turn me straight somehow.

We both had a good, long laugh at that.

Otherwise, it remained the case that I still didnʼt have a good picture of what Hildaʼs home life actually was like. At the same time, I realized that I didnʼt actually need one. _This_ was the Hilda which I had fallen in love with, and the Hilda that she herself wanted to be: The person she was at school, surrounded by friends; the person she was when it was just the two of us, laughing and cuddling and working on homework together; the person—yes—she was in bed. The person she was at home—that life and those experiences—we both were content to leave unspoken behind.

It wasnʼt as though Hilda knew much of my past life either—although, in my case, that _was_ something I was hoping to change.

― Did I ever tell you that I had a girlfriend in high school?I asked. It was a completely out‑of‑the‑blue question, but we had that sort of relationship now: The sort where we might share long silences for a while, and then one or the other of us would blurt something out, impromptu, and a conversation would develop with neither of us thinking anything of it.

Hilda, for her part, downed a potato crisp with gusto. ― No?she said, wiping her hands on her napkin. ― Tell me more.

― Well,I said, ― she was a cute redhead drummer girl by the name of Malon; we were in band together, so—

― You were in band?Hilda asked. ― I mean, I knew you wanted to _start_ a band, but I didnʼt know that. What did you play?

― I never told you that?I asked. ― I was _also_ a cute drummer girl. Thatʼs why Iʼm so naturally gifted at banging.

― Ah, is that what it is,Hilda said. ― It all makes sense, now.

― She was a year older than me, so after we graduated, we sort of fell out of touch,I explained.― It wasnʼt a super serious thing.

― Mm,Hilda said. ― Iʼm sure this will come as a shock to you, but I was totally single throughout secondary school.

― That _is_ a shock,I teased. ― What were the dykes at your school thinking?

― Probably that I was a boy?Hilda said. ― I wasnʼt out, yet.

― I literally canʼt imagine,I told her, and I literally couldnʼt.

Despite it being right during lunchtime, the sandwich shop we were dining in was nearly empty, devoid of its usual collegiate clientele. A pair of townies chatted intimately on the other side of the room. They looked… heterosexual.

― We kinda gave up on that dating thing, huh?I realized.

― Not really a point when you can just, like, go grab dining hall food together any time,Hilda replied. ― ʼSpecially not once youʼre practically moved in with each other after your snow wedding. Pretty sure youʼve already effectively courted each other by that point.

― Itʼs just funny because, like, going on that first date was _so_ important to me,I told her. ― But now Iʼm just like, nah, letʼs grab nachos from the dining hall; maybe we can fuck later if, like, youʼre free; if not, nbd, whatever. You know?

― I actually was terrified to start dating you,Hilda reminded me. She took a sip of her soda and laughed. ― Now Iʼm terrified to be alone.

I reached over and squeezed her leg gently. ― Iʼm not going to leave you,I said.

― I donʼt know,she replied with a wink. ― I seem to remember you sneaking out and leaving me all alone on at least _one_ night.

Goddess Hylia, she was never going to let me live that one down.

― When youʼre staying with me this winter,I remarked, attempting to get the conversation back on something resembling its original track, ― I should take you around and show you all our old haunts. I know that youʼre also from the Capital, but Iʼm guessing you havenʼt spent much time in the Hycastle district, right? Itʼs a city of its own.

― As is Locastle,Hilda laughed, ― but Iʼm not sure I would take you there for sightseeing.

― Mm.I watched her as she finished the last of her sandwich. It should have been old news by now, but she really was very attractive. ― Iʼm glad youʼre coming home with me,I told her—happy in a way which still felt new to me, even though Iʼd been feeling it for almost a month now.

― Yeah,she said, giving a short, relieved chuckle. ― Me too.

* * *

It was tomorrow that my father would be arriving—so we had a fair bit of packing to do that day. Nothing big, of course, but the bulk of our clothes, as well as valuables and electronics which we didnʼt want to leave unattended or might desire with us at home. Plus, we wanted to leave our rooms in an at least halfway clean state, such that we wouldnʼt be confronted with a mess on our return—this was mostly only a problem for me, as Hildaʼs room was, as ever, organized and tidy.

Even with this work before us, the two of us were not wont to separate—so we settled for packing our things in order:— first Hildaʼs, which we lugged in heavy loads down to my room; and then mine, with Ganondorf present, but paying us no heed, more‑or‑less doing the same.

― Gods, Zelda, you havenʼt done _any_ laundry,Hilda said, surveying the situation, as we began addressing my things.

― Well, itʼs not like Iʼve really been around to do it, have I?I responded. ― Anyway, itʼs not like we donʼt have a washer and dryer at my house. We can just do laundry then.

― You mean _you_ can,Hilda said. ― Iʼll leave packing that to you; your used panties look a lot less appealing after theyʼve been sitting in the bottom of your hamper for a week.

She set to collecting trash and empty bottles of Mt. Lanayru for recycling.

The dorms already felt barren and empty without the bulk of their students, and as the afternoon progressed, our room only became moreso. It was an eerie sort of feeling, because on the surface nothing much had changed—my posters still on the wall, my sheets on the bed, my desk still full of knicknacks, my calendar—well, actually, the calendar could probably go. But even so, there was an emptiness which permeated the space, from the loss of all the little features to which I had grown accustomed, and the knowledge that many of the once‑full drawers were now nearly vacant, packed into the boxes at the foot of the bed.

Or maybe it was just the fact that Hilda was actually getting the space _clean_.

― Are _any_ of these papers important?she asked, sifting through the many printouts, essays, drafts, and miscellaneous notes scattered across my desk.

― I mean,I said. ― They probably _were_. But now that classes are over—no, I suppose not.

― Alright,Hilda told me. ― Iʼll recycle these as well then. Could you get the vacuum?

― Um, yeah, one sec.It was… kind of intimidating seeing Hilda so entirely in control of the situation, partially because this was _my room_ , and partially because despite her sometimes brisk demeanour, Hilda hardly ever initiated or directed _anything_. It seemed as though she was taking some kind of perverse pleasure in bringing order to my chaotic environment—not that I minded; it was a bit impressive, actually. And… strangely comforting?

Perhaps there was a metaphor in there for something.

Hilda looked up at me. ― Take the trash out, when you do,she said.

So my things were packed and my room cleaned, also. By this time the stack of boxes and suitcases at the foot of my bed was quite formidable, and it made me feel weirdly claustrophobic. I retired to my desk chair, bemoaning again the lack of floppable furniture in the room. ― Hey Hilda,I called. ― Do we have any more Mt. Lanayru in the fridge?I was a bit parched from our labour.

She opened the fridge door. ― … _No_ ,she said, ― but you know what _is_ in there?And she pulled out a cider, left over from our party at Halloween. ― You still havenʼt drunk all of these?she inquired, opening it and taking a sip.

― And, what, drink alone?I asked. ― Ganondorf doesnʼt, and we havenʼt really had anyone else over.

― Youʼve had _me_ over,Hilda said. ― Anyways, you probably donʼt want to leave these in there over break. Thereʼs another one there, if you want it.

― Eh,I replied. ― Iʼm too tired to be tipsy. And you know Iʼm a lightweight.

― Mm.Her hand rested on the vacuum handle, its job complete. ― Do you think you could return this, then?she asked.

― Uggghh,I sighed, getting up. Hilda rewarded me with a quick hug from behind. ― Alright.

I opened the door and wheeled the vacuum out into the hall, closing it again behind me. Then I turned—and immediately (and nearly literally) ran into someone I had hardly seen all week: our R.A., Pipit.

* * *

― Oh, Zelda!Pipit said, addressing me. ― Just the person I was hoping to see.

― Yeah?I replied, nonchalantly, trying not to give him any reason to suspect that my girlfriend might be breaking University policy just beyond the door. ― Whyʼs that?

― Well, Iʼve stopped by a few times, but you havenʼt been around. Ganondorf said you were with your girlfriend? Which is fine.

― …Yeah?He seemed to be having difficulty getting to the point, and that was not making me feel any more comfortable with the situation.

― Look, thereʼs not really a good way of saying this,Pipit said. ― Iʼve appreciated having you in my hall and all, but… theyʼre going to move you to a new room next semester.

_What?_ ― Excuse me?I asked. ― I didnʼt request a new room? I like rooming with Ganondorf!

― Yeah, well, you donʼt actually get a say in the matter,Pipit told me. ― The University let you keep your room for this semester because it was their error, but… it would look poorly on the college if they just let boys and girls room together and then you wound up pregnant, you know? So theyʼre correcting the mistake.

― There was no mistake!I protested. ― And no, I _donʼt_ know. Ganondorf and I arenʼt dating; if we did have sex, we would use a fucking condom—and fucking Nayru, what is wrong with pregnancy anyways?! Iʼm an adult; I can have kids if I want to!

(I extremely did not want to. But I also didnʼt appreciate some stodgy old university heads thinking that _my_ reproductive capacity was somehow _their_ concern. Plus, it wasnʼt like living separately from Hilda had in any way stopped us from having sex, so their line of reasoning made no sense all around.)

― Youʼre arguing with the wrong dude, Zelda,Pipit sighed. ― Iʼm just here to deliver the news. Theyʼre still working out the details, but… expect a new room assignment when you come back for next semester.

Well, I returned the vacuum. Then I stormed back to our—for whatever short time longer!—room, practically slamming the door.

― Did you hear that fucking bollocks?I very nearly shouted, opening the fridge and deciding that yes, I did want a cider after all, thanks much.

― I heard that you want kids,Hilda said. ― But Iʼm guessing that thatʼs not what youʼre referring to. Also, letʼs wait until graduation, please.

And, the thought of raising kids with Hilda admittedly derailed my thought‑processes a little.

― I donʼt, actually,I corrected her, although somehow less sure than I had been just moments before. ― Wait, do you? Not until after graduation, certainly. Maybe we can adopt?

― …Letʼs table this discussion for another five years,Hilda said, looking a bit like she regretted bringing it up. ― Whatʼs the bollocks?

Ah, right. I remembered my anger and took a swig. ― Theyʼre moving me out of this room!

― What?Ganondorf asked, evidently deciding to clue into the conversation now that we werenʼt talking about babies—or my dirty underwear.

― Yup, next semester. Pipit said the University wonʼt allow it anymore.

― This fucking school,Hilda said. ― Here I go and request a room change ahead of time, _asking_ to be moved, and instead they go and force you to, when you donʼt even want it!

― Hey,I said. I hadnʼt considered it prior, but I realized that this was probably just as much a spit in the face for her as it was for me. ― You donʼt know that your request wonʼt get accepted, too.

― Well, I wouldnʼt say itʼs bloody likely,Hilda said. She had taken my seat, which was fine—I was too agitated to be sitting anyway. ― Theyʼre certainly not knocking on my door and telling me to pack my things, letʼs put it that way. _I_ canʼt get pregnant.

One of these days I was going to learn how to punch gender dysphoria in the mouth, but for the time being I just squeezed my girlfriendʼs hand tightly.

― I donʼt suppose we can petition them to change their mind,Ganondorf said.

― “Hey, Iʼm a dyke and Ganondorf doesnʼt fuck; we wonʼt have sex if you let us room together, I promise”? No, Pipit said it was entirely out of our hands.I pondered for a second. ― Maybe Hilda and I can just, like, de facto switch places.

― No way,Hilda said. ― I _know_ how to barter with Link; I've been doing it all semester. Iʼm not going to make _you_ room with him.

I sighed. ― Can I at least have spite sex with whoever I get paired with?I asked. If they were taking me away from my favourite roommate because they were afraid we might fuck, it only seemed fair that I get a good fucking out of it.

― Are we living in a magical fantasy world where there are actually dykes at this school?Hilda inquired. ― Because in that case, letʼs also pretend sheʼs an exhibitionist, and I want a photo.

I laughed. ― Iʼll be sure to ask,I said. ― It wouldnʼt make you jealous?

― As I think weʼve established,Hilda replied, ― Iʼm _already_ jealous. That would at least give me the comfort of knowing my girlfriend is having a good time.

― I wonʼt be,I promised. ― I really like it here.I looked at Ganondorf, and maybe it was just the alcohol hitting but I almost wanted to cry. ― Iʼm really glad we decided to give this a try,I said.

― Yeah,Ganondorf replied. ― Itʼs been nice.I didnʼt get the sense that he felt _too_ strongly either way, but I didnʼt hold that against him. It was kind of his personality to go with the flow.

Hilda looked around the room. ― Do you think we should pack the rest of this stuff up now, then, or wait until we get back?she asked.

― Definitely when we get back,I said. ― Iʼm too bummed to do anything about it now.

― Well,she replied, ― at least we already got it cleaned, then.

* * *

Because it was just the way our day was going, my plan for a fancy Midwinter dinner with Hilda and Ganondorf didnʼt pan out either, on account of the restaurant being closed. But this, at least, turned out to be a blessing in disguise, at it meant we just went for pizza instead. So the three of us filed into the same parlour where Ganondorf and I had shared our first meal.

I looked at the menu for about five seconds before sighing and setting it down. ― Weʼre just going to get a Tri Force Pizza again, arenʼt we,I asked.

― …Yeah,Ganondorf said.

Hildaʼs eyes glanced quickly between us. ― What the fuck,she asked, ― is a Tri Force Pizza?

It was delicious.

― Okay,I said, taking a bite and feeling much better now that my stomach was being filled with pizza‑y goodness. The marketing of the cuisine had gotten to me, and, this probably being the last meal the three of us would eat together all (calendar) year, I was in the mood for some playful reflection. ― I get that this is the most fucking Hylian summer camp question,I began, ― but of the three Forces, which one do you think each of us would be?

― No, I like this question,Ganondorf said.― I bet that I come up with an entirely different answer than you.

― Well, I have no fucking idea what any of this means,Hilda said, biting into a slice of her own. ― But it is delicious. So, you two go first, I guess, and Iʼll make something up at the end to settle the score.

― Alright,I said. Seeing as I had posed the question, it seemed only fair that I give the first response. ― Well, I think itʼs obvious that Hilda should be Power,I reasoned, ― because she is a Very Powerful girlfriend.She was fully versed in how to make _me_ do her bidding, in any case.

― Itʼs true,Hilda acknowledged. ― I am.

― And Ganondorf, you take your studies seriously and get good grades, so that makes you Wisdom.He shrugged at this, but of the three of us, he had definitely made the fewest Questionable Decisions over the course of the semester. ― I guess that leaves Courage for me?I considered it. ― If by “Courage”, one means “headstrong and impulsive”, I guess that fits.

― See,Ganondorf replied, ― the fact that you are so headstrong is why I think _you_ should be Power. Youʼre always the one taking action and making things happen. Hilda, on the other hand, is often the one on the receiving end of that, and seems to temper you and keep you in check (as well as make you clean up your room). That slots _her_ for Wisdom, in my book. And as for me,he continued, ― nothingʼs really happened to me, and I havenʼt really changed all that much. Iʼm stable. So Courage makes sense there.

I hadnʼt really considered it before, but it was true that Ganondorf hadnʼt really changed much as a person at all. He was just sort of… always there. I supposed having multiple identity crises per semester was probably the exception, rather than the norm.

― Wait a second,Hilda said. ― Ganondorf, arenʼt you just saying that Zelda is Power because sheʼs a top, and Iʼm Wisdom because Iʼm a bottom, and youʼre Courage because youʼre just… not?

We all thought about that.

― Well, heʼs not exactly wrong,I said.

― …I suppose that is one interpretation of Gerudo philosophy,Ganondorf concurred.

Hilda made as if to ponder for a good long second. ― Alright,she said finally. ― Based on these arguments, I think I have figured out the totally canonical, absolutely correct Force affinities for the both of you guys. Ganondorf, _youʼre_ Power. Zelda, _youʼre_ Wisdom. And, I mean, I _would_ be Courage, except that the trope of trans people being Courage is so incredibly tired at this point, so fuck it, _Link_ is Courage, and Iʼm just like, proximate somehow.

― Alright,I said, not really getting it but figuring Iʼd give Hilda a chance to explain. ― And whatʼs your reasoning for that?

― …Itʼs the thing other than what you two said?Hilda replied. ― I donʼt fucking know, Iʼm just being contrarian.

― I hate to break it to you, Hilda,Ganondorf said, reaching for another slice, ― but I think of the three options, your mapping is the _least_ likely to be correct.

― Agreed,I concurred.

Hilda stuck out her tongue. ― Oh, well, just gang up on me, then.

― It _was_ creative, though,I conceded. ― I kind of keep forgetting that Link is a part of our roommate family, technically speaking.

― I _wish_ I could forget that,Hilda replied.

Ganondorf was, meanwhile, looking a tad confused, so I decided to throw him a bone. ― You played him in frisbee,I proffered. ― Buff; blond hair.

― Ah, thatʼs right,Ganondorf replied, remembering. ― We _thumped_ him.

Link had not particularly displayed Courage this semester at all.

I smiled, remembering how anxious and worried I had been on that day, fretting over Hilda and sports. Why was it heartwarming, now, to remember such a stressful time? But it had all worked out alright in the end. I knew better now what was important—which made for a loss of innocence of sorts, but in a good way.

What was important: These two people before me. ― Iʼm glad I got to know you both this semester,I told them.

I couldnʼt imagine a better roommate and partner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of year‑end feels but… whatʼs that?! Thereʼs still another chapter?! I suppose the year isnʼt _quite_ finished yet…
> 
> A lot of people assume that Ganondorf ∼ Power / Zelda ∼ Wisdom / Link ∼ Courage are like, set‑in‑stone affinities, but itʼs completely arguable that theyʼre only actually established for _some_ of the canon, and sometimes only circumstantially. Thereʼs certainly plenty of canon ( _cough_ , Breath of the Wild) where Zelda, at least, acts with _not a bit_ of Wisdom, and I think we should embrace that shit more.
> 
> Iʼd also like to see fic where Link actually has normal fears and doubts instead of being a completely flat stoic Courage Hero Man but yea I get thatʼs never going to happen lmao. _Boys._


	12. Gifts Day

Katsday, 24 Fallory

Ganondorf left early on the morning of the 22nd; for old timeʼs sake, Hilda and I spent our last night in my room with him, so we sleepily saw him off in our pyjamas. He never did get to meet my father, who arrived to pick us up later in the day. Aside from his initial tight hug with me and respectful nod towards Hilda, contact between my father, my partner, and me was minimal as we transported boxes from my room to the car.

The vehicle suitably packed, we began the journey back to the Capital, my first time returning home since my departure on the first of Medough. I was… oddly anxious about it, to be honest. Not helping the situation was the tangible tension during the drive between my father, who had no idea how to conduct himself around my girlfriend, and she, whose icy armour was fully up. I tried to lighten the mood by jacking the aux cable and playing some indie rock.

Otherwise, the ride progressed silently.

We pulled up to my house and unpacked our things. Although she did her best to hide it, Hilda was visibly impressed by its size and grandeur, which made me, in turn, more than a little embarrassed. We spent most of that day in my room, hiding away from my father, listening to music, and playing Hildaʼs video game, which, despite being severely in debt with a talking raccoon, I did not seem to have yet lost at.

― Are you doing okay?I asked, gently rubbing her back as she lay facedown on my bed, near where I sat holding her device.

― Iʼm stressed,she said, which was pretty obvious just looking at her, ― but Iʼm fine.

She looked, at the very least, like she needed a day to decompress. So it was the 23rd before we ventured out on the town.

I was not wrong in assuming Hilda had not spent much time in Hycastle, and I showed her the works:— where I went to school; the boba parlour where we would hang out; the public library where I spent much of my summers as a kid; the convenience store where we would get ice creams when it was hot in the summer.

It was only two days past midwinter, but we got ice creams regardless. The cashier looked at us a bit strangely.

It made for a lot of walking, and a lot of new sights for Hilda, and I could tell by the end of it that she was getting pretty drained. By which I mean, she looked about ready to fall over. But I was happy, and she seemed to draw a certain comfort from that, so I wasnʼt left feeling guilty at all. Plus, being out of the house and alone together meant that we were out of my fatherʼs gaze, and could just focus on being ourselves. Even if “ourselves” was, at the moment, an impulsive, energetic Zelda and her tired, prickly Hilda girlfriend.

We kissed deeply on the front step before heading back into the house.

― We should talk about tomorrow,I said, once we were back in my room.

Hilda kicked off her shoes and collapsed onto my mattress. ― Okay, shoot,she replied, her voice muffled on account of her face being buried yet again in my pillow. I resisted the temptation to tickle her feet.

― Well, itʼs Gifts Day, so I hope youʼre okay with opening presents with us tomorrow morning. I got you something when I was visiting Ganondorf in Kakariko, so thereʼs something there for you as well.

Hilda turned her head and looked at me. ― Wait, really?she asked. ― You shouldʼve said something; I wouldʼve gotten you something in return.

― Donʼt worry about it,I said. ― You werenʼt in a good place, and… it slipped my mind.This was a bit of a lie—I intentionally hadnʼt told her, precisely so that she _wouldnʼt_ get me something in return—but I didnʼt want to make her feel guilty by saying that. ― One of my gifts is really… to the both of us, anyway, so I donʼt think you have anything to worry about.

― Okay…Hilda said, still not looking entirely comfortable with the fact. I gave her a sweet kiss on the lips.

― I love you, okay?I said. ― Just having you here is present enough.

Hilda utterly failed to hide her blush.

― Anyway,I continued, lying down and snuggling up beside her, ― the more pressing issue is that itʼs also Katsday, and—well, I have church. Are you going to be alright sharing the house with my father while Iʼm gone?

― Ugh,Hilda complained, wrapping an arm around me and holding me tightly. ― Damn Hylian religion, taking my girlfriend away from me.

― I know, right?I said, kissing her lightly again. ― It really is the worst religion.

She nuzzled me in return, and then just sort of… stayed there, with her face stuck against my face, lips reachable if I pursed my own. ― I canʼt just… go with you?she asked.

― Well, of course you can go with me,I said, ― but it would mean sitting through a whole Hylian church service if you do. I didnʼt get the sense… that would be a very exciting proposition for you?

― It absolutely wouldnʼt,Hilda said, ― but neither is being alone.

I closed my eyes. ― Hilda,I said.

She sighed.

― Youʼre not actually fine, huh?It wasnʼt really a question.

She fell onto her back. ― No,she admitted. ― Iʼm really not.

I held her there for several moments, waiting for her to go on. She didnʼt. Instead, a tension simmered, just under the surface of the room, palpable, waiting to be released. ― …Is it home stuff?I finally asked.

― More like not‑having‑a‑home stuff,she replied, curtly. ― I feel… untethered; the dorms are closed; I canʼt return to my house; Iʼm back in the Capital, but Iʼm in a new part of it Iʼve never been to before… All I really have is you, but youʼre not a home, really, youʼre just a person, so itʼs not exactly enough. And Iʼm scared. Iʼm scared that Iʼll just use you up and then youʼll leave me.

― Hilda,I asked. ― Do we need to throw another wedding? Iʼm not going to leave you.I was being irreverent with her concerns, I knew, but at the same time, I thought her concerns (regarding me at least) were at least a little bollocks and I wasnʼt about to take those ones seriously. Hildaʼs problem wasnʼt that she was using me up—it was that she was afraid to fucking use me at all. But I couldnʼt just out and say that. So I instead said ― Hmm,straddled her side gently, and joked: ― For my not being a home, you sure do spend a lot of time in me.

― Oh _gods_ , Zelda.

― I think itʼs just a time thing,I continued, smiling. ― Itʼs a new place, and you need to get used to it. I would like for you to feel comfortable here.

― Yeah,Hilda said. ― That would be nice.

― You can come to church with me if you want,I told her, finally. ― It might be boring, but itʼs just a matter of like, listening to a priest talk for a bit, singing some songs. Or pretending to sing. Itʼs pretty low‑effort, honestly. Or, you can just stay here and send me smutty pictures like you usually do. Itʼs your decision.

― Maybe weʼll see how Iʼm feeling tomorrow,Hilda said. She looked at me. ― Help me take my mind off of things?she asked.

― What,I said, ― you mean like fuck?

― I meant like “letʼs talk about something fun which _isnʼt_ my problems”,Hilda replied. Oh. Right. _Talking._ Maybe I had some work to do, as well, in becoming a person which Hilda could actually use. ― But, sure, whichever I guess.

I climbed on top of her and gave her a tender kiss. ― ¿Por qué no los dos?I asked. I still wasnʼt about to turn the option of a good fucking down.

Actually, twenty‑four hours without sullying my sheets with lovemaking was longer than I had expected us to last.

* * *

So the morning came, and for once I was eager to rise. Hilda, on the other hand, seemed very upset to leave the warmth of our bodies pressed together in bed.

― Damn meaningless Hylian traditions…she grumbled, and with a pat on the butt I ushered her out the door of my bedroom and downstairs.

I prepared some spiced tea for the both of us while we waited for my father to come down—which he did, in his characteristic slow and lumbering manner, within the hour. In the meantime, Hilda and I raided my stocking, which consisted mostly of candy that we helped ourselves to gladly.

And then we three opened gifts, as a (small, awkward, not‑entirely‑official) family.

― This oneʼs for you,I said to Hilda, handing her her package.

She unwrapped the book, and the look she gave when she smiled at me made my heart melt. ― Thanks, Zel,she said.

I leaned in close to her, such that my father wouldnʼt overhear. ― Thereʼs another gift for you in my room,I told her.

― Oh?she asked.

― Itʼs just condoms, donʼt get too excited.

She laughed. ― Iʼm pretty sure I packed some? But thanks, I guess.

― Okay, but,I said, ― these are like, fancy ones, imbued with all the magic of the holiday season and my love for you and stuff. Plus, Ganondorf helped me pick them out.

― I donʼt think Ganondorf has ever had sex,Hilda replied. ― I am not sure I find his input as attractive as you seem to think it is.

This remark brought me to an alarming thought: Did I have more experience with dicks in sexual situations than the literal owner of one? _That_ certainly was not something I was planning on being able to put on my C.V. after just one semester of college. But, well, life happens. Approximately zero percent of my body was complaining. ― Oh, shut up and fuck me,I told her, rolling my eyes. ― Itʼs the holidays.

My father, of course, had been staring at us patiently for this entire conversation. ― What are you girls talking about?he asked. (He had not misgendered Hilda _once_ thus far, thank the goddesses.)

― Church,I replied, not missing a beat. ― Hilda was trying to decide whether she wanted to go to church with me today.

― When is that, by the way?Hilda asked.

I checked my phone. ― Uh, a few hours? Assuming we catch the later service, which, I mean, obviously.

She nodded and clutched her book in her hands. ― Enough time for me to try out my Gifts Day present, then?she asked.

― Mmm, yeah, I think there should be time enough for that,I said, casually. ― Let me finish unwrapping my presents and then Iʼll go join you.

And then I set to opening packages before my father had time to ponder how one might “try out” a new novel.

And, as it happened, Hilda deemed the gifted condoms to be quite satisfactory.

While I would have loved to bask in afterglow for a good nother fifteen minutes, our bodies tangled and spent, the unfortunate truth was that we did need to get dressed. I had Hilda help me pick out clothes, adding in a necklace which I had received as a present, and I returned the favour for her. The result on both of us, we agreed, was quite fetching.

And so we left for church service.

Hilda spent the whole time as near to snuggling me as was proper for a religious institution, and I am quite sure she listened to what was said not at all. But even moreso than her endearing clinginess, I found her presence there beside me to be comforting. The past semester had been, to put it lightly, a test of my Hylian faith, but sitting here now, my girlfriend beside me, accepting that part of my being, gave me confidence that the challenges had not been insurmountable. There was a place for me here, and with her, and those things _could_ exist in harmony.

The sermon was—ironically—on Ocarina, although thankfully not on any of the more racist parts. Rather, it focused on the Happy Mask Salesman, that mythic figure who appeared before the Hero and sent him on a series of increasingly obtuse quests to sell fashionable masks, of all things, to the people of Hyrule. Although initially appearing to serve no purpose in aiding the Heroʼs journey, it was through this sequence that the Hero came to understand the desires of the common people and unlock the kingdomʼs secrets, made manifest through the ancient Mask of Truth.

― It is by exchanging gifts with others that we come to understand the truth of the nation,the priest remarked. ― What first appears to be simple Gossip may in fact contain much more.

― I didnʼt know Hylians _had_ a mask tradition,Hilda whispered to me.

― We donʼt, really, anymore,I whispered back. Frightful ones on the Blood Moon aside. ― I wonder where that part of the legend comes from.

It wasnʼt something I ever would have pondered before.

* * *

― OMH,Hilda said. We were back home, hanging around the kitchen counter; she was scrolling through her phone. ― Guess what?

― Iʼm not going to guess,I told her, opening myself a Mt. Lanayru. I grabbed myself some snack mix from a bowl. ― What is it?

― Jules and Link broke up,she announced, delightedly.

― Wait, _really_?I asked, intrigued. ― How do you know?

― Uh, Link and I are—and her hands made little air‑quotes, ― —“friends” on social media and his relationship status just changed to “Single”,Hilda replied. ― Also, there are subposts. So many subposts.

― Thatʼs delicious.I devoured the contents of my hand. ― So you at least wonʼt have to put up with them snogging all next year, right?

― Yeah, I guess not,Hilda said. ― Although, considering how quickly they shacked up, Iʼd say itʼs not long before he finds someone else.

― I still canʼt believe Jules is straight,I told her. ― She has _such_ good hair.

― Straight girls canʼt have good hair?

― Well, why would they? Itʼs not like their boyfriends care.I did my best parody of a straight couple. ― “Hey, honey, how do you like my new haircut?” “Uhh… I donʼt care… Show me your tits and ass.”My masculine impression could, granted, probably use a little work.

Hilda snorted nonetheless. ― Speaking of roommates,she said, ― have you heard from Ganondorf?

― I mean, weʼre not roommates _anymore_ ,I pouted. ― But no, I have not. Maybe I should text him? Here, come here.

We stood closely beside one another and I snapped a quick selfie.  
_hope yr holidays r goin wel <3_ I sent him.

A few minutes later, my phone buzzed in reply. ― Aww,I said, turning my phone so Hilda could see.

It was a picture of the whole Dragmire family, festive and happy.  
_Having a belated Midwinter!_ he had replied.

I did my best to put names to the faces we saw, for Hildaʼs sake. ― Okay, so those are Ganondorfʼs mums, Ashai and Isha. And thatʼs his grandmum, Cara, and those two are Perda and Wabbin—theyʼre married. And those are… the rest of Ganondorfʼs sisters. Okay, I donʼt remember their names. I think the youngest two are… Kyra and Pyra, but I donʼt remember which is which.

― Thatʼs a _big_ family,Hilda said, looking them over.

― Yeah, it is,I agreed. ― Iʼm a little jealous, honestly.

― Oh, Iʼm glad Iʼm an only child,Hilda confided. ― I donʼt think I could have ditched to be here with you if Iʼd had siblings back home depending on me.

― I guess it does give one a certain freedom,I conceded. I touched the image gently. ― I miss them.

And we were both lost in our own respective thoughts, thinking about families, the ones we did or didnʼt have, and the places we called home. After living in close quarters with Ganondorf and, sometimes, Hilda all semester, and after visiting Ganondorfʼs crowded family in Kakariko, to be confronted with so much _space_ , empty, in my own place was a bit disconcerting, and more than a little lonely. Even _with_ Hilda there.

She spoke up. ― Itʼs different, isnʼt it?

― Pardon?I asked.

― Being home.

― Yeah.I put my phone away and leaned against the counter. ― Yeah, knowing all these people and growing and changing and coming home and itʼs all just, the same. It didnʼt grow up with me.I gave her a faint smile. ― I see what you mean, now, about coming home and—being more bothered than you used to.

― Well…she said.

I laughed. ― Okay, the _general sentiment_ , alright? I guess I do have the advantage of having my favourite girlfriend here with me.I touched her nose lightly.

― Iʼm your _only_ girlfriend,Hilda said, sticking out her tongue.

― And youʼre my only favourite,I replied, kissing it.

― …You taste like Mt. Lanayru,she told me. Then she leaned in and kissed me more.

We were pretty gay.

* * *

That night and we were in the den—by whom I mean myself and my father, Hilda having excused herself to start in on her new book. There was a show on the telly of my fatherʼs choosing, and there was popcorn, which was the major reason why _I_ was there.

Although, I didnʼt particularly mind watching the programme. The lead actress _was_ pretty cute.

It was astonishing how different this dynamic was, though, I thought, remembering back to those nights when we would watch shows together in the dorms. This scene had no camaraderie, no running commentary, and—in Hildaʼs case—no barely‑chaste cuddling; it still wouldnʼt, even if she were there. It was different, also, than the movie nights we used to have before I had left, although that was harder for me to put my finger on.

I supposed, over the past several months, my father had gotten used to watching things alone.

I pulled a blanket around me and hugged my legs lightly. The show made for pleasant viewing, but it was a rote and uninspired plot, so I wasnʼt exactly _engaged_. I texted Hilda to give me something to do during the less exciting scenes.  
_hows th book?_ I inquired of her.

_good_ she replied.  
_bed is cold_ And that statement carried with it an unspoken request.

I grabbed another handful of popcorn.  
_ok but popcorn_ I replied, as ever, motivated by food. I could almost hear Hildaʼs sigh from across the house.  
_plus theres a rly hot woman on telly_

_there's a rly hot woman IN YOUR BED_

Alright, fair.

And so Hilda attached a picture. She was under the covers, on her stomach, propped up by her arms. Her chest was bare and there was a strong likelihood that the rest of her was as well, not that I could see anything to confirm it. The novel—the one I had picked out and gifted her—was open in front of her, and she was feigning an intent, studious pose, her expression soft and focused. A thin lock of hair hung down in front of her face.

Unlike most of the selfies we interchanged, there was nothing particularly erotic about the photo—and, indeed, one couldnʼt even say I was aroused _per se_. But it did do a great job of reminding me that there was in fact a very attractive and naked woman lying in my very own bed, who I could be cuddling this very instant if I wanted to. And I was just sitting there, eating popcorn. Hm.

_suppose i join u n we get distractd_ I messaged.  
_u cld lose yr place_

She replied with another picture. It was almost an exact replica to the one before—same relaxed look; same calm, focused expression—but the loose strand of hair had been tucked behind her ear—and in her teeth she held the wrapper to the morningʼs spent condom.  
_don't worry_ she texted,  
_i've a bookmark_

I giggled, which earned me a Look from my father. I collected myself, and then, not missing a beat, feigned a yawn.

― Iʼm feeling pretty knackered,I said, rising from my spot on the couch. ― Think Iʼll head towards bed.

― Alright,my father replied. ― Sleep well.

I _did_ sleep well, as a matter of fact. And unlike that morning, there was no time limit on my afterglow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit shorter than the rest—because there is an exciting **BONUS chapter** which follows! Go ahead and click that “Next Chapter” button!
> 
> You may be wondering who delivers presents to Hylian stockings if not Santa Claus. The answer is Maple the Witch, delivering packages crafted by her knowing elder, Syrup.
> 
> Happy holidays yʼall!


	13. [BONUS] Move‑in Day (Reprise)

Nabrusday, 20 Hyjuary

The day was cold and I was not in a good mood. Why? you might ask. Because I was spending it moving the entirety of my things from one end of Romani Hall to the other, stripping bare the cherished room that I _wanted_ for an almost identical one in section D—the girlʼs wing of the dorm. The room I was moving into was otherwise empty—its last‑semester occupants had switched colleges, or something—I hadnʼt exactly paid attention to Karaneʼs explaining. I, of course, didnʼt want to be there.

― You _will_ be getting a roommate, though,Karane told me. ― She,and I frowned at this pronoun, ― just hasnʼt shown up yet.

There were two facts of the day which made this situation more bearable. The first was that I was still residing in the same hall, which, aside from saving me the discomfort of having to lug heavy boxes through the cold, meant that I could pop in and see Ganondorf at any time. He wasnʼt on campus yet, but the trip from Kakariko _was_ a longer drive. And, over a mountain. In Hyjuary.

The second was that, if her messages to me were anything to go by, Hilda might actually be getting a new room, too. She hadnʼt graced me with details, yet, presumably because she was too busy celebrating the leaving of Link and his terrible relationship decisions forever behind.

So I was once again bumming around waiting for my Phantom Roommate to appear, waiting for word from my girlfriend. This time, as an act of protest, I left my boxes entirely unpacked—well, I did put sheets on my bed. This time, as if to spite me, neither one was lofted.

Of the two things I awaited, the former manifested first, with the latter coming a few seconds behind.

A knock came on the door. I opened it to find Hilda standing there, looking around, a little disoriented. This was understandable. Neither of us had really spent time down at this end of the hall, and everything was… _backwards_.

― Hey, babe,I said. ― Did you get moved okay? Have you met your new roommate? Iʼm still waiting on mine—typical.A realization dawned on me. I hadnʼt yet sent Hilda my room number. ― …Wait. How did you find me?

She just stared at me, her cheeks slowly getting redder. That was odd—I more fully took in the situation. She had a full bag slung over her back; under one arm, she carried what appeared to be a box of things from her room.

― Oh my Goddess Hylia,I said.

They had gone and made Hilda and me roommates.

― I take it all back, this university is wonderful,I declared, holding the door open for her. ― But only by accident. I canʼt believe they—oh, goddess.Despite my invitation, Hilda seemed rooted to her spot. ― Hilda, are you _crying_?

I hugged her, and she squeezed back tightly with her available arm. I deprived her of her things, setting them inside the door, and we tried again. She about suffocated me.

She was definitely crying. ― I was so scared,she whispered to me.

― What, to meet your new roommate?I asked, rubbing her back gently. ― They canʼt have been much worse than the one you had, right?

― What if they didnʼt like trans people? What if they complained, and it turned into this big _thing_ , and I was just, trapped, with nowhere else to go…?

― Oh, hush,I said. ― You could always come stay with me. Or Ganondorf. Promise.I kissed her on the forehead. ― Anyway, none of that matters; you know why? _Weʼre roommates._

She smiled at me. And, well, as it turned out, I did wind up helping lug heavy boxes through the cold.

I didnʼt mind at all.

Our things moved in and the mood was decidedly less tearful. ― Hylia above,I said, as we surveyed the room, my pinks and Hildaʼs purples, side‑by‑side. ― Weʼre _roommates_.And we kissed each other, both a little giddy with excitement at the possibility.

I poked my head out into the hall. ― Iʼm _definitely_ not going to get pregnant now!I shouted. ― Thanks, Horsebridge!

― Oh, fuck _off_ ,Hilda laughed, behind me. A passing woman gave me the oddest look, undoubtedly the first of many I would receive living here in the coming semester. I closed the door in her face.

― Fuck _on_ ,I replied. I was tired and sore from unpacking boxes, but I cared not at all. ― Weʼre roommates,—and I couldnʼt stop saying it; it still didnʼt feel real. Perhaps it just needed to be properly _consummated_. ― You wanna bang or what?

To answer the question: We banged.

It was, in fact, in the very midst of our rutting that I remembered the promise I had made to Hilda before weʼd left for break. — Oh, shite, wait, I forgot,I said suddenly, which is always a wonderful thing to say in the midst of sexual congress. ― I was supposed to ask my new roommate: Are you an exhibitionist? You see, my girlfriend Hilda wants pictures.

Hilda laughed from her position beneath me. She was flushed and sweaty and maybe one good round away from orgasm. ― Sounds like a keeper,she replied, moaning suddenly as I moved against her. ― For her, we could probably do video.

I froze. I had entirely forgotten that the modern cellular phone was capable of shooting video. _Fuck_ , was that hot! I dismounted and searched for mine immediately.

― Zelda!Hilda whined, unhappy to suddenly find herself left bare on the mattress. ― Heavens above, I didnʼt mean right this sec—oh, alright.

I was already capturing. ― Now,I pondered, ― I just need to find a good place to set this…

― Just give it here; Iʼll hold it—

The resulting film was understandably shaky, and poorly‑produced at best. At its most interesting part, Hilda… rather forgot how to aim the camera correctly, and we wound up with thirty seconds just staring at the ceiling. So, as a fledgling attempt, there was still copious room for improvement.

But we would have all semester to get it right.

**The End.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> …And thatʼs a wrap! 🎉
> 
> Thanks for reading Snapshots of a Princess, everybody :). Until next time⁓


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